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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it is a bit ridiculous for a grown up to celebrate and make a big deal of their B'day?

103 replies

complexo · 05/06/2012 21:09

That is it really. I am probably unreasonable because i don't like to celebrate my Birthday myself.
It is just that I went to my friend's birthday today and again very few people turned up. She makes such a big deal of her birthday, invites everybody, worries and expect a lot and always ends up disappointed...than next year she does it all over again, I don't understand.

OP posts:

AngryFeet · 05/06/2012 21:54

Me and my friends do something for our birthdays every year. We all get together at a restaurant or bar and we always buy each other presents. But usually most people come and I doubt people would get upset if someone couldn't make it. I also have dinner with my parents, DH and the kids on the weekend closest to my birthday. I suppose some might see it as a big fuss but it is just what we have always done and everyone I know seems to. Each to their own.

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/06/2012 21:58

Yanbu. I completely agree. So long as my family and close friends send me a card and dh and the dc buy me a small gift then I am completely happy.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/06/2012 22:07

YANBU. My closest friend doesn't have children and she likes to make a big deal out of every ocassion. She needs everything to be more like an actual experience rather than just a minor celebration of some sort, and it doesn't tend to come cheap.

On one hand it's great having a friend that will force you into doing things that are always memorable but that you might not do otherwise. On the other hand, it gets expensive and I don't like the pressure she puts on about it, she tends to mention it in every other conversation for about three months previous. It's like she thinks that if she talks about it enough everyone will come as if that's the only thing that matters.

exoticfruits · 05/06/2012 22:08

I always treat it as a special day.

Hulababy · 05/06/2012 22:12

I see no problem with someone wanted to celebrate their birthday, whatever age, and to hope their closest family to do so with htem.
But to expect distant family or friends is a bit much - unless a special nirthday with proper invites, etc.

TheCraicDealer · 05/06/2012 22:15

This is so weird, are you my Dtwin? We have a very good friend who has announced she's having not one, but two birthday do's this year. The first is dinner and then drinks, the second is a blowout night out two weeks later. Now I'm on £60 a week on a internship wage, I can't really afford twenty quid for a present and then £40 on each night out. There's also the repeated pointing out of "I want that for my birthday" (what, in addition to the other three things you've pointed out to me?). I've explained to her and she is very unimpressed that I'm saying I can't to go to both. She again makes a big deal about saying to loads of people, who inevitably let her down, and then gets disappointed when it's "just" her friends of 10 years that come. She sees it as a popularity contest, whereas I think most of us would be happy if our nearest and dearest were there to wish us all the best and have a few drinks and giggles. Maybe it's because we've always had to share a birthday and have never really been the sole centre of attention. NB- I do love my friend, she's hilarious and a good laugh, but sometimes she does loose perspective a bit.....

PoppyWearer · 05/06/2012 22:37

I think birthdays are a bit like Christmas once you've had DCs - they matter less to you. I now don't really care what I get present-wise, at just don't want people wasting their money on things I definitely don't want or need. I make a fuss of my DCs at Christmas but don't care about it for myself.

OP, I guess your friend doesn't have DCs yet?

Jinsei · 05/06/2012 22:41

I don't think it's just about whether you have DCs or not - I have friends who are parents who still make a big deal of their birthdays. I guess it's just about your expectations really.

2rebecca · 05/06/2012 22:41

Why shouldn't adults celebrate birthdays? Why do some people think they are just for children? I love presnts, cards, a cake, my relatives phoning me, going out for dinner or having a nice meal in.
Why wouldn't I want to do these things on my birthday?
I think it's sad some of you are so bah humbug about adult birthdays.
I don't have parties though, but that's mainly because I like to relax and enjoy myself on my birthday.

mumofbumblebea · 05/06/2012 22:45

i know what you mean OP. apart from close family and friends i don't understand why people would be interested in whether it's my birthday or not. me and dh always just do something small with DD (2DDs this year!) and will then rope someone into babysitting! apart from a card/phone call/text (plus a few nice presents from other close family members) we don't feel we need anymore attention than that. we saved it all up for our wedding (which was bloody fabulous).
we have a family member that always insists on extra attention to her (now adult) DCs for their birthdays which is particularly annoying. don't get me wrong, i hope her DD had a lovely 21st birthday but i think they're a bit on another planet if they expect me and DH to drive 4 and a half hours to her party when neither of us are close to her.
OP i feel sorry for your friend though because it is obviously a big deal to her, maybe try to casually mention that people just have different priorities and not everyone sees birthdays as a big deal?

exoticfruits · 05/06/2012 22:47

I agree again 2rebecca!

hiddenhome · 05/06/2012 22:49

I think it's really self centered to make a big deal out of your own birthday.

One of my friends organised a party for her 40th. Kept nagging dh and me to go (I don't socialise and dh doesn't like to either, but I was going to make the effort) then I was ill anyway and couldn't go. I texted her to explain that I'd been unwell and she never replied. She didn't give a stuff about my infected kidney, only her birthday. Her loss, but was it really worth losing a friend over just because they couldn't attend her stupid party?

Like I said.....self centered. Birthdays are for kids.

exoticfruits · 05/06/2012 22:51

I am self centred then and proud of it!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/06/2012 22:56

I agree that birthdays are special for adults too and that they should celebrate. But there's a difference between having cards, cake and a meal out on the day, and having a big occasion that you pressure all your friends to attend.

I like to do something special with the children for all the family birthdays, including the adults, but it's generally something small with family and very closest friends. I hate inviting people to things in honour of me when they have to pay for it.

BupcakesandCunting · 05/06/2012 22:58

You sound like you don't even like your "friend" that much tbh.

YABU.

Birdsgottafly · 05/06/2012 23:00

I'm like the Queen, i have at least two celebrations, a piss up with my mates and a nice meal with the family, sometimes more if i cannot make the PILs on the day.

I go with want my friends want, but because my friends are actually friends and i want them to be happy, i wouldn't question what they want, i would turn up with a smile on my face and usually a bottle in my hand.

redwineformethanks · 05/06/2012 23:18

I feel sorry for your friend if she invited people, they accepted and then didn't turn up. That's plain rude, whatever the occasion. Am surprised that she carries on inviting them.

Some people are suggesting that it's mostly people who don't have children who like to celebrate their birthdays. Possibly people without children have a bit more time to organise a party, but I disagree with the notion that the moment you have a child you realise that your own life doesn't matter

Zara1984 · 05/06/2012 23:21

YANBU. Birthdays are for kids because each year of growing up is a big deal for them and their parents. I do think it's naff when I hear of adult friends who are doing big things/expecting lavish parties and attention for their birthdays.

Cake/card and a nice meal at home or out - surely that's more than sufficient?!

After 10 years together DH and I are happy with a kiss and a cup of tea in bed for birthdays and our anniversary.

My bah humbugness may be due to the fact I never had a birthday party as a kid and used to obsess about how I'd have big parties for myself as an adult until I realized it was all quite meaningless....

WhiteWidow · 05/06/2012 23:23

Its my 21st this year. I expect a great deal to be made :o

ToryLovell · 05/06/2012 23:24

There is celebrating and making a big deal of it.

My lovely oldest friend from school goes way overboard about her birthday. She has

a night out with workmates / local friends
a meal with her DP and DC
an overnight or weekend if poss with her two closest friends plus DPs / DHs at a spa, minus DCs

Milestone birthdays involve a week in the Med with friends and DCs plus a big party

I love her dearly but it costs me a fecking fortune

Latara · 05/06/2012 23:36

In my group of close friends (age 24 - 36) - we all buy each other small birthday presents; & usually celebrate birthdays at least with a meal or drinks out. Husbands / boyfriends & children are always welcome.
Personally i enjoy choosing gifts & cards for my family & friends.
I use to hate birthdays but i appreciate life more now than i used to, so it's good to celebrate.
I like to celebrate my birthday in 3 separate ways - I have tea & cake at my Nan's with close family; a meal at an inexpensive restaurant with my sister & several good friends, then a night out at bars & clubs with certain friends (not everyone is up for it, so i'd never expect all my friends to come out).
I've never had a 'birthday party' - i'm too shy for that to be honest.

To me, birthdays are just another good excuse to get together with family & friends - i'm a sociable person so i don't need much excuse to go out & have fun!
In my family we always celebrated parents' & grandparents' birthdays equally to childrens' birthdays - so i'm happy to carry on the tradition.
Some friends' families also do that; but some other friends are expected to stop celebrating family birthdays after age 18 or 21.

Either way, as friends we like to celebrate & buy presents for each other's birthdays; as we made an agreement not to buy each other xmas presents because some of us have lots of children / nieces / nephews to buy for.

Original poster

complexo · 05/06/2012 23:37

I would do all that if I was very very rich and could pay everything for everybody.

OP posts:

Latara · 05/06/2012 23:44

Tory - OMG at 'week in the Med' & overnight / weekend celebrations. Good friends should be aware of each others' financial limitations; & no-one should expect their friends & family to spend £££s just to enjoy a birthday. People should be able to celebrate & have fun without needing to spend lots of money & travel far. Same goes for hen / stag dos IMO.

znaika · 06/06/2012 01:47

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MarySA · 06/06/2012 01:54

I don't make a big deal of my birthday. I understand people wanting to celebrate milestone birthdays. But not folk who think every birthday is so important and go into a strop if they don't get enough cards. And those sad people who have to have a real fuss made at restaurants when everybody else is trying to enjoy a quiet meal in peace.

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