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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly Blush

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:
citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:43

HA at eighties kitchen Grin

I have thought about layering but kept wondering whether as an 80yr old I would prefer a bit of coverage in my dotage...

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 27/05/2012 20:45

I'm actually really tempted by that pube dye ... that would work on my pits too, right?

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:47

I am so not defensive.. Grin - sorry if it seemed that way, sometimes hard to get tone in posts!

Can totally understand that someone might think it odd that friends discuss pubic hair trends. That's fine of course - I don't presume people have the same relationship with their friends that I do.

However, as you are discussing it with a BUNCH OF TOTAL STRANGERS, not sure where you are going with that line oF thought Wink

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:47

Lesering not LAYERING (which would actually be hilarious)

Moominsarescary · 27/05/2012 20:48

city we had the same type of conversation with some friends last week

MushroomSoup · 27/05/2012 20:48

I lost ALL my hair through chemo - loved not shaving my legs and didn't mind being bald but I wasn't keen on a hairless fanjo!
Much prefer my own little styled and coiffed triangle Grin

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:48

FFS Clearly cannot type on iPad

gets coat

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:50

Moomins -Not just me then... I didn't think it was such a weird topic to talk to friends about!

Moominsarescary · 27/05/2012 20:56

No, we talk about all sorts.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 21:06

It's a bit odd to discuss individual's pubic hair and say it's not normal. It would be so uncomfortable for me to be in that situation. It's like everyone is going along with the pube-shaving trend and anyone who isn't would have been excluded from the conversation or felt a bit odd. It just seems like you're reinforcing these social norms that exist for whatever reason.

Of course I discuss these things with my friends, but not on the level of "what do you do with yours", I just couldn't care less. I certainly don't need their husband's sniffy disapproval that my pubes aren't up to his standard.

Last week, a man I didn't know at a party said he thought women who didn't shave their pits were "disgusting". I flashed my utterly disgusting pit at him and asked him if he found me disgusting. Obviously he said nothing.

Why should people feel this pressure? If you want to do it, fine, but why act like it's abnormal not to?

growingbytheday · 27/05/2012 21:09

i am 58 (noooooooooooo) and have been mowing my lawn for over forty years, mainly because the hair on my fanjo was very like the hair on my head- long, curly and red!

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 21:11

we don't live in a day were its taboo to discuss these things. Bras were burned for a reason* I discuss all sorts.

In all fairness to that man, I'm a woman and I think 'eurgh' when I see a woman with hairy pits. It's just not right to me. That's not saying its wrong though.

*although since read this didn't actually happen, it was more of a metaphor? Beas me.

OP posts:
oiwheresthecoffee · 27/05/2012 21:13

I do get the porn link - and i say that as someone who has a teeny line and is very aware men my age expect pretty much nothing down there.
I do think a lot of people have been conditioned to thin hairless or near to it is the norm and is more or less expected, i mean every salon offers it now, boots sell special bikinki razors that are smaller..
Im a feminist and i understand all of this and the porn link and yet still prefer it shaven , even if its just for myself.

Moominsarescary · 27/05/2012 21:14

yellow city said her friend who leaves it natural thinks taking it off is repugnant

So it's not just those who take it all off doing the judging

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 21:14

Obviously, it's not "wrong". "wrong" is stuff like killing people, nicking stuff or being violent. Having a bit of fluff in your pit is not hurting a single person.

I don't care if people think it's disgusting. As long as they don't tell me, since it's entirely none of their business and I don't need to try to explain myself.

I'm a size 6, should I go around telling size 12 people I find them disgusting? Or people who don't dye their hair?

No, it's not taboo to discuss these things. It SHOULD be taboo to judge people on their personal choices though.

Debeezandbirds · 27/05/2012 21:14

"What I don't really get is why you seem to think I should either ignore your post or pretend I agree with you? Why bother commenting if you can't cope with a response?"

I don't get why you didn't ignore the whole thread.

I can cope with a response, so far I've found you to avoid actually responding to other's posts and simply spewing your opinion here.

a) seen as something that happens on joke TV, not in reality?
When OP's post shows this isn't the case as do the original responses to that post.

b)my basic belief is, if you cannot maintain health and cleanness with a full bush, you need to see a doctor and/or a nurse who will teach you how to wash.
Suggesting those who shave need medical advice on how to wash.

c)But these same countries have - like many places in the world - curtailed women's rights horribly.
Good point but you seem to advocate the same method of bullying women through implying they are dirty to take charge of their own bodies.

You have not responded to my points.

a) Some of those cultures have a habit of telling women what they choose to with their own bodies is wrong or perverted. Rings a few bells here.
You mimicked the very behavior you claim to condemn. I pointed this out, you ignored

b) Sweat clings to hair, no hair and a nice pair of breathable cottons goes a long way. Maybe I'm a sweaty betty but I can't help that.
Actual reasoning as to why I find it more hygienic. Ignored

Finally you did respond to this point

c) Having more than one method to keep clean doesn't mean I am not capable of using soap.
By again suggesting I am unclean

So really you do ignore my posts. You respond to my opinion, but not based on my reasoning, as that's not relevant to your point.

I've shown respect towards your views "If you're clean, tidy and happy you won't get a second glance from me. But I'd expect the same courtesy and lack of judgy-pants from you."

You have done noting but belittle my preferences comparing my grooming habits akin to hitting myself with a hammer.

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 21:15

I don't know where you think I said it was just the hair removers who were judgy, Moomins.

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 21:22

sigh

Why are you making it so complicated?

It was a group of friends talking about pubic hair trends. It was, as I recall, the girl who doesn't wax who offered this information up first (in a 'well I never would I think it's weird and so couldn't be arsed' type way) Then the rest of us got talking etc.

This friend could not give a toss what anyone thinks of her pube upkeep preferences - and why should she. Please do not presume everyone else has your own insecurities.

It is normal for me to have a Brazilian - are you saying my choice is abnormal?..

If you want to have hairy armpits, knock yourself out. There is no need however to judge someone for NOT having hairy armpits / ladygarden / face / hands etc etc if that is their choice, and don't assume they make that choice because they feel pressured. Not everyone who doesn't wax / shave whatever feels this pressure you talk about (eg my friend - she doesn't wax her fanjo, and doesn't feel pressured to).

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 21:23

Soooo... About this ingrown hair...

OP posts:
Debeezandbirds · 27/05/2012 21:25

Surely it's all grown back to full bush by now WhiteWidow .

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 21:25

Where did I say that a. I was judging anyone about their hair choices - upthread I made it clear I don't give a toss b. that I was insecure - I'm not, I just hate thinking that others feel this pressure to be a certain way and c. that your Brazilian is abnormal?

If you look at my posts, you'll find no evidence of any of those things, so stop throwing up strawmen, it makes you look a bit silly.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 21:25

Actually I wonder if hair removal preference has any relation to whether you have thick hair.

I have very think brown hair, I will most likely never choose to have long hair on my head as it a hot and gets in the way. I have a nice short bob.

I suppose its the same for my fanjo

2rebecca · 27/05/2012 21:27

I can't shave my bikini line because of this, and immac sometimes has the same effect. Glad my bloke likes hairy women, although I suspect if he didn't he wouldn't be my bloke.

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 21:28

I'm actually looking up lazer removal treatments as we speak! £135... Seems cheap? I pay seven quid for my razors so I think this would be a valid investment... Saving money AND a smooth fanny. WIN.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 27/05/2012 21:29

Laser treatment needs repeating, and it only works on certain hair colours.

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