MIL not happy with the clothes (toddler) DD wears?

[BackToB4Beatrice]

MIL has asked that when she has DD she wears more pink and dresses "so everyone knows she is a girl"!

MIL babysits for me a couple of evenings a month (they don't go out as she doesn't have her until 5.30 ish) and then whenever MIL would like to have her/ be kind enough to take her out for the day.

Today they went to a little village fair, me and DH stayed at home as there was various mumsnetting jobs to be getting on with.

When they returned, MIL asked to talk to me and these were her exact words-

"when we have BeatriceBaby, please can she wear at least something pink- and really I woul like her to wear more dresses and "girly" stuff- so that every one who sees her knows she is a girl"

I replied-

"er, yeah I guess, it was a bit too cold for dresses today though?

MIL

"but she could wear leggings with them...."

Me

• " "

Just to add- I do not dress DD as a boy. Today she had blue and White pumps with bows on, skinny jeans, a square necked red White and blue smock type top, with the front of her shoulder lengh hair plaited sideways into a clip with a FREAKING flower on it!!

Is MIL off her rocker?? Should I just do as she asks- it's not really hurting me. Although I feel like it was just rude of her to even ask.........
What do you lovely MNers think?

"if wearing "girly" clothes means that much to your MIL I would just go with."

Why?

Why should Granny decide how her GD is dressed if she´s not the one buying the clothes?

Because Granny didn´t have a daughter of her own to dress as she wanted so she gets to do it with her GD instead?

I'm of the "smile, nod and ignore" camp. I certainly wouldn't be getting into arguments about gender stereotyping with her.

It saves so much aggro to keep well out of it - if you just smile, nod and ignore it eventually becomes a virtue as in 'exotic knows her own mind'- without once having to get unpleasant and forceful- or have a full blown debate.

I agree it´s not worth getting into an argument with her about it.

But tbh, the more I read it, the more offensive I find it.

After that if MIL bought something frilly I´d be tempted to not use it!

It's a child not a doll, tell her to sod off

YANBU

Blinking cheek! Yep smile nodd and ignore! Your child, your choice. If it continues I think I'd be saying things like. Ah dd looks so lovely when she can play without the restriction of silly frilly dresses. She's a person not a doll

Sorry, but just to check, your MIL took your dd out on jubilee weekend to an event and thought that dressing dd in red, white and blue was inappropriate whereas pink would have fitted in? Odd.

I would have just said 'no' and gone to make mil a cup of tea.

I don't know what it says about my personality that Obama stunned that other people even get asked these questions. My mum or MIL just wouldn't dare think about it. My children are mine and DH's. The only person who gets a say are the DC.

Obama? Fucking autocorrect

Obama !!

And yes Dontmind, that is it.

Spoke to DP last night about it and this thread. He told me just to ignore it and perhaps throw in a fee pink T-shirts for when she is with her.

DP is a little bitter (last of four boys- PILs obviously kept going, thinking they would get a girl) and reckons it has nothing to do with DD looking like a boy (she doesn't wear gender-neutral clothes, she still wears girl clothes), but more to do with the dress up and showing her off to her friends (would of been a lot there at village fair thing).

Never mind!

Sure this has been suggested but can you go conpleely over the top. Big frilly pink dress, pink tights, pink shoes, pink bonnet, lots of frills,
Or would she just love that and not see the irony?

I suppose smile and nod is the best solution. Though I would be very tempted to go with Ivana's suggestion and ask her to dress like a real Granny. We don't see enough fluffy shawls these days imho.

I agree with your DP. My response to mil would've been the truth "I'm not really a big fan of pink to be honest...I think she might have pink t-shirt somewhere, but other than that I don't really go in for it. Besides, I don't think anyone could mistake her for a boy because she has long hair and is very feminine. I just don't 'do' pink! Sorry!"

The thing is, your mil obviously harbours fantasies of mucho girliness - and sorry to those that disgree, but that doesn't make her a bad person.
Yes, it's a bit cheeky broaching the subject with you like this....but I don't think it stems from criticism of you, so much as her desire to fuss and swoon at pink girliness. Ok it's a bit silly of her...but it's not nasty.

Would it really be a huge strain to anyone to choose a pink dress or outfit of your own liking and keep it inreserve for silly old grandma?

I have a little daughter too - and pinkness is minimal because I'm not a fan either....but it has to be said there are some very sweet pink clothes for little girls out there.

For example... this would look ace with a little pair of converse hi-tops?

Good post pictish.

I don't even really hate pink, I just like other things as well.

Wouldn't put her in those tutus I'm afraid, but I love this and this. Maybe we can sort something out!!

I can't see what is on your links I'm afraid, as they don't seem to work....but yes, I'm sure you can find something pink that is to your own liking, and pedal it out for granny. Some might say that you shouldn't have to do that...and I suppose they're right, but she sounds like a proud, involved grandma who rather delights in her little gd.

I certainly don't think it's worth falling out over anyway!

I am amazed at the rudeness of some people. Let your DD wear what she wants.

At 2.5 I am guessing that like my daughter, she wears what her mother chooses.

At 2 my DD was deciding her own clothes.

Ok then.
My dd is three and doesn't give a toss you see?

Aaargh the curse of pink! DD now likes to point at the clothes she wants to wear (also a toddler) and picks bright colours one day, pink the next.

She has very short hair (it's slow to grow) and when she was younger people often said she looked like a boy and asked why I didn't dress her in pink/put bows on her head (they would be in her hair if she had enough).

I remember on one occasion taking her out in a babygrow type thing which was navy and white striped with big pink flowers on. Someone said, "Is that a girl or a boy, I can't tell with what it's wearing?" I just smiled and they said, "Oh it's a boy, why is there pink on his outfit". At this point I got irritated and said, "Because I want him to grow up gay."

I should point out that I have no problem with people being gay at all (many of my friends are gay)...but stupid questions and attitudes like that bring out my inner bitch and I tend to say stuff to deliberately provoke narrow-minded old gimmers! :)

you say that winky but I don't imagine she was browsing the next catalogue was she? My DCs choose their own clothes, but I dictate what there is to choose from.

Your MIL would hate me. My 2yo dd is currently dressed in jeans and a Thomas t-shirt (courtesy of older ds) which she picked out and is very happy with. She's even wearing Thomas pants.

I must confess to preferring her in something a little more feminine - but as I live in jeans I'm not going to force her to wear dresses. She's quite opinionated and I think there are more important things in life. No way would I let her grandma decide what she was wearing.

I'm with the smile, nod, ignore camp.