Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and could you help settle a quandry please????

106 replies

sponkle · 20/05/2012 21:31

Ok wise mumsnetters we need your help to resolve a quandry.

AIBU to think DH should put DS2 first?

DH childhhood friend (like brother) got married overseas earlier this year but as it was other side of the world is having a wedding celebration this weekend for friends and family who couldn't make it. DH didn't go to stag do as it was one of those expensive trips to a European city which we just couldn't afford.

DH and friend's relationship has cooled somewhat over the last 10 years or so...friend living single high life in London, DH living provincial family life. Friend was our best man, but has not had time to support (not even been in touch) DH through a significantly difficult time recently (teenage DS1 almost tore our family apart ADHD, ASD, heavy drugs usage, expelled from school etc)

DS2 turns 5 this week. He really wants to go to Legoland. He is not having a birthday party but is having a friend over for tea after school. DH wants to go to friends wedding celebration.

What do you think DH should do? Legoland or wedding celebration?

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 20/05/2012 21:32

Do Legoland another weekend?

Icelollycraving · 20/05/2012 21:33

Can you do both?

chocoroo · 20/05/2012 21:34

Does DS2 have to go to Legoland this weekend? I know it's his birthday this week but why not tell him all about it as a plan then give him a few weeks to get excited, plan his trip etc?

scuzy · 20/05/2012 21:34

why cant you go with ds and have his dad spend one on one time with him when he is back. i know bdays are important but it wont be the first time something clashes with a bday.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 20/05/2012 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentProvocateur · 20/05/2012 21:34

Sorry, I think he should go to his friend's wedding. Legoland will always be there, but your best mate only gets married once. Hopefully.

Gumby · 20/05/2012 21:35

Can't legoland be one day & dh's thing the other day of the weekend

debka · 20/05/2012 21:36

wedding.

welliebobs · 20/05/2012 21:36

Are you going to legoland on ds actual birthday? Is the wedding celebration on his birthday? If not yabu!

wereofftoseethewizard · 20/05/2012 21:36

What day is ds's birthday ? You could have gone this weekend or do both next weekend.

WellYouPickedHim · 20/05/2012 21:38

friends wedding deffo

Original poster
sponkle · 20/05/2012 21:38

can't do both. DS2 was invited to clebrations but as has ASD really wouldn't cope with it at all which is why I'm not going either. It is on the Saturday and if we went to Legoland on the Sunday it would be too much for DS before school the next day. Legoland would be a really big deal for him and he would need his Dad there as it will be full on for him to deal with but he still really wants to go.

OP posts:
TheGalliantLadyDidymus · 20/05/2012 21:39

YANBU
It doesn't seem like the "friend" has been much of a friend lately so I'm going to agree with you and say your ds should come first.

Hope your ds has a good birthday though, whatever happens.

trixymalixy · 20/05/2012 21:40

Legoland can be done another weekend, the wedding celebration can't. DH should go to the wedding thing.

Original poster
sponkle · 20/05/2012 21:40

birthday is Wednesday. Wedding celebration thing on Saturday. I'm just upset that DH is putting his friend first as the relationship isn't really there for him and hasn't been for some time now...I know for a fact if it was the other way round his friend would go to Legoland without a second thought.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 20/05/2012 21:41

It's your DH's childhood friend, like brothers, your words. Sorry but YABU.

PandaNot · 20/05/2012 21:43

If DS birthday is midweek then surely either weekend (before or after) will be suitable for Legoland?

Original poster
sponkle · 20/05/2012 21:43

Were like brothers, 20 years gao when friend went through some extremely difficult times and needed support. He hasn't been there at all for DH when he's needed him over the last 3 or 4 years. at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
sponkle · 20/05/2012 21:44

We couldn't do Legoland this weekend as DS2 had diahorreah.

OP posts:
mckenzie · 20/05/2012 21:44

perhaps your Dh is hoping to rekindle the relationship with his old childhood friend??? Does he miss the friendship do you think?

trixymalixy · 20/05/2012 21:46

Your DH still clearly cares about his friend, and wants to go though. YABU.

thefurryone · 20/05/2012 21:47

I think YABU the wedding celebration can't be moved the Lego and trip can be. TBH sounds a little bit like you just don't like the friend and are just throwing up obstacles.

WellYouPickedHim · 20/05/2012 21:47

just because you arent keen on friend, if he is like a brother to your husband, he probably feels very close to him'

stop trying to make it into a drama

emsyj · 20/05/2012 21:47

I think if I were your DH, I would want to have the freedom to make my own choice about whether to go to the wedding or not. I would say Y would BU to pressurise him into declining because it's what you think he should do.

Original poster
sponkle · 20/05/2012 21:47

Yes, I think he does miss the relationship. Friend is moving to overseas country far away at end of year. I said DH could always spend some real quality time together with just him and friend before he goes? I'm not telling him what to do...whatever he decides I'll go with. Just so dissappointed that friend has failed him so much recently and yet DS2 has to be put behind him in order of priorities.

OP posts: