Tight Wad friend and Street Party dilemma - quick advice please, have to go soon!!

[VonHerrBurton]

Local-ish street party starting in about half an hour. All lovely stuff planned for dc all around same age (8 9 10 11) Next door neighbour and I with our dc who are good friends, planned a couple of weeks ago to attend, my dh is at work all day as is her dp. Or so I thought. She rocked up about 20 mins ago, said she fancied some kid free time with dp who is off, dumped her 2 (excited beyond belief) dc with me and legged it.

We have to take our own food, drink, seats etc, I was just planning on nipping to Tesco then going straight there with my one dc (street party not actually on our street, a mile or so away) So now they've disappeared and I am ROYALLY pissed off. I'm guess I'm going on my fucking own with 3 kids and now I'm expected to feed and water them. I asked her about food when we spoke about it a couple weeks ago and she seemed a bit miffed that we 'had' to take stuff, she's the type who'd bring a bottle of cheapo wine and drink all the Chablis at parties.

I have to take them and cater for them, don't I? WWYD?

Well if that's the way it really happened, I would never speak to her again after today if I were you.

Except to say if she ever pulls that stunt again, you'll be calling SS and reporting the child abandonment.

Phone her on her mobile and tell her to come back! It's incredibly rude and annoying but you either have to grin and bear it, make the best of the day and try and have a good time regardless or insist that she comes home and takes them herself. As others have said no need to get into an argument, just explain why you're upset.

And in the OP's defence I do know of someone who would behave exactly as the OP's 'friend' has.

People only behave that way because other people enable that behaviour Nanny0gg

It wouldn't work if they didn't.

Actually, before you leave, text her if you don't want to do confrontation:

"[Friend], I'm actually pretty pissed off you just dumped your kids on me without bothering to check if it was ok before hand - I don't want to supervise them all afternoon. I think our friendship is over. [VHB]. PS You didn't leave the children with food or money to buy any, that's just rude. Will you be bothering to pay me back or are you expecting me to be out of pocket while I do free childcare?"

That way you don't have to say it, the DCs don't have to overhear you, and she's got time to think about it before she picks them up, if she values your friendship, she'll be grovelling when she picks them up, if she's not, do'nt bother seeing her again, she doesn't actually like you and just wants to use you.

Call her and tell her to come back!

x-post.

I think don'tmind's text is a good idea.

People only behave that way because other people enable that behaviour Nanny0gg

I think it's pretty unfair to blame the OP for her friend's appalling behaviour. The responsibility for rudeness rests squarely with the perpetrator IMO. Otherwise it's like saying if you get your handbag stolen it's your own fault for not holding on to it more tightly

Oh, and you should say somehting, either on the phone or text before you leave, that way you're actually giving her the opportunity to fix this. She could come back and take the DCs off you. If you dont, you are either going to have to pretend it's all ok when she picks them up (therefore suggesting to her she can do it again) or you're going to have to be grumping/say something when she collects them, at which point she'll say "well why didn't you say so?" and you're answer will be.... ???

what you'll do is seeth about it and not change anything.

I think a text is a good idea. She has effectively spoilt your day - take the gloss of her by letting her know how cheesed off you are then she has to worry about what she will say when she picks her children up.

I'd love some kid free time with my DH. can you take mine to the party too? They'd love it! I'll even pay for their food.

What a bloody joke your "friend" is. With friends like that my love, you don't need enemies poor DCs

I'm continually stunned that people have the balls and the cheek to do something like this. Not that I'm doubting the OP, just that I'm shocked that people are so awful to their so-called friends.

You can't let this slide, you have to say something. Her conduct was absolutely unacceptable.

Alternatively, post her mobile number here and we can all text her telling her how unreasonable she is and she owes you X for food and childcare

That would shock her!!! 764 texts from unknown numbers telling her that her parenting is shite and the kid free time with DH has just run out!!!!

Imogengladheart!! would be soooooo funny, for all of us on the know anyway!!!!

ha ha yes SO do that.

I'm up for a PM

Well, she couldn't actually post the number here, that would just be wrong. But maybe she could PM it to everyone on the thread. Surely nothing wrong with that.

It really would be so funny though. I'd love to see her face if that happened.

I´d text her to say that her children were on her doorstep waiting for her to take them out as planned.

When the "friend " returns I would tell her calmly
"I never ever want you to do that to me again. I am not your skivvy or free childminder, I am supposed to be your friend. I don't want you dumping yoiur kids on me with no prior arrangement and running away before I can say no or discuss how I'm supposed to feed them or whether I want 3 kids on my own again. "
I would never have let her get out of the door without taking her kids with her though. That really was a horrible thing to do.

Ha ha do it!!!!

Speed dial finger at the ready!!!!

I thought that today is a Bank Holiday that had been known about

i bet if you asked her to reimburse you for food, she would say oh ok will sort it out, and then conveniently forget. you wont get any money back.
its really up to you where you want the relationship to go now though.

lots of people are takers when they find they can manipulate others.