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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly Blush

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:
Gincognito · 27/05/2012 21:33

Tend skin, definitely.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/05/2012 21:39

It is all very simple:

Obviously, the ancient Egyptians have bugger all to do with it.
Obviously, it is not ideally hygenic to remove hair - though some still prefer to do so.
Obviously, if you remove hair because it's the only way you can feel 'clean', you have issues.

What else do I need to say?

It is fine if, knowing that hair removal is a choice, you still make that choice. We all make choices. It is just rather silly to pretend this choice has some kind of sanction from history.

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 21:43

again, sigh

Using your numbering:

a. I was asking you a question when I said would my having a Brazilian be abnormal to demonstrate what is 'normal' or 'conforming' for one, isn't necessarily for another

b. to quote you at 21:06 - "It would be so uncomfortable for me to be in that situation" which I assume was in reference to discussing your pube preferences amongst friends. I took this to mean that you would therefore feel exposed discussing this, and therefore felt a bit insecure, as if you weren't you prob wouldn't mind discussing with friends ( see definition here if you want to split hairs ) - this was an assumption though so my bad if I am jumping the gun and you are happy to discuss openly (though doesn't sound like it from your party example where you got defensive pretty quickly)

c. See a above.

Look - I don't care if you have hairy armpits or don't want to wax your bits. Noted you might think me weird for discussing pubes with my mates. Why don't we leave it at that.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 21:49

It would be uncomfortable for me to be sitting there while a load of people say they think it's weird to not wax your pubes, yes. That has nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with finding it hard to not lose my rag when people are rude and judgemental. I'd probably also find it a bit uncomfortable as I find any discussions about grooming pretty dull. I take care of myself, I don't need to discuss it, I find that to be the norm in most circles of people.

I don't really understand your other points because I haven't said anywhere that waxing is abnormal or that I give a fuck what you do with your fanny.

Also, I didn't say I find it weird that you discuss your pubes with your friends. I find it weird that you are all so eager to call it odd when you find someone doesn't do it.

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 21:52

loses will to live

Ok.

Whatever you like.

Whatmeworry · 27/05/2012 21:55

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal

I think its a generation thing, lots of British women have hair but they are over c 30 yo, shaveing is a modern fashion. I'm sure it will come and go.

But suffering for fashion reminds me of whelebone corsets and bound feet somehow....

Debeezandbirds · 27/05/2012 21:56

Obviously, the ancient Egyptians have bugger all to do with it. Yes it did but in relevance to another posters comment that hair removal was a completely new phenomenon

Obviously, it is not ideally hygenic to remove hair - though some still prefer to do so. I do not see how having hair for sweat and menstrual blood to cling to rather than straight to a pad or cottons is more hygienic even for a few hours between changes or baths

Obviously, if you remove hair because it's the only way you can feel 'clean', you have issues. I do not have to remove my hair,I choose to do it. Sometime I have a laugh with it and dye it. Pubes are obviously an issue for you more than me

You'd be great in those other cultures you were so against. I can easily see you telling women "You're dirty, you're wrong, you have issues as you did something to your own body that affected no one else." Your name is a joke.

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 21:59

You will be much less itchy leaving it to grow than shaving it all the time, you are just continually irritating it. We are meant to have pubic hair!

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:00

We could all use this handy little fellow

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:02

Krumbum We're meant to have all sorts of other hair too.

Leg hair
Arm pit hair
Moustaches
Beards
Bushy eyebrows

I'd really rather carry on removing stray hairs from my chin, top lip and eyebrows...and I'm never leaving the house with hairy pits or legs Grin

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 22:06

Debeez pubes are there for the same reason as eyelashes, eyebrows and nostril hair. It is to create a soft barrier to protect very tender tissue from injury and to trap germs, bacteria and foreign bodies from entering the soft tissue and causing infections. It may seem weird, but you are actually more susceptible to infection or issues related to poor hygiene without pubes than with them.

They also release natural oils that contain pheromones - sex hormones.

The only hygiene benefit to not having them is that you can't get crabs. Grin

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:07

Yes but shaving is causing the op actual discomfort and pain worra, is looking 'sexy' worth that?

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 22:08

Oops sorry I thought you said 'obviously it is ideally hygienic to remove hair'

sorry for lecture.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:09

I see. I didn't realise the OP was doing it to 'look sexy'

I know there are many reasons people have an 'all off'.

For me, it's because it feels comfortable and heightens my senses.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/05/2012 22:12

I don't think you are dirty. I think it is incorrect/rude to pretend removing hair is 'cleaner'.

What have I said to offend you so much?

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:12

Would you really never leave the house not having shaved? Do u shave everyday? That must take up a lotta time! It would be amazing if all women could feel confident enough not to have to rip out their body hair. But it's very hard when we are consistently reassured that the natural female body is disgusting.

Krumbum · 27/05/2012 22:17

You know your clitoris does not have hair on it, so no difference sexually. And it's more comfortable to scrape your skin with a razor than have pubes? The problem isn't the women who do it, the problem is social pressure that tells us hairlessness is the only way a woman's vagina can be sexy.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 27/05/2012 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 22:21

When did I say it was to look sexy? It looks BETTER in my opinion and feels BETTER.

OP posts:
MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 27/05/2012 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:24

Would you really never leave the house not having shaved? Do u shave everyday? That must take up a lotta time!

No, I shave my legs and pits once a week and put Veet cream on my fanjo about every 10 days.

Takes no time at all Grin

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/05/2012 22:25

I take your point, Warren, but TBH it makes me a bit 'eww' at the idea it's better to smear all the swear etc onto freshly shave d (ie., broken) skin.

I doubt it is an issue that ever comes up, so why make out it comes up for those of us who don't shave?

My feeling is, if you are capable of keeping a basic standard of cleanness, you have nothing to worry about - you will wash yourself whether you are hairy or not.

If you reckoned your hair got nasty and infected, and that is the rationale for shaving .. sorry, but shaving alone will not solve the problem! You'd need to reasses the whole issue of washing. Imo.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 22:26

Krumbum - my body is not disgusting with hair or without it!!!

Also thank you for assuming that you can know my sexual experience better than I do. actually do very much like the feeling of it naked (and with there is a very littlebit of hair grown back (which feels different again) I could go more into the biology but i would fear that would be TMI.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/05/2012 22:26

Btw cross-posted with yours of 22:31, warren.

WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:27

You know your clitoris does not have hair on it, so no difference sexually. And it's more comfortable to scrape your skin with a razor than have pubes? The problem isn't the women who do it, the problem is social pressure that tells us hairlessness is the only way a woman's vagina can be sexy

Errr yes, I'm quite aware of what my own clitoris is like Krumbum lol

And yes, I feel quite a bit of difference sexually because as I said, it's more sensitive down there.

I don't scrape it with a razor...I'm not a masochist!

And no-one has ever socially pressured me into anything...especially at the grand old age of 43. I stopped listening to what other people do or caring about it many many moons ago.