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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly Blush

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:
Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:28

The reason the majority of ppl think it looks better though is patriarchical social conditioning, it pleases the sexual desires of men at the women's expense. It has been so normalised now it's hard to know your honest opinion on if you think it looks better. It's sad as it women feel even more self conscious about their bodies. Again it's women changing their bodies for men, like corsets, foot binding, plastic surgery, makeup etc.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:31

The reason the majority of ppl think it looks better though is patriarchical social conditioning, it pleases the sexual desires of men at the women's expense. It has been so normalised now it's hard to know your honest opinion on if you think it looks better. It's sad as it women feel even more self conscious about their bodies. Again it's women changing their bodies for men, like corsets, foot binding, plastic surgery, makeup etc

It think this post is missing phrases such as "I think" and "In my opinion"

You seem to be posting these things as 'facts' to people who actually know different.

Or do you know more about me and my fanny than I do?

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:31

If we were consciously aware of social condition worra it wouldn't work, it slowly works at ppl, like group think. you may not think you are part of it but you are part of society so you are.

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 22:31

vomits on thread

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:33

Krumbum seriously, you sound like there's some sort of conspiracy theory going on to rid all women of pubes Grin

I feel more comfy without them so I remove them

That's the start and finish of it for me.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 22:33

Why is it at my expense if I enjoy it?!?!?!

Just like sometimes I wear make up and sometimes I don't. but I often I like the look of the me with make up more, not cos I'm pleasing someone else, but because I'm pleasing myself.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 22:33

I find it unbelievable that people think they aren't socially pressured into things.

Why not run about naked then? Or paint lipstick on your eyelids? Or go out with a bird on your head?

Why not wear a wedding dress to a dinner party? Or a bikini on the high street?

ALL of us follow social rules, if you don't think you do, you are deluded.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 22:34

What worral says.

You don't know more about me, my fanny and my experience of sex than I do

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:38

yellowraincoat

People are free to do those things if they actually want to

Just as we're all free to do what we see fit with out own bodies, without someone making wild assumptions about it.

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:38

If more women were aware of patriarchy and how it really affects us then maybe things could really change. Its ludicrous how blinkered ppl want to be. Sexism is cumulative, the more women do to please male sexuality the more it disempowers us, and this gets much more serious than ripping hair out of our vulvas.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 22:41

I'm not saying you're not free to do what you want to do, WorraLiberty.

I'm saying that you don't do it because there's no social norm to do those things.

I have shaved in the past, still do my legs and sometimes pits, so no wild assumptions here. I'm not so blind as to think I shave my legs solely because of some personal preference.

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:42

Why is it that nearly all men don't wax or shave heir pubic hair? Is it that men like to be uncomfortable and smelly? Why just women?

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 22:42

So I shouldn't do things I enjoy sexually if it pleases male sexuality because it disempowers me? Sounds pretty disempowering to me, being told I shouldn't do something I enjoy.

Good grief what on earth would you make of me saying I like a man clean shaven or with a tidy beard..... That's not how nature intended either!!!

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:44

I tell you what's ludicrous imo

People who read a few feminism books and then start making sweeping assumptions about other women's motives for pleasing themselves and making their own choices about their own bodies.

I think this sort of madness needs to calm down.

Women and men are perfectly capable of making choices that suit them...even if that doesn't suit other people's perception of how they think other people should be.

I find it arrogant in the extreme when people are openly posting about why they choose to do something, only to be told they're wrong about themselves and they're doing it to appease men.

Maybe some people do, but there are plenty of other strong women who know their own minds and their own bodies.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 22:44

Who said that LunarRose? Who said that you shouldn't do stuff you enjoy? Nobody.

Likewise, who said you couldn't have preferences?

I do think it's a bit weird to have pubic hair preferences though. Face is a bit different - it's how you differentiate people, you find some faces more attractive than others. I can't imagine caring that much about my partner's genitalia. Balls are balls and fannies are fannies, they're all a bit funny-looking at the end of the day, however you groom them.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:45

Many many men (particularly under the age of 30) shave and wax their bodies Confused

Honestly, this thread is like living in the 1950s Grin

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:46

Your not questioning why you enjoy it, you don't think it could be anything to do with being told that what's sexy on a woman? Having a beard is not seen as dirty or unclean or unsexy on a man, there is no taboo surrounding facial hair so not a comparison.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 22:47

Again, WorraLiberty, you're saying that people are telling you you're doing it to appease men and NO-ONE HAS SAID THAT.

I shave my legs. I like how it feels and how it looks sure. But the practice isn't rooted solely in my preference. I also wouldn't feel comfortable wearing a skirt with hairy legs. It is not deemed normal in our society. And THAT is where the problem lies. That it is NOT A CHOICE. You'd have to be more prepared to put up with stares and comments than I am to not shave your legs.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 22:51

So preferences based on appearence are fine if their are a woman's preference of a mans face (beard/no beard) but not a man's preference of a woman's fanjo?

So a man shaving a beard because he knows his lady likes it better is ok but a woman removing hair from her fanjo is wrong and disempowering.

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:52

In the 50's shaving wasnt compulsory. It's important we question things ffs! Women are still oppressed and this is OBVIOUSLY part of it! Don't be patronising worra, maybe you could with reading some books on feminism it might make you see the world more clearly and some on psychology too.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:53

Yellow Krumbum has said that...yes.

"Sexism is cumulative, the more women do to please male sexuality the more it disempowers us, and this gets much more serious than ripping hair out of our vulvas"

Anyway, is it ok with you feminists if I leave this thread? Grin

I mean, I'd hate to make a decision for myself and choose to do as I please incase you think it's part of some sort of conspiracy.

There might be a big bad man telling me I have to post on a different one now Shock Grin

All joking aside though...women (thankfully) are free to make choices for themselves and as much as some will remove their hair because of porn etc...that doesn't mean you should make sweeping generalisations and assume all women have been conditioned in some way.

Some (like me) just really are more comfy without it...same as I'm more comfy with smooth legs and arm pits.

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:53

Lunar we are taking about the political not he personal. There is pressure on women to be hairless but men have the freedom to be either without fearing judgment.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 22:54

I'm not sure that's what I said so it's a bit hard for me to argue.

If my partner chose to have a beard, I wouldn't find him as attractive, but it's his choice. If he chose to shave his balls, I couldn't care less, because his balls look much the same as any other balls.

dondon33 · 27/05/2012 22:55

YANBU- if its sore..it's sore and if it's your foof your talking about then you don't want his bush rubbing on it...ouch!!!

Personally I hate any more than minimal hair in my lady garden...first I take off with a trimmer then shave in the direction of growth and every day I exfoliate the area with a scratchy/scrubby thing or my exfoliater mitt, it works brilliantly. Also keep an eye while its growing for any of the hairs starting to grow in and you can catch them with tweezers.

valiumredhead · 27/05/2012 22:55

Won't be posting on these sort of threads again - just got a very odd PM from someone who I note hasn't actually contributed to this thread at all Hmm