To say no to the school?

[Annunziata]

I had the world's worst work experience girl a few weeks ago. If she came on time, she was completely inappropriately dressed, she was rude, she was lazy... it goes on and on.

And then this morning her school sent me an email asking if I could write a new reference because (and I quote) 'we felt that the original one was not very positive and will not benefit X in the future.'

AIBU to say no? I think giving her the truth will benefit her more in the future than telling her she was wonderful!

As a secondary school teacher please DO NOT rewrite it. At 14 she has plenty of time to find a job on her own iniative and gain a better reference for an apprenticeship, job or course.

I am shocked the school asked you to redo it - one of the things students need to learn is responsibility for their actions if you gave her clear advice and she did not act appropriately then it is a vital learning experience for her that you owe it to her not to take away or diminish.

Absolutely right! your refusal to rewrite is entirely correct and your offer to allow her the chance to earn a better one is hugely generous. It would be doing her, and future good-quality WE people, a massive disservice to allow a decent or even neutral reference with poor work.

Thanks for all the responses- sorry I couldn't respond quicker myself; I had a busy afternoon at work.

Tortu- I don't know who is a bad student, an excellent student or a mediocre one. I dont know what their home lives are like. I only can report on what they did, and I can't tailor the reference like a teacher could. I have given bad references before as well, although normally over the phone. The written one is as much a report for the school as anything.

I would guess from the school request that this student is a regular trouble maker and they were hoping to get something positive from the work experience. It often happens that children who are difficult in the school environment are fantastic on work experience. You are absolutely right to not re-do the reference and very kind to offer her another chance. As a teacher I feel it is this apologist attitude for bad behaviour which is causing many young people to be completely unprepared for the real world.

Dear god, Grun, how can you put a positive slant on that?! It's bad enough that you have to put up with it, but then having to praise them!

dominodonkey I actually think she goes under the radar a wee bit. I certaintly can't see her being violent or angry, but I can see her being cliquey, whispering in class, constantly forgetful, not putting her full ability in etc. Low level stuff that should have been stopped.

Quite depressing really.

I expect all the annual reports and parents' evenings follow the same pattern.

True. I was once asked to rewrite my.tutor reference of a girl in my form who was routinely abusive to teachers, underperforming and a bully. I refused, but I imagine the Assistant Head who made the request stepped in.

But why should employment references emphasise the positive to a fairly extreme extent? Why should people have to read between the lines? I'm genuinely asking. I've always thought they should just be clear and honest, telling prospective employers what the writer would like to know in their shoes.