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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is what a 15 year old has just posted on face book to my 76 year old MIL

436 replies

RabidAnchovy · 26/05/2012 20:29

I HAVE TOLD THE SCHOOL, I AM GOING TO SPEAK TO HIS MOTHER AND i THINK MIL SHOULD CTELL THE POLICE.

AIBU to think what a vile excuse for a child

If you're loving your pension keep your mouth shut. your name reminds me of something .. AN ESCAPED OLD PEOPLE'S HOME OLD WOMAN WHO HAS MADE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT THOUGHT SHE'D DO THE OLD EXPERIENCED LIFE LIVER THING AND TRY BE FUNNY WHO HAS A ALBUM CALLED 'My eye' HAS SAGGY OLD TITS HASN'T HAD SEX SINCE THE POPE WAS ALIVE.
shut up you old bag, I'd put my dick in your arse and fuck you till you love me

OP posts:
thatisall · 27/05/2012 01:02

that is shocking. get a screen shot and contact the police. Then school on Monday. Hope MIL is ok.. What an awful child

Longdistance · 27/05/2012 01:08

Show it to the mother! See what she says. Vile little shit is putting it mildly!

AllThreeWays · 27/05/2012 01:30

There is a screenshot ccommand for ubuntu, I don't have my laptop open, but it is in the third menu along the top bar if i remember correctly.

AllThreeWays · 27/05/2012 01:31

oops, threeleft feet has it

mockingjay · 27/05/2012 06:59

YANBU, I would (if you can get MIL to agree):

(A) Take a screenshot immediately

(B) Call/go and see the child's mother, taking a screenshot print out. This is to check that the account was not hacked. No point getting the kid into a massive amount of trouble if it was.

(C) Assuming no hacking, take copy 2 to the school. Ask them what they will be doing about it, as you are considering going to the police due to seriousness of internet bullying.

(D) If response to (C) is unsatisfactory, print another copy and take it to the police.

(E) Help MIL change her privacy settings. This one is minor, and I'm a bit shocked that the response on some posters is that MIL should have better privacy or shouldn't be talking to 15 yo's (!)

SamuelWestsMistress · 27/05/2012 07:30

What a vile little shit-for-brains. I desperately hope this matter is taken seriously and he's doesn't get awarded with some made up behavioural issue that means he gets let off.

"Oh poor little Terry has Pensioner Abuse Syndrome, he can't help it. Let's give him a hug"

Goes on ALL the fucking time. It's about time children who behaved like little shits because they ARE little shits were treated like they dam well should be and stop having pathetic excuses made up for them. This is a prime example of exactly why!

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 07:46

What vile, excerable excuse for a young man. FB really does bring out the worst in bullying little tosspots like this, but luckily they are usually too thick to realise that a) it can be traced back to them and b) they can get into serious trouble for it.

His mother must be so proud. Hmm

I would have no qualms in taking this as far it can go. With any luck it might teach the little piece of slime a valuable lesson, before it is too late.

comedycentral · 27/05/2012 08:00

This is awful! Really depressing to hear a young man behaving so dreadfully towards a pensioner. I hope the police take it seriously. Any updates from them?

threeleftfeet · 27/05/2012 08:11

"Take Screenshot is the default utility in Ubuntu that is very easy to use. You can launch it from Applications > Accessories > Take Screenshot.

Once launched, it allows you three options, Grab the Whole desktop, Grab the Current Window, and Grab the selected area. Choose your desired option and click Take Screenshot."

GreenEggsAndNichts · 27/05/2012 08:33

A few have mentioned privacy settings for the MIL. If she can see things other people are posting, it is not her settings which need changing, its the other users'.

The DS's privacy settings clearly allow for 1) people to tag him in photos, and 2) people on his friend list to view and comment on photos he has been tagged in. These settings should probably be changed, imo. I've stopped allowing people to tag me in photos without me okaying it.

MIL was commenting on a photo which arrived in her news feed. If those settings were changed on DS's account, the photo would not be there.

Unless you are all referring to some other sort of privacy setting she should have?

And since I haven't weighed in on the OP: yes, bring the little bastard all he deserves, and come back and tell us about it. Because I am Angry and want to know something is being done!

2rebecca · 27/05/2012 08:44

You can also download screenhunter for free
Your MIL was naive to have her facebook page open to people other than her friends but he was totally OTT and at 15 can't even blame alcohol. If he'll do this to her he'll do it to others who may be more vulnerable.

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 08:50

I don't think she has left her page open has she? If I commented on a photo on a mutual friend's wall then my comment would be seen by other friends of theirs (not mine) and they could respond to my comment, but it would appear on the mutual friends wall, not on mine. But they would still be able to see my profile photo. and respond to me directly. It does not mean that my privacy settings are not watertight.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 27/05/2012 08:51

Last post then I have to log for a while, but, I get the impression from the description that these comments were all on the photo which was posted by another user. Not a post on her wall (which would be something she could change with privacy settings). Since the photo is as good as public (due to the privacy settings of the DS and the boy who posted it), she was able to post a response to it, and so was vile boy.

If the post was a post on her wall then yes, she definitely needs to have her privacy settings checked. In fact, she should have them checked by someone who knows how, now, as a matter of course. But then, I'm the type who locks everything down on FB. Grin And as I said previously, FB does put almost all privacy settings as public by default.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 27/05/2012 08:51

xposted with Hilly!

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 08:52

At 15 can't even blame alcohol? Confused what planet do you live on? Grin

Not that alcohol would be a valid excuse for hateful and deeply worrying comments like that, but blaming alcohol is EXACTLY the kind of thing a 15 year old might do.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/05/2012 08:58

Well this thread demonstrates that many people (posting on this thread, not the op's poor mil) don't understand Facebook security settings.

Op, have you taken screen shots yet? And have you asked MN to remove the names from your opening post?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/05/2012 08:58

Well this thread demonstrates that many people (posting on this thread, not the op's poor mil) don't understand Facebook security settings.

Op, have you taken screen shots yet? And have you asked MN to remove the names from your opening post?

TattyDevine · 27/05/2012 09:47

It is NOT the MIL who needs to change her security settings!!! She is not naive!

The DS of the OP may well have approved the tag.

And the settings of the person who posted the photo are those which determine whether or not a 3rd party can comment on the photo.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/05/2012 10:00

That's what I was getting at, Tatty. A whole bunch of posters were berating the mil, totally misunderstanding how this stuff works. Which is a worry, really.

fuzzpig · 27/05/2012 10:04

I wonder how the mother will react.

Original poster
RabidAnchovy · 27/05/2012 12:04

I will update when I have spoken to the school and the mother.

OP posts:
AltruisticEnigma · 27/05/2012 19:21

That's absolutely disgusting. I hope your poor MIL is okay and isn't dwelling on it too much. As closer to the age of the child than a lot on here, I know what a lot of young people say these days and it's disgusting. I've had comments from 12 year olds like this and it's disgusting. When I say, 'you don't even know what that means' they explain in graphic detail what it does mean. Horrible. If I spoke like that at that age my parents wouldn't let me visit friends, go on holiday etc because it's vile. If someone spoke to my grandma or mother like that I would not be held responsible for my response. Having said that, these types are looking for a response and are so full of hatred and lack of boundaries your reaction is the only thing that excites them. Still, horrendous behaviour.

Report the lad to Facebook. They have a legal obligation to delete him.

If your MIL feels it necessary, call the police.

Definately tell the school. My cousins school takes cyber bullying very seriously and has a zero tolerance approach. Hopefully your DS1's school will too.

ravenAK · 27/05/2012 20:38

Facebook won't delete the boy's account. They might delete the comment. The boy who originally posted the photo can do so, or the 'author', or FB should if it's reported.

MIL can call the police - it's threatening & abusive exactly as if he'd shouted it at her in the street, & they should take it seriously.

Not all that much school can do, to be honest. One of their students has, out of school, behaved unpleasantly to a member of the public who is not a student. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't let them know & expect someone on the Pastoral team to 'have a word', but it's not a school disciplinary matter, unless your ds is complaining of bullying re: the original 'ugly' comment - the boy having a go at your MIL probably isn't the school can act on.

badlybungled · 27/05/2012 22:34

I'd report that to the police. No question about it. It is threatening physical violence. Absolutely horrendous!

squeakytoy · 27/05/2012 22:37

For those saying the MIL doesnt need to adjust her settings, you are incorrect. When the boy commented, he also commented on her photo album, which means he was able to look at her profile after seeing her comment. She can tighten it up so that only friends can see her photos etc.

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