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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly Blush

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:
Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:56

Women don't have free choice worra, a quarter of women in the uk are raped very year, men who see women as objects, sexual porn like objects. They pressure us to look the way they deem sexy and then rape us.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:58

In the 50's shaving wasnt compulsory. It's important we question things ffs! Women are still oppressed and this is OBVIOUSLY part of it! Don't be patronising worra, maybe you could with reading some books on feminism it might make you see the world more clearly and some on psychology too

I'm sorry Krumbum by my stance on this is very much 'each to their own'...do what you want with your own body and do not be pressured by anyone...either men or women into doing anything else.

I have to say your stance is definitely the more patronising one since you have done little else other than persuade people they shouldn't be making the choices they are...or that if they are making them, you know more than they do about why they made those choices.

That is patronising. Just because people choose to do with themselves something that you don't approve of, it doesn't give you the right to tell them they're doing it because of the 'world we live in'.

Shakey1500 · 27/05/2012 22:59

I second what Worra said at 22.44

PLEASE don't tell me what I (as an individual that chooses to de-fuzz) should be questioning or considering.

Shakey1500 · 27/05/2012 23:00

"They pressure us to look sexy and then rape us"

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 23:01

Women don't have free choice worra, a quarter of women in the uk are raped very year, men who see women as objects, sexual porn like objects. They pressure us to look the way they deem sexy and then rape us.

Oh for goodness sake there you go again...

I'm sure you mean SOME women don't have free choice etc..... Hmm

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 23:01

But Worra, you ARE pressured. How can you not see that? Do you really think that from absolutely nowhere, you just happened to have the idea to shave your legs and muff and pits, yet leave the hair on your head? And that the vast majority of women have exactly the same experience?

Do you not think that adverts which equate smooth with good have any influence? Obviously advertising works or it wouldn't exist.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 23:03

I can be either without fear of judgement, I just don't care about the judgement. In fact I have been swimming with hairy legs..... but it's my choice that's empowering

"if my partner chose to have a beard, I wouldn't find him as attractive"
A judgement on facial hair no less!!! dare I also say a touch of hypocrisy. It's ok to say that about a mans facial hair but I dread to think what you would say about a man who made that comment about a woman's fanjo....

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 23:03

I'm not telling people not to do it, I'm asking if people have wondered WHY they do it. Why don't men? Nobody answered that. Why do so many women remove hair that don't conveniently find it more comfortable. I think it's important not to blindly do things without looking at the reasons for it and its consequences.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 23:05

No yellow I'm not pressured.

I'm going to type this verrrrry slowly Grin

I. feel. more. comfortable. myself. with. no. fanny. hair. no. pressure. from. anyone.

I'm 43yrs old for goodness sake. I decide about 6 or 7yrs ago that this was more comfy...that's it.

No conspiracy stories or anything...boring I know.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 23:06

It's not a judgement at all. How is it a judgement to say I wouldn't find him as attractive? I don't find Benedict Cumberbatch attractive, but that's hardly a judgement. Judgement is "Benedict Cumberbatch is disgusting and ugly and should consider massive plastic surgery before he leaves the house."

Also, trying to extrapolate what I might say about a man who says something about a hairy fanny from my comments about a beard is something of a logical fallacy. My partner prefers trimmed fannies and smooth legs. We discuss it. I don't bite his head off, it's his preference. He's free to voice it.

So your argument doesn't really hold much water.

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 23:07

We've had a similar argument before worra lol. I don't understand how you can not think we are socially conditioned, when there is so much evidence! What about alll of yellowraincoats examples? Do you just ignore them?

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 23:07

PS a man's gentials are as individual as their faces.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 23:08

I'm not telling people not to do it, I'm asking if people have wondered WHY they do it. Why don't men? Nobody answered that

Then you're not reading the replies are you?

I wonder why I do it = I feel more comfortable and sensitive

Why don't men? = Many many men (especially under the age of 30 do)

Think athletes, wrestlers, male models...the like of David Beckham et al...

Male grooming is big business!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 27/05/2012 23:08

I think you will have to accept the fact that some ladies genuinely prefer to have a bit less hair downstairs. The reasons people shave their fanjo are many.

I hardly ever bother and my dp couldn't give a rats ass. But when it gets hot, I lop a bit off.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 23:08

Worra, you don't exist in a vacuum. Whether or not you find it more comfortable is by the by. No-one here is telling you what to do with your fanny. Bleach it, shave it all off or hang streamers from it, I seriously don't care.

What I am saying is that everyone does everything they do because of the society they live in. That's not a conspiracy, it's just completely obvious.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 23:09

No one is arguing otherwise, WhosPickle.

Maybe you could read the posts instead of just blindly mashing away at your keyboard.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 27/05/2012 23:09

Hair removal is pretty unisex nowadays. Many men chose to shave their bits, and chests, and backs.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 23:10

"A man's genitals are as individual as his face" would be a great advertising slogan.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 27/05/2012 23:10

Oh sorry about blindingly mashing my keyboard. I'll say what I like thanks!

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 23:11

No-one goes "EUGH look at that man's DISGUSTING hairy PITS" if he doesn't though, do they?

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 23:11

Krumbum I think we have had similar arguments yes Grin

Anyway, I think I'm going to bow out of this now because I really am just repeating myself.

I feel more comfy and sensitive with less pubic hair.

It's my choice and as a strong woman I will continue to make that choice without anyone telling me/assuming they know the reasons for my choice when they clearly don't.

That's it really Grin

I can't believe I've typed this many words on a public forum about my little trusty fanjo...it'll be signing autographs in the morning and being all diva like Blush

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 23:12

Athletes do it for a specific purpose. There is no taboo surrounding pubic hair on men. I'm under thirty, most men gots pubes, women are hair free. Men who have pubes are not seen as unclean, dirty. Mens underwear does not in the majority mean pubes must be removed in order for them not to be visible, men are not encouraged to wear skimpy, crotch baring swim wear.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 23:17

My point is man are socially conditioned to shave (a none natural state). Women do express preferences for facial hair/no facial hair. Some men will be clean shaven some will have a beard and some will trim. Many will do this based on a combination of their and their partners preference. No one will claim that this is disempowering men.

An yet if all the same is applied to the woman's fanjo, it's disempowering to women.

Just because I suggest facial hair preference to man man doesn't mean that I's applying pressure on him to look the way they deem sexy and then rape him. It's insulting to men to assume the reverse.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 23:20

There's a bit of a massive difference between choosing/not choosing a beard and being told that having hairy legs are disgusting.

How many beards have you seen recently? I've seen plenty (but then I live in the groovy east end, so maybe it's more of a thing here.) How many hairy legs? Because I've seen not a one.

That is what is disempowering. The lack of choice.

nothingsoextraordinary · 27/05/2012 23:24

i have the answer. it's sold in boots and smells like nail varnish remover. forget the name...