MIL not happy with the clothes (toddler) DD wears?

[BackToB4Beatrice]

MIL has asked that when she has DD she wears more pink and dresses "so everyone knows she is a girl"!

MIL babysits for me a couple of evenings a month (they don't go out as she doesn't have her until 5.30 ish) and then whenever MIL would like to have her/ be kind enough to take her out for the day.

Today they went to a little village fair, me and DH stayed at home as there was various mumsnetting jobs to be getting on with.

When they returned, MIL asked to talk to me and these were her exact words-

"when we have BeatriceBaby, please can she wear at least something pink- and really I woul like her to wear more dresses and "girly" stuff- so that every one who sees her knows she is a girl"

I replied-

"er, yeah I guess, it was a bit too cold for dresses today though?

MIL

"but she could wear leggings with them...."

Me

• " "

Just to add- I do not dress DD as a boy. Today she had blue and White pumps with bows on, skinny jeans, a square necked red White and blue smock type top, with the front of her shoulder lengh hair plaited sideways into a clip with a FREAKING flower on it!!

Is MIL off her rocker?? Should I just do as she asks- it's not really hurting me. Although I feel like it was just rude of her to even ask.........
What do you lovely MNers think?

IvanaNap- you made me laugh out loud!

Pass her the Boden catalogue, and get her to pick out a few she likes for her to order. Dd won't get much wear from them at her age, and you can ebay them afterwards [mercenary]

She's just old-fashioned. Keep dressing your DD the way she is (because it sounds lovely) and just mutter something about 'she likes to wear the pink to nursery.'

Exactly everlong.

That's the thing that bothers me- that she thinks she can just tell me what to do, not the clothes so much, IYSWIM.

Maybe I will just make an effort to put a pink top or something on. Although part of me wants to take Pesto's approach!

DD is 2.5, so does have some opinion in her what she wears, although if I let her have total control she would wear her Minnie Mouse costume everywhere- so maybe MILs way is better!

In maybe? defence to MIL, she did have 4 boys, and when DD was born, exclaimed she was so happy to tell everyone that she finally had a little girl. Funny, didn't see her doing any pushing when DD was born.........

Smile, nod, and ignore.

Or tell her she is welcome to buy pink dresses, but you let dd choose what she wants to wear and you can't guarantee that she will choose the pink dress on grandma's day.

x-posted. Def send her in the Minnie Mouse costume next time. Doesn't that involve a pink dress?

When dd1 was about a year a friend of mil looked at her in her pink dress and remarked "what a lovely boy. JUst like his grandfather". Bit back the question of how often fil wore pink dresses...

She is being unreasonable. The idea that a girl is not properly dressed unless wearing something pink is patently ridiculous, and neither is the suggestion that your MIL should have some say in what your child wears sound.

More generally, appropriate comments regarding the attire of a child one is looking after include things like, "Don't let me forget to take her anorak next time - we got a bit damp," and, "Does he have any jelly shoes in case we go for a paddle?" Anything amounting to, "This child's gender expression is not satisfactory," is off-limits.

I constantly get told by my mum that random strangers think ds is a girl because of his "long hair" (it just about touches the back of his neck at the back and is sits on his ears and above his eyebrows at the front iyswim?) IMO it's not long, it's just not short, and it was even worse last week because he had a pink t-shirt on! I smile and nod because a) I don't care b) ds doesn't care and c) people thought ds was a girl when he had no hair and was in blue sleepsuits.

Oh yes Bertha, complete with plastic high heels and head band with ears.

Bloody thing.

I think your outfit sounds really cute and stylish but if wearing "girly" clothes means that much to your MIL I would just go with. Can't see that there would be any harm and it sounds like it would make her happy with little effort on your part.

Everyone has different tastes, and hers just sounds a bit more traditional than your own. My MIL sounds similar although she does buy lots of clothes for my DD, some of them quite old fashioned but I just try and put them on DD when she is going to see her gran and wear the stuff I like every other day.

On the one hand I dress dd in jeans most of the time and this summer she will be wearing joules cropped jeans every single day because she is quite rough and tumble, gets v dirty and trips over dresses.
But....my mum buys her clothes now and them and frankly I couldn't care less what they look like - she is her grandma and she can buy her whatever she wants. I control what she wears the other 99% of the time
She takes her to WI things now and then to show her off. I make a special effort to dress her up in girly clothes because my mum likes it plus the old ladies there coo like mad over her. My dd is such a delight whatever she wears but I like to make people happy with her that way now and then.
My mil is dead but I imagine she would have the penchant for frilly dresses too. I'd be indulging her too if I could. They are little for such a short time

If you live near a print your own t-shirt place you could buy your DD a blue t saying I AM A GIRL.

Or tell your DMIL to sod off. She's just rude.

My MIL would have my 2 year old DD dressed as a marshmallow if she could. She buys the sickliest baby pink things and hates the things I dress DD in. I was very proud of DD the last time we visited, MIL pulled out a candlyfloss pink jacket and DD looked at it and yelled 'NO, pink nasty. No, no, nooooooooooooo.' I haven't trained her in this, she just hates pink and loves purple and red :)

yanbu, the only pink I have is what other people buy her, there are so many lovely colours, I don't understand why people want to restrict girls to just one.

My dd wears jeans most days, or shorts if its hot. I try to remember a suitably girly top when Granny is doing us a favour with free childcare but would not attempt anything pink or frilly, it wouldnt last five minutes

I personally don't like toddler girls in pumps and skinny jeans either (although fine for an older child, DD6 wears that sort of thing), but then I dress my kids the way I like, and you do yours, and it's personal choice isn't it! I can understand how your MIL might get on your nerves with that comment. Ultimately I can't see how it would hurt to suggest she chooses a few things she likes for next birthday etc, in the interests of peace!

A birthday present for your MIL, so people know she's a girl.

Check out pink stinks for an interesting perspective on why the pink obsession is not as harmless as people like to think.

IMO it's unhealthy for gender stereotypes to be drummed into children - I'm not against pink or dresses or traditionally feminine anything, but neither do I think it's the only way to be a girl or that it's odd not to want that.

YANBU, your MIL is though.
My mum once asked me something similar about my DD1 when she was a baby and I purposely dressed her in what my mum deemed to be 'boys clothes'. It drove the point home that DD was not and is not a doll for dressing up. Mum has never uttered a word to me about it since.

My DF cut DS (18mo) hair because he looked like a girl I was annoyed, and told him so... that showed him!

Glad a few of you have been in the same type of situation.
TBH, I don't really think too much about what I put her in. She is generally a jeans king of girl, but does have some pink, and some dresses (I bought a beautiful red, blue and White polka dots one for the jubilee- sodding rain), but she does wear a lot of more modern stuff maybe.

And I'm not too bothered what she ways- I guess I prefer the cool/stylish kind of look as opposed to traditional.

But it's the fact that MIL kind of demanded it. If she would of bought her a vomit pink dress as a present, I would of put her in it and said "how lovely, thankyou", and not really been bothered.

It was the way she went about it.

tell her to buy it then.

I like the IM A GIRL t shirt but just smile and ignore. Reminds me of when my mil told us to dress DS in red for a photo she was taking so he'd match her kitchen

I hate pink, loathe it almost irrationally hence never put dd in it, DM complained so much I bought her 2 pink t shirts online, one has Che on it and the other Guy Fawkes from V for Vendetta. They went down well, not- but everyone else loves them and I have a queue of people wanting them when DD grows out of them.

Heheh bambino- that's the kind of request I'd put in when I'm a MIL!