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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have expected my dh to do this without complaining?

129 replies

Breeks · 22/05/2012 20:50

I am a SAHM and I don't drive.
Dh works full time and does.

It was parents evening tonight and my appointment was for 7. The school is a mile and a half away - I walk to and fom the school twice a day (with three children) as it is. We were cutting it fine for making it on time as we were still eating dinner at 6.30.

I said to dh he might have to give me a lift to the school, and he reacted quite badly to this, saying he was fed up with driving today, and pretty much (to my mind) behaving as if I'd asked him to saw off a leg.

We had words, as I was totally pissed off at his unhelpfulness, and in the end rather than have the hassle, I walked on foot quickly.

He thinks he should be allowed to say no. I think he should have been happy to help.

I am back home and the silence is deafening.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
Angelico · 22/05/2012 21:56

YANBU - your husband sounds like an arse.

Wolfiefan · 22/05/2012 22:00

Hate to say it but it sounds like whether he gives you a lift is the least of your problems :-(

MooBaaWoofCheep · 22/05/2012 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/05/2012 22:02

He is unreasonable to have not offered a lift so that you had to ask (WTF?), and doubly so for not going to parents' night as a matter of course.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 22/05/2012 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandMadeTail · 22/05/2012 22:04

I usually go to parents evening on my own.

There is never a deafening silence on my return, as DH is always full of questions about what has been said.

I find this scenario quite amazing, TBH.

emsyj · 22/05/2012 22:08

"Not reacting well to being told to do something not on his agenda does not make him a complete arse "

In your opinion it doesn't. In my opinion, it does. Hope that clears things up for you.

It is normal in a relationship to do things that are inconvenient, boring, time-consuming or otherwise not 'on your agenda' where it is helpful, necessary or kind to do them for the other person. This even extends into the wider world of relationships too - e.g. I might drive my DMum to the airport at 3am even if I would rather saw my own head off, because it would help her out a lot and is a nice thing to do.

Clytaemnestra · 22/05/2012 22:12

I drive,dh doesn't. If this situation arose I would have given him a lift. Or suggested he ring a taxi.

diddl · 22/05/2012 22:15

How could he take you if the children need looking after?

I don´t drive-therefore husband has always done parents evenings.

Margerykemp · 22/05/2012 22:17

Well he isn't going to get the dad of the year prize is he?

CurrySpice · 22/05/2012 22:18

Moobaa I've had a shitty day. I've spent 4 hours driving.

I can think of 87 things I would rather do than pick my kids up from school. But I did because it needed doing. I would rather have slobbed in front of the tv than make their tea. But I did. And as for dealing with client emails? Well even if they are "not on my agenda" they have to be dealt with

She asked him for a list. Not to donate a kidney.

The fact that she had to ask at all would annoy me

So yeah, he's being an arse

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 22/05/2012 22:27

She didn't ask him for a lift, she told him he was giving her the lift. That's why this ended up in a row. The dh may well have been happy to give her a lift if she had asked nicely.

Moo is saying exactly what I think better than me.

AllYoursBabooshka · 22/05/2012 22:57

I can't imagine having to ask my DP everything "nicely" otherwise it would end up in a row.

Me - "Argh, Look how late it is you'll have to give me a lift"
DP - "No problem, We'll leave in 15 minutes."

Not

Me - "Argh, Look how late it is you'll have to give me a lift"
DP - "You didn't ask nicely! I shant bring you now. That will teach you!"

Why make such a simple thing so dramatic?

Original poster
Breeks · 22/05/2012 23:05

It's all sorted. He has conceded to being an arse.

OP posts:
Angelico · 22/05/2012 23:15

A triumph of common sense over ... something :)

AnnieLobeseder · 22/05/2012 23:20

Glad it's sorted. But get a bike!! Or a scooter even.

OxfordBags · 22/05/2012 23:22

If he had done what he should have been doing in the first place - going to parents evening with you, y'know, what with, um, being a parent n all... - then you'd both have been going in the car.

seeker · 22/05/2012 23:24

Your partner driving you somewhere if you can't drive is not "you needing a lift" and needing to be arranged in advance! It's 5 minutes there and 5 back- why would a normal humn being mqke q fuss about that?

skybluepearl · 22/05/2012 23:42

So it must take an hour to to the school trip in the morning and another hour to do the school trip at 3pm. You had already done two hours of walking and he expected you to walk another hour for parents eve when in fact he could have whizzed you there in a few mins. Also to think the parents eve was held for HIS children. What a tight selfish prick. Yes he may have had a hard day but what about your hard day? Doesn't your day count?

skybluepearl · 22/05/2012 23:42

Agree feed him beans untill you have saved enough for driving lessons

seeker · 22/05/2012 23:44

As I said- partners don't give each other "lifts"

It's outrqgeous that the op even had to ask- he should have just assumed he was taking her. Even if he's too much of adick to want to go himself.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 22/05/2012 23:59

was going to say yabu because I don't like taking the children out once they are in.. but I have just looked back and seen that you have walked..... 6 miles today already so you are not being unreasonable.

next time eat before he comes home and leave him to deal with the children. and save up for lessons it is better that way.

Buckingfiatch · 23/05/2012 00:02

He is unreasonable. I am the only one who drives under this roof and I am always driving. It isn't bloody hard work to drive FFS. I would expect it if he had been up for over 18 hours and was dead on his feet, making it dangerous to drive but aside from that, he is being a selfish twunt.

My DP works long hours. We also have other DC. He still ALWAYS comes to every parent evening even if it means I have to squeeze in time to go pick him up.

Whatmeworry · 23/05/2012 00:03

he was an arse, you need to learn to drive.

Buckingfiatch · 23/05/2012 00:08

MooBaa, I get where you are coming from. I hate it when I get told I am driving x to y, and have got to the point I refuse to now if it is expected, not asked if I would mind. But, whether I have a shitty day or not, I still manage to juggle getting the kids in and out of the car and get to MY Childs parents evening. Just because you have had a shitty day, does not mean you have a bloody good excuse to get out of being a parent. You suck it up, and get on with it.

He should want to hear and see how well his child is doing. And should offer, without needing to be asked or told. In this situation, I would of offered without the need of either.