Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tight Wad friend and Street Party dilemma - quick advice please, have to go soon!!

196 replies

VonHerrBurton · 04/06/2012 12:19

Local-ish street party starting in about half an hour. All lovely stuff planned for dc all around same age (8 9 10 11) Next door neighbour and I with our dc who are good friends, planned a couple of weeks ago to attend, my dh is at work all day as is her dp. Or so I thought. She rocked up about 20 mins ago, said she fancied some kid free time with dp who is off, dumped her 2 (excited beyond belief) dc with me and legged it.

We have to take our own food, drink, seats etc, I was just planning on nipping to Tesco then going straight there with my one dc (street party not actually on our street, a mile or so away) So now they've disappeared and I am ROYALLY pissed off. I'm guess I'm going on my fucking own with 3 kids and now I'm expected to feed and water them. I asked her about food when we spoke about it a couple weeks ago and she seemed a bit miffed that we 'had' to take stuff, she's the type who'd bring a bottle of cheapo wine and drink all the Chablis at parties.

I have to take them and cater for them, don't I? WWYD?

OP posts:
diddl · 04/06/2012 13:37

OoopsBlush

..for a while?

How come her partner suddenly had the day off?

Babylon1 · 04/06/2012 13:41

Imogen, my 5 week old DS hasn't slept for 3 nights and consequently neither have I!! I can take evil to a whole new level right now!! Grin

MousyMouse · 04/06/2012 13:43

there are a few people who are working today, unfortunately not everyone can take today off...

everlong · 04/06/2012 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheTeaPig · 04/06/2012 13:45

I think you should text/ring her now and ask her why she drove off - that you werent expecting to look after her DC all afternoon.
Otherwise she will do the innocent - "oh thought you were OK with it ? You didnt say"Hmm thing later.

madmouse · 04/06/2012 13:47

There is a lot about some of these people I don't get - dumping dcs on others like that for starters. I have no family in the UK and am very grateful for friends that have ds for me, always am meticulous with arrangements and thank yous.

But to switch your phone off? So that if one of your dcs runs across the road and gets hurt no one can reach you? Or even if friend has an emergency they cannot call you to take your child back?

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2012 13:51

People only behave that way because other people enable that behaviour Nanny0gg

I think it's pretty unfair to blame the OP for her friend's appalling behaviour. The responsibility for rudeness rests squarely with the perpetrator IMO. Otherwise it's like saying if you get your handbag stolen it's your own fault for not holding on to it more tightly Hmm

Daisy I'm not laying the blame solely on the OP but we all have to take responsibility for ourselves when it comes to not allowing other people to use us as door mats.

If you refuse to lie down, no-one can wipe their feet on you.

diddl · 04/06/2012 13:53

"there are a few people who are working today, unfortunately not everyone can take today off..."

Yes, of course.

Just wonder why it appears to have not been known about until today...

MousyMouse · 04/06/2012 13:59

...maybe the plot was planned in advance?
...maybe her dh's work re-organised the holiday rota at short notice?

TheFarSide · 04/06/2012 14:02

Agree with Worra. And I'm wondering whether the OP is going to take any of the advice that she asked for.

imogengladheart · 04/06/2012 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2012 14:14

She didn't run out of a party though.

I'm just struggling to understand exactly how it happened because the thread title and the OP is more about the money/feeding issue than the fact the kids were abandoned.

imogengladheart · 04/06/2012 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waltermittymissus · 04/06/2012 14:27

I think you should send that text OP and then tell us what happens

FashionEaster · 04/06/2012 14:38

Wow. Hope VHB has the gumption to address this with cheeky mare neighbour.

OAM2009 · 04/06/2012 14:43

Go and enjoy the party Crown. Have fun and enjoy the afternoon Crown. U can deal with the rest later.

  • Do keep separate receipts and ask for her to pay her share.
  • I would send a text to say "I would like to speak to you privately later on as I am not happy about you dumping your kids on me." Then she knows your feelings, you never know, she might even return and take them off you!
  • Have an adult conversation with her, tonight or tomorrow, about her behaviour and the effect on your friendship. Give her a chance to apologise / mend her ways.
  • If things don't change, she is not your friend and you need to say goodbye to her.
2rebecca · 04/06/2012 14:55

In the case Imogen said I would be shouting "no I won't, come and discuss this properly" at the retreating person. If they didn't hear me then when they returned for their children I would be telling them that their behaviour was unacceptable and I never wanted to have kids dumped on me like that again.
I can't imagine it ever happening though as my friends are nice, plus I tend to be busy so not the sort of person people pop round to see on spec thinking I might fancy some free childminding. I don't think anyone who knew me would think that they could just dump their kids on me and run either.
I think one of the reasons I don't have many friends is that I wouldn't class people who treated me like this as friends. I'd rather have a few friends who treat me well then loads of acquaintances who use me.

TheFarSide · 04/06/2012 15:22

I would hide the children in my house. Then, when the neighbour reappeared, I would say, oh sorry, I left them with lots of other nice people at the street party.

I really would.

HildaOgden · 04/06/2012 15:22

Just drop her after this.She won't reimburse you,and if she does it will be with a sulky face on her.

Learn something from it though,whenever anyone drops something on you that makes you instantly feel 'whoa there',let the first words out of your mouth be 'Let me think about that'.Then take the time to think before agreeing to it or not.

MerylStrop · 04/06/2012 15:37

Wow. Just Wow.

I'm with the present her with an invoice people. For the food and for your time.

You cannot allow her (and her dp) to get away with the high-handed approach, or they will be at it all the time. Presumably, all she had to do was ask, and you'd probably have been happy to take them? Make that clear.

TheFarSide · 04/06/2012 15:44

Go on, OP, pretend you mislaid the kids.

manicbmc · 04/06/2012 15:47

Presumably, as the OP had no idea this was going to happen, she'll have no idea when her 'friend' will be coming to pick the kids up.

Definitely invoice her. And then don't bother with her again.

Bethan31 · 04/06/2012 16:08

Take the kids and have a good time, then defriend your neighbour. The text sounds like a good idea. Your neighbour sounds very rude.

confusedpixie · 04/06/2012 16:29

Wow, wouldn't want your neighbour! Please do tell her to get lost when she comes to get the children and do hand her a bill! What fucking cheek.

Hopandaskip · 04/06/2012 17:12

is there a soft play centre locally? I would be very tempted to leave her kids there having fun and let her pick them up and pay the bill.

Swipe left for the next trending thread