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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is a bit ridiculous for a grown up to celebrate and make a big deal of their B'day?

103 replies

complexo · 05/06/2012 21:09

That is it really. I am probably unreasonable because i don't like to celebrate my Birthday myself.
It is just that I went to my friend's birthday today and again very few people turned up. She makes such a big deal of her birthday, invites everybody, worries and expect a lot and always ends up disappointed...than next year she does it all over again, I don't understand.

OP posts:
monkeymoma · 05/06/2012 21:12

and I suppose christmas is all about material goods
and halloween is too american
and babyshowers are all about gifts
and weddings shouldn't be in any way showey

bah humbug! I love a party!

Jinsei · 05/06/2012 21:13

I don't make a big deal of my birthday at all, but have friends who do. It's up to them really - as long as they don't hold others to ransom over it. YABabitU.

CrispyCod · 05/06/2012 21:13

I'm with you on this one.

It is nice to celebrate one's birth but it shouldn't be inflicted everyone else!

I have a friend who loves to be the centre of attention at every possible opportunity especially her birthday. Really narks me.

latrucha · 05/06/2012 21:13

I wouldn't say it was ridiculous but there may be a reason for it that she doesn't fully understand herself.

i used to get into a dreadful state of disappointment about birthdays - everybodys! - until i realised it was because we had moved so far away from all our family and then my parents died.

There might be more to it than meets the eye.

Trills · 05/06/2012 21:14

If you want to have a party it's a good excuse. So YAB a bit U.

monkeymoma · 05/06/2012 21:15

you have a friend who invites you to parties CrispyCod! how awful! who needs friends like that? Grin

SundaeGirl · 05/06/2012 21:15

YABU. Particularly if the friend is single without children.

Is there any harm in it? Just go along with it. My friends humour me with accompanying me to crap gigs or letting me talk at length about my interests or whatever and I do the same back for them. Celebrating their birthdays if they want to doesn't seem an unreasonable ask.

Original poster
complexo · 05/06/2012 21:23

She does get upset with people if they can't make it though
I was able to go last year since it was a picnic in the park and this year even though it was at a pub it was for lunch and my DC is 5 and had some toys and colouring but obviously I left early.
Previous years was always a big night thing and I : 1 - don't like going out at night, so didn't want to go anyway and 2 - couldn't afford babysitter anyway nor had anyone to help out.
I always made up for her though, but is upsetting seeing her so disappointed. I must admit she earns points for not giving up...
And today she was more down to earth, acting less like a celeb...
I think she has a thing with popularity...

OP posts:
Trills · 05/06/2012 21:25

Drip-feeding, are we?

YABU to think it is ridiculous for an adult to have parties for their birthday.

YANBU to think it silly for an adult to get upset if someone can't make it to their party.

The two are quite different questions.

It also sounds as if she should ask for RSVPs for her events so that she is not disappointed on the day

ChaoticismyLife · 05/06/2012 21:26

You don't like to make a fuss, she does. Neither is right/wrong just different.

apricotmonday · 05/06/2012 21:28

How old is your friend?

I think it's nice to celebrate and have a get together. :( for your friend that not many turned up.

GoodPhariseeofDerby · 05/06/2012 21:28

I would get frustrated if they got really upset for me not being able to make a birthday party.

My DH's family doesn't really do birthdays for adults though - to the point his grandmother's big birthday get together late this year has turned into a party for the great grandkids (who are aged from adults to babies) with a dress-up theme and everything. I'm not sure how it will work, it's become quite confusing.

FlashFlood · 05/06/2012 21:28

YABU. I love all parties and birthday parties remind me of my dad coming home to celebrate it with us. It also shows the dcs that life doesn't stop after 10 and you still get to have fun on your birthday.

amillionyears · 05/06/2012 21:30

Sounds like she is feeling a bit unloved.
I know somebody like this,and we all play along.
It doesnt harm us.

FiftyShadesofViper · 05/06/2012 21:30

Every year my MIL makes a big deal about hers and FILs birthdays, completely overlooking the fact that one of them shares a birthday with one family member (always ignored!) and the other is very close to another's birthday. Even when it is a "special" birthday for one of the others she ignores it and focuses on theirs.

rookiemater · 05/06/2012 21:30

YANBU unless it is a birthday which ends with a zero which is a milestone and does deserve a wee bit of attention.

I have a relative like that who likes a huge fuss to be made of her birthday - not very coincidentally she doesn't have kids. Huge generalisation here but once you have children most people realise that the world doesn't revolve around them and being precious about your birthday is not becoming behaviour once you celebrate your coming of age - I will give alittle leeway here and say that can be 21 rather than 18.

CaliforniaLeaving · 05/06/2012 21:31

I think a cake with some candles and a few cards is enough.
Mum was visiting us when she had her 70th so I made a cake did all the writing on it, and all that stuff, she was nearly in tears, I had no idea no one had done a cake and candles for her since she was 8. So we try to make sure everyone gets a cake now, no matter what the age.

hatesponge · 05/06/2012 21:32

YABU and tbh you dont sound like much of a friend.

I had a party this year for my birthday (I was 40) and only a fraction of the people I invited turned up, I was really disappointed. I'm sure some of them probably thought oh why make a fuss, it's only a birthday etc but all those people have parents, partners, partners families etc to celebrate with, I have no family (other than my DC) and no partner. So I think hoping my friends might want to celebrate my birthday with me is not being unreasonable!

AnnaFender · 05/06/2012 21:36

I only really expect a fuss made by DH and DCs (although they are still a bit young), so only DH really, and more along the lines of making me dinner, taking me for a drink or doing the chores for the day!

I have a friend who makes a really big deal of her birthday every year, but she grew up with a really strict mum who NEVER let her have a party or even a friend to stay over or something for her birthday. It makes me Sad so I don't mind indulging her!

So depends on the person really, so I am inclined to say YABU, plus you can always opt out and ignore her birthday celebrations if you want!

monkeymoma · 05/06/2012 21:36

WHAAAAAT once you have children you should not be celebrated as an individual any more?

I love going to friend's birthday dos, YANBU if you don't, but YABU to think birthday parties have an age limit!

Hullygully · 05/06/2012 21:36

I think every human being should have one day a year when everyoen loves them and makes a big deal about them.

Original poster
complexo · 05/06/2012 21:36

yes maybe I should want to have more fun.
I just hate being the centre of attention and I don't tell people when is my B'day, few people know...I get shy...maybe I am stupid.
I accept IABU on my Op

OP posts:
hatesponge · 05/06/2012 21:39

Just to add I have a friend who 'doesn't see the point' in doing anything for birthdays.

However, her DH gives her very lavish presents worth £100s every birthday, takes her out for a meal/theatre etc, arranges for DCs to make her handmade cards and bring her breakfast in bed the next morning, followed by lunch with her parents, PILs etc Hmm

So yes she doesn't make a big thing about it in terms of drinks, parties etc but she still gets completely made a fuss of! Which would only happen to me if I arrange something with friends!

stressheaderic · 05/06/2012 21:40

I have a single and childless friend who makes a massive deal of her birthday. She gets a 'main present' and then lots of little ones which she has to find on a treasure hunt. A cake is ordered and banners up on the front door.
Seh gets annoyed if she receives a card or gift belatedly.
Celebrations usually consist of meals out, drinks, a concert or show, usually a good 3 or 4 events which we are all expected to attend.

She's 33. It's beyond weird.

I was just happy this year that mine coincided with my day off, I took 2yo DD swimming, then to meet a few of the mums, we had coffee and nice cake and DP brought me a bunch of flowers home. That was enough of a celebration for me, I'm a simple soul.

BackforGood · 05/06/2012 21:42

YABU to think it's ridiculous for people to enjoy spending time with their friends and/or family, and using their birthdays as a reason for that. It's nice to celebrate in whatever way you want to - be that a cake or a meal out or inviting people round for a BBQ or dinner or a drinks party.
If it upsets you, don't go. Not everyone wants to go through life as one long grey year, many people like a bit of 'spoiling' once a year.

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