To tell DH that if he can't make the baby bottles correctly, he shouldn't do them at all?

[GnocchiNineDoors]

DD is FFd after a failed attempt at BFing. She is now 5 1/2 mo.

When we first got formula milk, I read the instructions and DH asked me to show him how to make up the bottles. So I showed him. Water to whatever number you need, then add the same number of scoops of powder. Easy.

Then I saw him making some bottles powder first, then filling to the number needed, so 4 scoops, then water to the 4oz level. I explained that he needed to add the water first, then the scoops, to make sure the mix was correct and that yes, even though we want 4oz of milk, after the pwder is added, it will be above that.

He said he did it his way as the powder stuck to the spoon when making the bottles if he did it "my way" so decided to swap it round. I said it had to be this way, it wasn't "my way" that's just how it was. He said he would do it "my way" . I did say to leave the kettle water for 20mins or so, not use water just boiled as obviously there would be less steam so less chance of powder sticking to the spoon.

Months later, I've just seen him making them up "his" way again.

Once again, I have asked him NOT to do it this way. Formula is called that as it is a formula and we needed the right powder to water ratio and again he spouted the shite about powder stuck to spoon. I said if he couldn't be bothered to make them correctly, to not make them any more. He kept saying "I don't make them your way" arg! It isn't MY way.

He really huffed and seemed to think I do it this way as I think it is easier and am just trying to get him to do what I prefer, and that doing it "his way" hadn'r caused DD any harm. I said that if he had bothered to look into these things, then he would realise that there are reasons for correct water / powder ratio and that he was welcome to look into it and see why I was getting rather irate.

Why on earth, after asking me to show him how to do it, and allready saying he wouldn't do them incorrectly last time is he still being an arse about it?

We are now doing that stupid silence thing. I am angry at him for saying he would do it right and then not and also for not understanding that I say these things to make the bottles safe for DD and I have no idea why he is angry at me....maybe he thinks I am neurotic PFB mother?

Sorry for the essay. Needed to rant.

PW: I don't see it as control of OP by DH as he is not insisting on her doing things his way. He's just making up bottles in a perfectly normal way, that makes no difference to the concentration of feed. The baby is not tiny - she will be weaned in a few weeks' time.

Why make an issue now? This is a time of change in feeding, and the end of sterilisation; a time when you can relax out of the precautions needed for a newborn. Instead, he's being told (at this late stage) to butt out. Each to their own, but I hope OP will never be moved to complain later that "DH never does anything".

Queen. I am not telling DH to butt out. I am asking him to make them correctly, and if he cannot, to leave them to me. As I have allready explained upthread, making them in the way he is does affect the concentration.

I also wouldn't complain of him never doing anything as he does more than most.

Even when DD is weaned onto solids, she still will require formula milk until 12 months.

End of sterilisation

All milk feed material should be sterilised until no longer used or out I dishwasher on hot. Milk is the perfect breeding ground for bacteria and it's virtually impossible to wash properly even with a bottle brush.

Really don't want to get into FF protocol issues but just wanted to add. We have a brother max multi scoop dispenser, it comfortably holds 8-9 scoops.

I always struggled with the conventional ones or tommee tippee ones to fit more than 6 scoops in.
HTH

How does it make no difference to the concentration of feed?
Fuecough - fab name!

I do wonder whether when she's weaned and having water too it would be less of an issue

We are doing BLW, so am of the understanding that milk will still be given alongside the sucked and spat out food aswell.

OP, my DH is exactly the same - I have to tell you it might not stop there. DH is an extremely loving hands-on dad, but... he did just this with the formula when DS was little, eye-rolly at me when I carefully explained why this was dangerous. Now DC are toddlers he's similarly eye-rolly about the importance of following the instructions when installing car seats, and about the need to actually put some blimming suncream on them in this heat. I really don't get it TBH. He'd hate any harm to come to them, so why does he put them at risk like that?

Re formula/boiling water - formula needs to be added to boiling water to kill any bacteria in the formula, but ideally not boiling water that is too hot as that kills off vitamins or summat in the formula - hence the advice to add water that's boiled but then left to cool down to an optimum temperature. I think.

Sorry to sound harsh but, while he might not want to do it "your" way, does he want his DD to potentially end up with liver problems or obesity issues?

Also, while it's not ideal, current WHO literature states that bottles can be made in advance as long as they are cooled quickly, stored in a fridge and used within 24 hours of being made up. We found it certainly made our lives much easier adhering to that particular guideline.

Well, I am feeling a bit annoyed about the fact that he seems unable to remember the simplest of things re: the baby. For instance, he asked how the car seat fitted into the car, I showed him, he did it numerous times and then once I saw him trying to put the car seat in facing forwards

I just stood and watched while he had the seatbelt in his hands looking at the seat as if to say "what's wrong with this picture".

I'm guessing you probably already have but, just in case - ask him what it would take for him to be able to remember safety precautions?

Put scoops of powder in all but 1 empty sterile bottles.
Use last bottle to measure out hot water and pour into other bottles.
Use scoop to add powder to last bottle (the one you've been using for measuring).

We have an Avent powder dispenser, holds 8 scoops of C&G happily.

Moonlight he said to me that he had chosen not to do it "my way" not that he forgot I had asked him to.

What is the scientific rationale he has for doing it his way? If he can't prove it's better he needs to do it the manufacturer's way.

FloggingMolly - I think there may have been, but I may have, erm, ignored/forgotten that, as DS3 was BF till he was over 12mo, and is only still using 'formula' (Nutramigen 2) due to a severe CMP allergy. (Cows Milk Protein).

That and the fact that he is DC4, and the others are all much older, 14yo, 10yo and 8yo - and back then we were told to make the WHOLE DAY'S feeds up, with powder and all, from COOLED boiled water, and keep the whole lot in the fridge for 24 hrs. .

As they are all still alive, I may have conveniently forgotten about the powder needing to be made with hot water as he wasn't a tiny baby when he went onto powder 'milk', but I would probably have paid attention if he WAS under 1yo.

At least I paid attention to the not making 24 hours' worth up at one go - which was a sea change for me TBH!

It's so hard when the advice changes from one DC to the next just because there's a 7yr age gap!!

Frakiosaurus the one and only reason he could give is how it annoys him that the powder clags up on the spoon. I felt like shouting at that point. What the hell is a bit of claggy powder when the reasoning is to be the safest possible for DD. I also said if he let the water cool for 20 mins the powder wouldn't clag. he said "prove it". So I did.

And he's still walking and talking (although not to you) after 'choosing' rather than forgetting not to do it correctly? Goodness.

Do you think he would manage BikeRunSki's method?

Mountain, meet molehill.

The difference in concentration will be pretty minimal tbh. Not worth the argument.

But then I'm a control freak as well, so I know how you feel, however ridiculous it is in the grand scheme of things.

You need to let it all go, and let him work it out for himself. He's a fully grown adult with no learning disabilities. Go away for the weekend and let him get on with it and bond properly.

I mean, you go away on you're own, and leave him with his child, btw. Not you all go.

madwoman if it's only a 'once in a blue moon' type bottle then yes, but the problem is these things are cumulative.

And if this fecking iPad autocorrects your to you're again, I will launch it. Told you I was a control freak.

Yeah, but don't be telling me a dh with a wife like me like the op is making up all the bottles. Ain't gonna believe it.

madwoman maybe that is why im so cross though. He does baby stuff. He bathes her every night, feeds her her bedtime bottle, gets up with her on fri and sat nights, takes her out to the shops on a saturday morning so I get a cheeky lie in. This is why, when I origionally asked him to do the bottles the correct way, I assumed he would. Then, tonight, I see that he isn't and may well have never done them the correct way, even with my asking.

He probably makes up a third of DDs bottles.

I eneded the conversation tonight with "the ratio of powder to water needs to be correct as there are ingredients in there which, if not eneough water is used, will be too strong for her liver and kidneys. So while she may well look fine on the outside, I like to make them correctly to make sure she is fine on the inside too"

No but, if she goes away for the week-end, he will be.