To think it is a bit ridiculous for a grown up to celebrate and make a big deal of their B'day?

[complexo]

That is it really. I am probably unreasonable because i don't like to celebrate my Birthday myself.
It is just that I went to my friend's birthday today and again very few people turned up. She makes such a big deal of her birthday, invites everybody, worries and expect a lot and always ends up disappointed...than next year she does it all over again, I don't understand.

'they put more effort into not celebrating it than it would take it to celebrate it, and make sure that everyone who is enjoying it knows why they think they shouldn't'.
YY if you do you are childish, silly, selfish, tacky, bad mother...Its like competitive misery 'i'm ok with a cup of tea and tv', 'no, i'm better. i'm ok with tap water and not even tv', 'i'm a mother now'...

Orm sounds fab, enjoy!

I don't think its daft to celebrate a birthday it it is still your day adult or not , I would rather stick pins on my eye that have a party but do celebrate and go out for a meal, yabaweebitu

YABU.

Best birthdays nowadays I find (of my own) are the ones where you say to a few very close people "let's go for lunch/to theatre/to X activity" and arrange it on a day so that everyone can go, and then maybe have another night where you say to everyone you've ever met the wider group of people you like/nice colleagues etc "I've booked a space at X on Y night, it'd be lovely if you could come for a bit and feel free to bring someone". Then you definitely get to see your favourite people, and if only some people turn up to the second part, you won't notice it really doesn't matter.

Agree with Hully that teaching kids to honour their parents' birthdays is really important. It certainly makes me think about them properly, as people, whereas some of my friends whose parents were more the "don't mind me I'll sit in the corner and have this dry biscuit" type hardly seem to register them or want to spend time with them now they're adults.

I don't personally make a big deal of my birthday but I have friends who do and why shouldn't they? Especially the milestone ones 21 and 30, 40, 50 etc.

YABVU.

I think though there's a difference between those of us that obviously like to do something to mark the occasion and get together with the people we love, and then others who take it too far. Like "Week in the Med" lady.

I'm a cancer survivor. To me each birthday is a special, amazing, wonderful gift. Love celebrating - unashamedly. Doesn't mean expensive nights out - not my thing and I can't afford them. Does mean gathering the people I love for a bit of nice home made cake and some champagne. I did throw one hell of a party for my 40th and I don't regret it for a second. All the people I love were there and we had a fabulous time and nobody needed to put their hand in their pocket.

Life is short, fragile and special. So I try very hard to remember all my friends' birthdays and send a nice card, bake a cake or give a bunch of flowers. In fact, I try hard to do all these things often even when it isn't their birthday. Who needs an excuse for showing you love your friends?

Yes, and sometimes making a bit of a fuss of someone can really push them through a hard time.

I gave a friend a birthday card and present a while ago, nothing amazing. She has loads of friends and family but she's fab and I wanted to let her know I'd thought of her. It turned out that due to family circumstances mine was the only card and one of only a couple of presents she got this year :( I was so pleased I had bothered.

think is, now we're all grown ups (or pretending to be) in my circle of friends, we all SAY oh we've gotta get together soon, but then time drifts on and we don't, and actually if it weren't for birthdays we'ld probably never get around to tying down a date to get together! Birthdays are a great excuse!

Good point, well made Monkey.

I'm quite sure there are Birthdayzillas though, and as Craic says there's a balance to be had.

fwiw I celebrate my mother's birthday and she's been dead for years. It's an excuse (not that I need one!) to crack open the fizz and remember good times. She'd approve :)

great post scuttlebutter. I agree that life is precious and worth celebrating. Two people close to me died age 35 and 41. Now I am 42 I celebrate with huge gratitude and appreciation! and raise a glass for those who didn't make it.

Good for you scuttlebutter

YABU - but only because DH and I make a big fuss over birthdays :) Not a big party or anything, but just a private thing for us. We always get each other:

a) card
b) presents (usually small)
c) cake with sparklers and candles :o (best bit!!! :o)
d) helium balloon
e) banners up (same ones every year)

Have to admit I love it! DH did all this the first year we were dating and we sort of got into the habit of it. Ironically this year my mum is throwing me a party and I really can't be bothered, just want my cake with a sparkler from DH :o

Lovely post Scuttle :) Every day is a triumph! :o

Yeah Scuttle - your attitude is great. Am quite :( at some of the posters on here who genuinely don't see surviving another day/month/year/decade as any kind of triumph worth celebrating. Or maybe I should be pleased that they take life for granted :o

Quite agree scuttle. I have never suffered any dreadful life-threatening illness but I am prone to depression. And every day when I am not depressed I give thanks (in my head only and I hope in my actions) for being alive and being sane and for the sheer incredible unlikeliness of 'me' getting a chance to be alive, let alone in a safe, largely kindly part of the world. Spring and early summer tends to make me quite disgustinly Pollyanna-ish anyway....

Great posts Scuttlebutter-I hope that you have many more. It puts life into perspective for all the 'bah humbug' types. Life is for living-celebrate it!

Do I expect gifts? Nope... Just love having my family all over to celebrate ME being part of the family.... Even my Gparents get a birthday party, and she is 87!!! When everyone is soo busy, it's perfect to do. We have even held "joint' parties....so that everyone who traveled a distance could be there. I made a choo choo train cake for 6 of us who had birthdays around the same time... (within a month)... Lots of family pictures it was awesome. Gifts? No... Love/family...yes.

Do I pout??? NOPE....

Even my adult children treat me extra special on my birthdays, and so do their girlfriends!!!! :)))) Their g/f, love the fact their men, treat their mother soo nice... I'm glad I raised them knowing all birthdays are special... no matter how old you are...

So am I Mother2many, and not in a materialistic way that it is just about children taking. People are missing the point if they think it is about presents - you can celebrate it without one- it is about being special for the day and time.

Poor your friend :-( that's so sad.

I really like them- we have lots of family abroad, so it's just an excuse to see people. Plus they're usually much richer than us so it's gorgeous hotels with swimming pools and nice views and huge breakfasts

YABU.

Life is to be celebrated so just give me an excuse. The only thing with big birthdays are the big numbers that come with it. So I've learned to count backwards!

My birthday is less than 2 weeks after Christmas so from an early age I learnt to be disappointed with them.

The only person I expect to make a fuss of my birthday is DH - I like to go out for a curry and have an afternoon away from the children. When DH's birthday he is the same.

However, in 3 years DH is 50 - I am already planning his birthday party.

It's normally my single, childless friends that still want to make a huge deal of their birthdays, party, drinks 'just for close circle', meal, weekend away bla bla. We all go along with it but it's becoming tedious. The rest of us just haven't got the time, inclination or money!

So, no YANBU, I totally get what you're saying.

YABU and a bit joyless. I don't want big parties for my birthday but I like other people's - it's a lovely way to get together with friends. I enjoy a quiet dinner with DH or friends for my birthday. Celebrating friend's birthdays is (to me) a way of acknowledging how much they mean to me.

I love celebrating birthdays of my friends. Admittedly none of them go OTT, unless it's a big birthday but I enjoy seeing my friends and going out with them whatever the occasion. Surely enjoying someone's birthday is showing how much you care about them as a friend?

Although obviously if this places massive financial constraints then maybe it should be reconsidered but generally I think YAB a bit U.

X-posted with Hellon!