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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you that are not truely independent until you can drive!

242 replies

angelicstar · 31/05/2012 13:05

Ok - I admit to being a bit of a zealot about driving as I've just passed my test in my 30's and am a total convert!!

But honestly I have never felt so free. I finally feel like I don't have to rely on anyone (usually got lifts from DH/Dad/Friends etc). I'm not at the mercy of public transport and never have to get soaking wet walking in the rain again.

I wish someone had made me do this years ago and I would really encourage anyone thinking about learning to drive to do so - it has made such a difference to me (and if I can pass anyone can!)

OP posts:
mumeeee · 31/05/2012 14:23

YABU, DH drives but he cycles or walks to work, He has just gone for a weekend away and has gone by train as he is going to Skomer Island and you can't take cars on the island ( he's getting the boat to the Isaland) and he doesn't want to leave it in the car park, I don't drive but go everywhere by public transport or walk,

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 31/05/2012 14:24

My test is due next month but am really conficted about it - on the one hand- it would make some things easier but on the other it will cost a fortune, I dont like doing it - ie I feel scared and unsafe and we wont be as healthy as a family.

Tricky.

Noqontrol · 31/05/2012 14:24

That's the thing though isn't it, unless you completely drop out of society all together then we're all dependent to some degree. From the food that is produced for you to eat, the petrol you buy, the house you live in probably built by someone else, the dependence upon on getting paid to do your job to buy the things you need that are produced by others. I don't think many of us are truly independent.

crescentmoon · 31/05/2012 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoPoldark · 31/05/2012 14:26

What you really mean is 'until you can drive and have the money to run your own car'

Like so many things, it is REALLY about having money.

You're right though, broadly speaking!

MissFaversham · 31/05/2012 14:26

It may be bonkers but I'ts my criteria until I'm too old and doddery to care Grin

Why on earth would you assume that we would both be made redundant? Even if that was so we could still afford to run a car.

pommedechocolat · 31/05/2012 14:29

My MIL proves this. Having refused steadfastly FILs pleas for her to learn to drive over the years she now finds herself in a situation where she can only see her grandchildren every 2-3 months. She could get the train but she won't do changes so wouldn't get very far.

I don't mind too much tbh but I imagine it grates that my mum does come down often as she drives herself down to visit.

knowitallstrikesagain · 31/05/2012 14:31

So it comes down to having a DP who has enough money to run a car. And plenty left over in case anything happens and income is reduced. So just a rich man then?

morethanpotatoprints · 31/05/2012 14:36

YABU. I have never driven and always been independant, not having to rely on keeping a car on the road. I walk, get public transport and at times have lived in really rural areas. I don't understand this way of thinking at all. My FIL has always asked if I miss my independance! whats that about? I could afford a car but I don't see the point in working to pay for it and the up keep when its not necessary. We do have a family car though but dh usually has this. Wait till your kids are older they are good for ferrying us parents around.

Cockwomble · 31/05/2012 14:36

I love driving and the freedom it gives me. But it has also made me lazy! I don't mind using public transport and can manage without the car if I need to.

CremeEggThief · 31/05/2012 14:39

YABU, as not all of us want to drive or feel it's the best thing.
Congratulations for passing your test, especially if it's something you always wanted to do and it took you a long time. I suspect the novelty of driving will wear off though and you will see there are as many downsides as not driving.

Kendodd · 31/05/2012 14:41

Congratulations for passing your test, it's great being able to drive, don't let them all rain on your parade.

MissFaversham · 31/05/2012 14:43

Not necessarily rich knowitall, just comfortable Grin I'm middleaged now and the thoughts of entertaning a bloke who is still trying to get somewhere doesn't cut the mustard anymore.

contemplates changing my name to Daisy

Kendodd · 31/05/2012 14:43

Also to all those celebrating public transport and walking, drivers can still use them you know.

knowitallstrikesagain · 31/05/2012 14:46

I also want a rich man. Unfortunately, DP and I were once comfortable but are not now. Times can change and it makes me a bit sad that DP might not value me as highly now as he once did simply because my income has diminished and I cannot afford to run a car.

thebody · 31/05/2012 14:49

Driving everywhere makes you idle and fat!!

Macchiato · 31/05/2012 14:50

Took my test last week and poxy well failed it, got four minors for lack of mirror checks which resulted in a serious and a fail

knowitallstrikesagain · 31/05/2012 14:50

KenDodd I agree that being able to drive is a fantastic thing. Just found it laughable that OP now considers herself independent simply because she can drive. Not true. She has to rely on her job to keep up her income to afford it, mechanics to fix it, AA (or Dad!) to tow it, council to provide somewhere to park it, etc. OK, she doesn't have to ask for lifts anymore, but people were trying to point out that she didn't have to do this in the first place, she could get where she wanted to go on her own steam. A bit too much time and effort required, perhaps?

It is great being able to drive. Bugger all use if you can't afford to buy/tax/mot/insure/run a car though.

thebody · 31/05/2012 14:51

But congrats on passing your test though.

MissFaversham · 31/05/2012 14:52

Of course we can ken we just have the choice to "prefer" not to.

As for public transport I'm not a fan at all. I would rather be stuck in traffic in my "own space" for a couple of hours.

Everytime I have ventured onto public transport one of these things have happened.

I've caught some sort of lurgie.
I've been thrown about until practically contracting whiplash (on a bus)
Some drunk has sat next to me.

I LOVE my car, just LOVE it Grin

FreudianSlipper · 31/05/2012 15:01

what utter tosh. i am very independent have been since 17, passed my test when i was 35. but then i would never ask people to drive me about or expect them too i have always just got on with it, that is what being independent is

i mananged fine, i just got a taxi or hired a man with a van if i needed too. only time i needed to ask to be picked up was from hospital after having ds, i had a csection so unable to drive (ex was working abroad)

we managed without a car for the first year too, again i never asked others and had no one to drive me about. i have certainly put on weight from walking less

i am using my car less and less as ds loves to run walk everywhere and use public transport but it does make my life is easier having a car

Hulababy · 31/05/2012 15:03

MissFaversham - what would you do if your partner could no longer drive?

Two men in their 30s who I know have had unexplained seizures in the last three or four years - both lost their license for at least a year; one has his back now.
I also know an older woman who is now epileptic and has lost her licence permantently as a result.

MissFaversham · 31/05/2012 15:18

Hula - of course I wouldn't dump him if he could no longer drive. I just wouldn't have dated him etc. if he didn't.

Blimey, some of you don't half take things literally sooo seriously sometimes.

OK will explain a bit then...

My ex didn't drive and was a floor layer FFS. Hardly worked due to not being able to transport tools/goods around.
Other ex's couldn't drive and relied on me all the time.
It wouldn't happen again.

PenelopePipPop · 31/05/2012 15:48

You aren't independent full stop. You need a car, breakdown services, petrol stations, highway maintenance, quite possibly sat nav, or at least maps.

I have epilepsy and had to give up my license a couple of years ago. Thankfully we were not car-dependent before so using public transport and walking more are easy for me. People's life circumstances vary so much that zealotry is just daft. Finances, environmental concerns, practical concerns as well as disability and so forth may make cars more or less good choices for other people.

Anyhow I've discovered another plus side, no chance of me and MissFaversham ever getting it on now. Think I'll cope...

hermioneweasley · 31/05/2012 15:52

YANBU, completely agree.