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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to the school?

108 replies

Annunziata · 21/05/2012 13:47

I had the world's worst work experience girl a few weeks ago. If she came on time, she was completely inappropriately dressed, she was rude, she was lazy... it goes on and on.

And then this morning her school sent me an email asking if I could write a new reference because (and I quote) 'we felt that the original one was not very positive and will not benefit X in the future.'

AIBU to say no? I think giving her the truth will benefit her more in the future than telling her she was wonderful!

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 21/05/2012 13:49

You could compromise between the 2!!!

MoreCowbell · 21/05/2012 13:49

I completely agree with you - she needs to see the consequence of her actions, it is work experience! A realistic appraisal/reference should be part of that surely, for it to approximate the experience of working.

Original poster
Annunziata · 21/05/2012 13:50

Olympia2012 You mean give her the second one anyway?

OP posts:
Destrier · 21/05/2012 13:51

YANBU Let her learn a lesson now rather than struggle later

Olympia2012 · 21/05/2012 13:51

No, do a new one. Neutral? What did you say in the first one?

NarkedPuffin · 21/05/2012 13:51

I'd phone the head. Refuse to rewrite it and tell them you won't be taking more of their pupils.

drcrab · 21/05/2012 13:52

maybe you can word it in a different manner. something like "if student had been on a different work experience, she might have flourished and benefited". ie, it's obvious that she didnt in this case!

Destrier · 21/05/2012 13:52

Why shoulkd she write a neutral one if the girl wasn't neutral??

ABatInBunkFive · 21/05/2012 13:52

I would reply saying she was not very positive and her actions will not benefit her in the future so no.

TheUnMember · 21/05/2012 13:53

I thought it was unlawful to give a negative reference, even if it's true.

But I may have dreamt that

Destrier · 21/05/2012 13:53

But why now just be honest???? Grr must stop posting now...

Destrier · 21/05/2012 13:53

not

lunar1 · 21/05/2012 14:02

Stand you ground. I once mentored a student nurse on a 12 week placement. She turned up for 2 weeks, even admitted she was skiving. When she was on the ward she did nothing. At the end of the placement obviously I couldnt sign her book.

She hounded me for a month after to sign her off. then the school of nursing hounded me to sign it. I had to contact the Dean of the university to get them to leave me alone. they gave her another chance on a different ward and she still didnt turn up. It took them over a year to fail her and get rid!

Original poster
Annunziata · 21/05/2012 14:02

Alright, this is basis of the original (changed a little.)

'X needs to work on her timekeeping and professional appearance. Timekeeping improved over the course of the week, but her appearance was still inappropriate with regards to skirt length and accessories. X worked well on her own but needs to listen to instructions and communicate more when she is working in a team. She is confident but can occasionally become too overfamiliar with customers.'

I thought that was quite complimentary given that she broke 4 plates, pissed off the entire staff and several customers!

OP posts:
Lizcat · 21/05/2012 14:03

I find writing things like 'completed task competently when clearly directed' often satisfies school, but speaks volumes.

Original poster
Annunziata · 21/05/2012 14:05

Even that would be stretching the truth Lizcat.

OP posts:
drcrab · 21/05/2012 14:07

tbh I think what you've written sounds fair. But of course, anything less than complimentary is not 'acceptable' these days. is there a marking criteria that the school could provide? maybe if they could send you one, you could mark her against that?

Original poster
Annunziata · 21/05/2012 14:09

Thanks drcrab- I thought it wasn't bad, given she is only 14. That's an idea, I'll ask for an example.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annunziata · 21/05/2012 14:09

Thanks drcrab- I thought it wasn't bad, given she is only 14. That's an idea, I'll ask for an example.

OP posts:
MaisyMooCow · 21/05/2012 14:12

I think what you've written is very fair. She should take constructive critisism from it, learn move on.

Merrylegs · 21/05/2012 14:13

You can give constructive feedback about a person's attitude to their work in an appraisal, but people expect a reference to help them get a new job.

If you really couldn't have found something positive to say I would have been inclined to refuse to write a reference in the first place and instead asked the school 'how does (name of girl) think it went?'

As you have already given a bad reference, I don't think you can rewrite it tbh. In which case I would email the school and say 'sorry, my first reference stands.'

DS was never given a reference from his work experience (and they loved him!) - it wasn't school policy to ask and he managed to get into a good sixth form and get a part time job without a WE reference, so I don't think it's the be all and end all.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Original poster
Annunziata · 21/05/2012 14:13

'Constructive criticism.'

That's the phrase I was looking for! Thanks.

OP posts:
Callisto · 21/05/2012 14:16

This is exactly why DH doesn't have work experience kids any more. Lazy, illiterate, always late, answer back, don't listen. Everyone moans about how there are no jobs for school leavers but it is because most school leavers are unempoloyable.

Annunziata - I would mail the school and tell them that she was rubbish. How on earth will she get a job and keep it if she can't even dress appropriately?

drcrab · 21/05/2012 14:16

Or you can put the blame on the school, and say something like 'X was not prepared for her work experience...'

Original poster
Annunziata · 21/05/2012 14:16

Merrylegs- No, it's part of the 'deal' with the school- work experience and reference.

OP posts:
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