MIL not happy with the clothes (toddler) DD wears?

[BackToB4Beatrice]

MIL has asked that when she has DD she wears more pink and dresses "so everyone knows she is a girl"!

MIL babysits for me a couple of evenings a month (they don't go out as she doesn't have her until 5.30 ish) and then whenever MIL would like to have her/ be kind enough to take her out for the day.

Today they went to a little village fair, me and DH stayed at home as there was various mumsnetting jobs to be getting on with.

When they returned, MIL asked to talk to me and these were her exact words-

"when we have BeatriceBaby, please can she wear at least something pink- and really I woul like her to wear more dresses and "girly" stuff- so that every one who sees her knows she is a girl"

I replied-

"er, yeah I guess, it was a bit too cold for dresses today though?

MIL

"but she could wear leggings with them...."

Me

• " "

Just to add- I do not dress DD as a boy. Today she had blue and White pumps with bows on, skinny jeans, a square necked red White and blue smock type top, with the front of her shoulder lengh hair plaited sideways into a clip with a FREAKING flower on it!!

Is MIL off her rocker?? Should I just do as she asks- it's not really hurting me. Although I feel like it was just rude of her to even ask.........
What do you lovely MNers think?

She is BU. What is stopping her from proudly pointing out DD is a girl if asked? Why should baby girls have to wear sodding pink or dresses? being a toddler means you need practical washable comfortable clothes, end of. Her outfit sounds charming.

Tell her to buy dd some nice dresses

I can see your point that it won't harm you it's not really anything to do with her what she wears though!

Nod, smile and do whatever you like!

Dress her how you like but I guess making small allowances to please your MIL wouldn't hurt? She does help you out rather a lot.

My dd rarely wears dresses and won't wear hair clips etc. Your MIL would be unimpressed.

I wouldn't really take too kindly to being told what to dress my child in, but then I'm a bit reactionary. Also, if I had a daughter I'd not be dressing her in frilly pink either. MIL sounds slightly bonkers...

When my mum says stuff like that to me, I just tell her that I buy stuff I like, and she can buy her stuff that she likes if she wants :)
I like stripes and checks and polka dots, she likes flowery dainty stuff and mad arran jumpers, but if she wants to buy clothes for my kids to wear out with her it's fine by me, they only wear them in an emergency though when I have them!

Tell her to feel free to change her into the things she wants to buy for her when she comes over but you'll continue to dress her in the (lovely sounding) things she has.

My DM changes my DDs clothes as soon as i leave on the days she has her. I like the way I dress her but DM has different taste and I don't mind, no skin off my nose when she's with her. It won't be long until our DDs are telling us all they don't want to wear the clothes we've chosen!

My mil says the same about our 3.5 year old dd. I just smile and say yes. Then let dd pick out what she's wearing.

Suggest that you all go shopping together to buy her some new dresses, her treat but you get to filter out anything you can't stand.

Ah yes all girls MUST wear pin and BOYS must wear blue. Tell her you dont approve of gender stereotyping ?

My MIL feels the same way although she wouldn't be so blunt about it. It's a more traditional view, what you put dd in today is just not the kind of thing that little girls used to wear. I don't think your MIL was particularly rude about it or off her rocker!, and if it's no problem for you, it will make someone who does you a lot of favours happy! I always put dd (3.8) in the most girly clothes she owns when MIL is visiting or dd is staying with her.

Do not tell her that she can dress her how she wants when she takes her out - that way madness lies. It's confusing for the DC and too weird.

Just say yes and then try to remember to put a pink t-shirt on instead of her red/blue one (though sounds fab for the Jubilee!!) or even say to your MIL you don't have much in pink as you aren't keen on it, but you could go shopping together for a few bits if she would like to buy her a few things (as others said).

tell her you'll decide what your daughter wears, thank you. if she wants a dolly to dress, she should get her own.
i'm sorry i sound harsh to your mil but your daughter shouldn't have to dress in a particular way when she visits family.

Actually, I´m hurt for your daughter that MIL thinks she should look a certain way when with her.

Tastes change over years, different generations have different ideas.

Did MIL dress her own children as she wanted or as her MIL wanted her to?

I certainly wouldn´t buy something specifically to suit MILs taste.

My mother constantly disapproved of what DD1 wore as i refused to put her in pink - DD1 is now 2.8 and will only wear pink dresses with tights and pink shoes (i blame nursery) - i have threatened, begged, pleaded and finally just given into it - my mum is like this and smug! Dress your DD in what you like! You may not have a say for very long!

I think some people have freakish ideas of DC's and their perceived gender. DS constantly gets mistaken for a girl as he has shoulder length blonde her.... look at his clothes you twonks... he is dressed in boy things, he is 6 so clothes do tend to sway to one or the other....

what about blue dresses? (we have plenty actually)

MIL makes her opinions on DD outfits (more so when I dress DS is DD's old pink clothes) but would never actually ask us to change. tbh even that freaks me out a bit as DD will start to pick up the fact she is being assessed on her looks at each skype call and meeting.

(if she doesn't like it the comment asking 'are you still in your PJ's' tend to come out)

I have taken the approach of not going out of my dress her for MIL (either for or against her opinions)

See, if it were me this would really irritate me, and I'd probably be prompted to dress her in dungarees, brown tops and green cardies or somesuch for future MIL trips. However, that's not v grown up or good for family relations, so probably not the best idea .

Ask her 'why do people need to know she's a girl? Are you hoping small boys will propose marriage to her?'

I dislike overtly gendered dressing myself and would just flat out refuse this. Of course you may wish to be nicer. But I think 'So you're saying you will only look after your granddaughter if she's dressed a certain way?' would be a fair question.

I wouldn't like this at all. It makes me think that your mil is somehow saying that your dd is not quite good enough, as she is. Children are not toys, there for the amusement of DGP.

Also, it's rude to criticise what you, the mother, has chosen. She had her kids and presumably chose their clothes - now it's up to you!

There is really no need to discuss it, justify it or give her chance to discuss it. Smile and nod and ignore.

My DD (who is just one) doesn't dress particularly girly and even wears her brothers cast offs. No one has said anything yet. If they did I might get cross.

One of my favourite outfits for my daughter was navy sweatpants & navy/cream striped long sleeved t-shirt.

I´d also loved her brother in it