To be annoyed that my mum says "our" baby!?

[ButterflyJinx]

It really bothers me that she refers to my daughter as "our" baby. I feel like saying, "Actually, mum, she's MY baby!" but I don't want to hurt her feelings, so I've always just ignored it. Now she's text me asking how "our" baby is and I've ranted to my OH once again, who thinks I should tell her to stop saying it.

I don't know if it's something petty that I should carry on ignoring or whether I should speak up about it! Does/would it bother anyone else? X

just say 'oh here's my baby', or 'my baby is fine, thanks, mum'. she'll get the message. no need to be wound about it.

also, lots of articles and tat say 'the baby belongs to the whole family'. i remember the midwife saying that to me. i didn't believe her then and i don't now!

the baby is your baby. my baby was mine, when she was a baby. now there's a little baby, and she's my daughter's. sometimes, i get mixed up - like i told the six-month old she used to like roundabouts, then realised i meant her mummy did.

the little one is your baby. your mum's just trying to join in. she loves you both.

I don't think her mum is doing anything-it is a figure of speech and I doubt whether she will notice!

Well my mum and MIL used to say 'how's MY baby' about my DD. Had to get DS to tell them it was upsetting and they agreed to start saying 'our' instead if 'my'. I can totally understand where you're coming from. It boils my blood when they slip up and say it. Petty yes but I think it's instinct.

Lots of people in my family refer to DS as 'my boy'. I don't mind. He's a lucky boy to have so many people that care about him and want to be involved, and sounds like your DC is too. YABU and precious. It's her grandchild! Let her enjoy it.

I am struggling to imagine why this should be upsetting-is is because you think people won't know that you are the mother or do you think the baby will be confused or are you just a possessive person?

I'm not possessive and I felt the same when DD was new. I think it's quite normal to feel irked in those early days. Hormones coupled with trying to figure out your relationship with this new little bundle. I also think
If there's been a tendency for people to take over the 'my baby' thing can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I remember someone tellIng me on MN that ewes try and steal the young of their offspring. It's all nature and this lady's protective instinct is obviously kicking in. You can see from her tone she knows it's a bit daft and petty - she just wants reassurance she's not losing it. Well I felt the same OP so you're not!

My mum says this and I absolutely love it. I think it's a fab sign of affection and shows how much she loves them :)

Mil says it and dds godmother says it....it hate it hate it hate it!!! Gm also says 'my baba' as in 'how's my baba?' and 'me miss my baba' SHE'S MY BABA!!! I GAVE BIRTH TO HER! Only me and her dad can call her my baby because she is just our baby. End of! :D

MIL calls DS "her special little guy".

Apparently DP and his brother used to be her special little guys, but they're too old now

I love that she loves him. His little face lights up when she's around. It's adorable.

To put it in perspective-looking back-I would think my mother absolutely batty if she said 'I fell out with your grandmother when you were a baby because she would insist on my and I can imagine grandma and I looking at each other with raised eyebrows and a shrug of the shoulders!

So no allowances for new mum protectiveness then?

Only if the are alliances made for new grandma excitement too!

But the grandma hasn't gone through a life changing experience recently and isn't raddled with hormones.

Dear god why are people so precious about motherhood?

OP - YABU. And petty.

Why are people so precious about grandmotherhood too then?

"So no allowances for new mum protectiveness then?"

What needs protecting exactly?

Motherhood seems to be used as an an excuse for bad behaviour and then if anyone complains they can blame the hormones! I suppose they might be sensitive in the first few weeks, but once the DC is a few months old it should no longer apply.
If you were really being protective of the baby the more people who love him and are involved with him the better.
I can't think who thinks is actually good for the baby to have a mother getting all up tight in case people don't think she is the mother! I'm sure that everyone does know and that the baby knows!
I have a friend who refers to her grandchildren as 'my babies'- no one for a minute thinks she gave birth and she wouldn't expect them to!

What exotic said.

Well exotic in so glad you've had such a lovely experience with your well behaved hormones - mine caused crippling post natal anxiety which was almost finished me off. Wish it no longer did apply when DD was 'a few months old'. She's almost 15 months and I'm still struggling.

I was VERY sensitive over stuff like this in the early days. I knew I was being quite irrational but I sincerely couldn't help it or 'pull myself together'. Looking back I know that it was in no way malicious but I do think there was a bit of insensitivity. Someone calling your new baby theirs is quite weird IMO.

• I'm glad

My MIL always says "how's my beautiful boy?" to which DH replies "fine thanks Mum!"

It doesn't bother me in the slightest - I actually think it's quite sweet

Well at least you can look back and think it irrational! People could at least apologise a few months later and say 'sorry,mum, it was just hormones. - not your fault!'

DH could actually point out that he doesn't belong to her either if he was being pedantic! You can't own a human, as mother you are privileged to be able to nurture and guide them for a few years.

I disagree with exotic I was definitely irked by what I can now see as smaller less irritating things - perhaps hormones, perhaps lack of sleep, perhaps adjusting to the new roles and relationships e.g

*mil used to lie and bring over sil's old clothes - over 35 years old and pretend they were new (even put them in a debenhams bag even though the logo has changed in those 35 years) also she would home make clothes and pretend she'd bought them. To be clear - I would have been fine if she was just honest what upset me was she would always lie and then I would think she thought I was stupid to believe it!

• would literally run and grab dd out of my arms when I would come out of a bedroom from bf'ing

• pushed the pram in the road and left it there (holding the bars while she waited on the pavement!) for cars to drive around instead of waiting to cross the road (this one still annoys me!)

• started cleaning my house even tho I asked her please not to (made me feel bad like my house was a pig sty and also I'm b particular with how I do things)

*force feeds dd chocolate (from dd being 7 months old) even when dd would turn her head away or we said that dd had enough choc's for one day

In hindsight most of these are not an issue but at the time it would drive me insane! I completely get where OP is coming from. For me, personally, in time things started to settle down and I now pick my battles and try to not get so wound up by the small things...

Sure but I think dismissing people and their feelings is actually irrational as well. People could also look back a few months later and apologise for being insensitive and not realising what a hard time a new mother can have adjusting and getting used to this massive life change.

And it is definitely weird to call someone else's baby your own baby. Why would you want to do that? I would never consider my dcs children to be "my" babies. I would think I was trampling on their new parenting toes.