Tight Wad friend and Street Party dilemma - quick advice please, have to go soon!!

[VonHerrBurton]

Local-ish street party starting in about half an hour. All lovely stuff planned for dc all around same age (8 9 10 11) Next door neighbour and I with our dc who are good friends, planned a couple of weeks ago to attend, my dh is at work all day as is her dp. Or so I thought. She rocked up about 20 mins ago, said she fancied some kid free time with dp who is off, dumped her 2 (excited beyond belief) dc with me and legged it.

We have to take our own food, drink, seats etc, I was just planning on nipping to Tesco then going straight there with my one dc (street party not actually on our street, a mile or so away) So now they've disappeared and I am ROYALLY pissed off. I'm guess I'm going on my fucking own with 3 kids and now I'm expected to feed and water them. I asked her about food when we spoke about it a couple weeks ago and she seemed a bit miffed that we 'had' to take stuff, she's the type who'd bring a bottle of cheapo wine and drink all the Chablis at parties.

I have to take them and cater for them, don't I? WWYD?

Those poor kids! Dumped so their mum can have a shag some kid free time.

And by doing this the 'DP' is going to see that they are utterly disposable too, so HE'LL never think to prioritise them or care about them either. He'll see them as something to be offloaded too.

I wouldn´t leave my kids with her-wouldn´t trust her to look after them tbh.
as she doesn´t seem bothered about looking after her own

Well done for telling her OP.

Don't forget next time you see her, to remind her she owes you money for the food.

As if you needed any evidence that she was taking the pss, it is that she switched her phone off so you couldn't get hold of her to tell her to come and deal with her kids.
Imagine if one of them had been taken ill or had an accident?

There's a word for women like her that shouldn't be shared in polite company.

Kids come first and gentlemen friends have to fit around that. Whatever you do don't allow her to care for your children, you've seen how much she "cares" for her own!

I'm so pleased you stated your case, she can't fail to understand why relations between you have cooled now. (People like this are so hard to be assertive with as they have a gobby answer for everything!) She was wrong, she now knows she's wrong and hopefully the end of your friendship will be the wake up call she needs. The man won't last as she lacks the self-respect to sustain a loving relationship.

Mark her card & watch over her kids in case you need to report neglect at some point in the future. Her sense of entitlement renders her incapable of understanding their needs.

agree diddl - and if the OP thinks dumping your kids like that is bad (which I think we all agree) why would she want to do the same? I'd hate for my DC to be looked after by someone who didn't want to do it

Bochead - this isn't polite company - it's mumsnet, so don't hold back!

OP - well done for speaking your mind, and for giving those kids an afternoon to remember, as aethelred said.

'You didn't need to buy anything... they ate before they went'.

Well she can (in the grand words of other MNetters) fuck off to the far side of Fuck, because unfortunately she didn't stick around long enough to tell you this. Stupid, selfish cow. You should say pointedly (and make sure she does give you that cash) 'Well, personally I don't feel comfortable turning up to a communal gathering without anything and then free-loading off everyone else. They are young and there was party food; it's naive of you to think they would have the self-control to not touch it.'

She sounds like a user. Well done for sticking up for yourself. If she doesn't give you the money today I would pop a copy of the receipt through her door to remind her.

Oh pleeeeeeeeeeese post her number on here so we can all text her, pleeeeeeeeeease

Given she's a neighbour & your DC socialise, don't see that you could have handled it better, OP, not good to fall out badly with neighbours.

I suggest next time you give her kids some (unauthorised) interesting hair cuts. We all know how well that goes down with other parents.

Does not sound like a very good mum, dumping children on friend and running off jus so she can have me time. Thn add to that switching off her mobile so she can't be contacted, what if there was an emergency. Best stay away from her

Well done for speaking to her, now cut her out of your life

You're all right. You're all lovely too, thanks for the support.

I've been in work 'til 2, tenner thru the door?... errr, no.

I wouldn't hold my breath for any money.

VHB, well done you handled it brilliantly - with dignity while making your point.

I said this yesterday, spot on i think

I bet if you asked her to reimburse you for food, she would say oh ok will sort it out, and then conveniently forget. you wont get any money back.

Yep, consider the money as something nice you did for her kids, not for her. Yes, a normal person would pay you back, but she doesn't sound the type, so just focus on the positive of the children.

It'll be tough, I suppose, as your children are all friends, but we don't all have to like the parents of our children's friends.

Really well done bringing it up with her, btw. I know how tough that must've been.

OP, well done on talking to her about it and sticking to your guns in the face of her opposition. You sound like a really decent person and she does not.

Has she coughed up yet?