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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly Blush

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 28/05/2012 23:40

Right so all men who watch porn are sexually attracted to children? That's why the porn industry decided to wax.

Do you think maybe they do it so those watching porn get a better view without hair in the way

Rhianna1980 · 28/05/2012 23:47

Back to the OP's question:( Hair or no hair , itchy skin or irritated after shaved skin) I'm sure he'd appreciate your lovely hands on his bits .

Now everybody else go to bed and put your shaven haven or semi trimmed or aux naturelle fanjos away xxxx GrinGrin

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 28/05/2012 23:47

I don't know what point she is trying to make now. It's pointless trying to have a discussion with someone who tells you what you think.

NurseBernard · 29/05/2012 00:53

Eek Math, I really think it's because the hair obstructs the view. And the view is, after all, what it's all about.

mathanxiety · 29/05/2012 04:17

'So it all stems from paedophilia?'

Yes, it all springs from paedophilia. Adults are not supposed to look like pre-pubescent children.

'Right so all men who watch porn are sexually attracted to children? That's why the porn industry decided to wax.'
It is very possible, but that is not what I said or implied.

As to getting a better view -- you are not serious, are you? What you are getting a better view of is a penis penetrating a body that might as well be that of a child...

Rhianna1980 · 29/05/2012 06:21

Math, you said adults aren't supposed to look like kids so why does anyone shave at all ? Why do women shave their legs and pits ?Do their Eyebrows? to look like kids?!!!

Why do men shave their beards? To look like kids ?!!

I think it's a sweeping generalisation you are doing there....

Moominsarescary · 29/05/2012 06:55

Of course it's what you implied.

As another poster has already said, I'm glad I'm not in your head.

Mittzopachycephalosaurus · 29/05/2012 07:19

I think most of these questions have to be turned round from a Gender point of view, because there are certain intimate things that I like to do that whilst it is entirely the individual in questions choice,... I would be happier if the gentleman was 'shaved'.
So how does the social conditioning apply to men's choices about bodily hair and do the same dubious angles to wanting the individual to appear child-like apply to me?

I have a particular leaning towards men of my own age (43) and don't share many women's appreciation of 'young men'. So I am not interested in youth. But a hairless testicle does indeed give me a certain frisson....

HmmGrinBlushConfused

Toast and Tea anyone?

WhiteWidow · 29/05/2012 07:52

Yes we did have sex ha.

Math you have a disturbed mind if you truly believe that. You should keep sick comments like that to yourself.
Do you shave your legs and armpits by the way?

OP posts:
pictish · 29/05/2012 08:02

I have never shaved my pubes off either!
Why would I? Because the twats on Made In Chelsea do? Because it's fashionable?

Most ridiculous expectation yet - grown women have pubic hair.
As if we don't have enough to do already. FFS.

DinahMoHum · 29/05/2012 08:09

there are lots of cultural reasons for shaving body hair too. I dont suppose the fact shaving of pubic hair and armpit hair is required in Islam - I wouldnt have thought that stems from internet porn.

if dp had hair all over his cock, i certainly would want him to shave before sucking it, so im not surprised that he prefers it that i at least keep the undercarriage bit smooth. I wouldnt want to lick a brillo pad

Mittzopachycephalosaurus · 29/05/2012 08:17

Quite Dinah, quite Grin

And personal choice is key isn't it?

Of course your choice is valid and important Pictish. But so is my choice when I get up one morning and decide to do some personal topiary. Which as I have stated is purely personal because I don't have a partner. I am an intelligent, articulate woman who makes a decision over my body and no one has the right to judge.

And whether anyone likes it or not. Sometimes women do make bad choices simply because they entitled to. We are not infallible. And it is not always a result of patriarchal conditioning. It's because we are human.

Moominsarescary · 29/05/2012 08:23

I find gagging on stray hairs or picking them out my mouth ( or dp doing the same) off putting.

MrGin · 29/05/2012 09:30

Given that most of the men in porn are shaved too it's odd that the emphasis from certain quarters is on the menz loving the pre-pubescent look. Unless you're actively looking to find misogyny absolutely everywhere.

Go back to the 70's and everybody was as hairy as you like, and then some more. Add in a healthy dose of females being more assertive about sex being less about just the bloke and more about each other, perhaps more oral sex, more clitoral stimulation ( and knowing where it is ) , add in modern grooming obsessions and viola ! less hair.

It's nobodies business what anyone does to their bodies of their own free will.

( although I blame the aliens and the CIA . It's a conspiracy I tells ya ! dons silver foil hat )

Emphaticmaybe · 29/05/2012 09:33

Regarding the porn issue I think the trend of hair removal, while having different connotations for some, was primarily to allow better viewing of the actual acts - just the next step in an industry that is required to go further and further.

On the issue of societal conditioning I think we are very much subject to it and I say this as a woman who does wear make-up and shaves her armpits.

My biggest concern though is, as it gradually becomes the culturally accepted norm to shave off pubes, there is the awful period for young teenagers when they really shouldn't have to be worrying about the faff of shaving their bits but are feeling pressurised by a generation of young men already very influenced by the images of hairless women in internet porn, to shave. This can be long before boyfriends and just down to jokes in the classroom or rumours from the changing rooms regarding their own bodies.

If as an adult women you feel you are making a choice it can feel empowering, but then again lots of pole-dancers will tell you the same about their choices and I would say must of us don't believe they are making their choices in a vacuum.

The bottom line is, do our 'choices' mean we are making it difficult, especially for the young, to choose not to shave. If we create an environment where words like 'unclean' and 'unhygienic' are regularly associated with full pubic hair, shaving becomes something that women no longer feel they have a real choice about. Also we pass this message back to our male partners and they are then likely to see those who don't shave as 'dirty'.

I hope women continue to feel like they have a choice as I really don't want it to be just another thing for my 3 daughters to worry and feel bad about, as they reach puberty. So in this sense it does matter what our motivations are. This choice ( the act of removing hair) could actually reduce the choices of others if we attach words like cleanliness and hygiene to it.

RidingHood · 29/05/2012 09:38

I couldn't bear to have hair there, I shave twice a week. But it needs to be a good razor, not a disposable one. Try a Venus or a Quattro. And make sure the blade is sharp.

Having said that, shaving your nether regions is your choice, don't be forced into it. But don't expect oral if it's like a jungle down there!

valiumredhead · 29/05/2012 09:42

But don't expect oral if it's like a jungle down there!

Good grief!

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 29/05/2012 09:44

But don't expect oral if it's like a jungle down there!

I do. Never been disappointed either Smile

RidingHood · 29/05/2012 09:47

I wouldn't want a mouthful of hair if I was giving oral. There's nothing worse.

I shave because I like the smoothness and hair free feeling of my fanjo, my partner likes it to. I respect him enough to not want him to get a load of hair in his mouth when he goes down there.

HillyWallaby · 29/05/2012 09:49

My only concern is this: There is a definite pattern of women doing it as part of a regular grooming routine when they are young/single/childless/very sexually active (all or any of those things) and many (even the quite young women on this thread) do seem to stop, or ease up at least temporarily while their priorities lie with a busy family life rather than their sex life and their personal appearance.

This is demonstrated again and again in the Fanjo Hair Survey 2012. Grin

Whilst this may be a relatively recent fashion/phenomenon it is clearly quite time consuming, labour intensive, and possibly expensive to keep up on a long term basis, so is it going to become yet another thing to add to the list of things women stop doing when they 'let themselves go' after marriage and children?

It used to just be your weight and the hair on your head, and whether or not you bothered to put on lipstick before you went out. Now it seems it's the state of your pubes as well.

BertieBotts · 29/05/2012 09:51

XP refused to give oral if it was hairy, mainly cos he was a dick.

DP doesn't care Grin

There is no hair on the clitoris. If you're getting a mouthful of hair, you're doing it wrong.

valiumredhead · 29/05/2012 09:52

Well exactly bertie

RidingHood · 29/05/2012 09:53

Well I don't know how yours is shaped, but if I were to let mine go there'd definitely be hair in the way of the clitoris, perhaps your clitoris sits externally from your labia?

valiumredhead · 29/05/2012 09:55

The majority of men are hairy and amazingly women have been managing for years.

BertieBotts · 29/05/2012 09:55

No, but he has hands doesn't he?