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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that £150+ for a prom dress is ridiculous?

149 replies

mosschops30 · 20/05/2012 15:13

Its dds 16th birthday in June.

She wanted an overnight spa break in a top hotel which was £220 (£110 for her, but she couldnt go alone so same for me).
She also wants spending money for her trip to the canaries with my mum, so thats £150.
We will prob buy her some clothes (£50 ish) and go out for a meal.

But on top of that i also have to pay £25 prom ticket and a prom dress. The ones she likes are in Coast and are £170-£180 Shock. she thinks IABU to not buy it in a flash, she cant see why she cant just have it. Because of course at that age all you want is to look good and be just like your friends.

We have just cancelled next years Florida trip cos we deffo cant afford it.
I think i just went for a meal with my parents on my 16th!

Ive seen a nice dress on ASOS for £65, but shes a bit sulky about it

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/05/2012 15:15

I would give her a price limit and tell her anything over that she pays

LadySybilDeChocolate · 20/05/2012 15:16

Coast is very expensive. In my first year of uni they had a ball. I wanted a ballgown but wasn't prepared to pay £200 for one so I bought a roll of fabric and made my own. It cost £25. Smile

mixedberrymilkshake · 20/05/2012 15:17

I wouldn't say it's ridiculous, especially if it's a nice cocktail one she can wear again. My prom dress was quite expensive from Reiss but it got plenty of wear at uni balls and weddings!

However, she has had some pretty expensive presents and presumably an expensive holiday. If she wanted a 100+ dress then she should have thought about asking it for her birthday.

So no, given the circumstances- YANBU. 65 is still a lot more than most girls spent on their dresses at mine...

Debeezandbirds · 20/05/2012 15:18

If she's sulking and not offered to help pay by either way of pocket money or helping around the house YANBU.

Offer her the dress you can afford or tell her to go in jeans. You seem to have spent lots of money (and effort) into giving her a lovely 16th to look forward too. Maybe you could suggest she forgoes the spa and just has the meal?

As someone who has yet to parent teenagers I can say this with a cool calm about me. Give it 8 years and I'll be zombie-threading this up and begging for help ;)

Leeds2 · 20/05/2012 15:20

I would tell her that she could have either the spa break, or the dress, but not both. Although that would of course mean you missed out on going to the spa if she chooses the dress!

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/05/2012 15:20

If she's not likely to wear it again then you could hire one from wish want wear. Her mates would never know she doesn't own it and they are much nicer than coast.

wonkylegs · 20/05/2012 15:21

Even if I could afford it I'm not sure mine would get such expensive presents let alone dresses for proms. I want lots of expensive things but I learnt a long time ago that i'd have to work and save up to get them.
If you give in all the time there's no way that kids learn that.
I'm not saying be mean, give presents but that's an awful lot of money for a 16yr old.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 20/05/2012 15:22

She cant pay because she gave up her paper round to concentrate on revision.
She has an interview for new job at end of May but wont start til end f june

OP posts:
JoanOfNark · 20/05/2012 15:22

we it seems she's used to you spoiling her so she expects it.

Grannylipstick · 20/05/2012 15:22

Spa break. Holidays. Prom ticket. Prom dress. What's going on here ? Remind her that most of her friends going probably can't afford it either but have to keep up with the jones ! Where will all this lead.

SpottedGurnard · 20/05/2012 15:23

It's a lot of money but is it a style that she will ever be able to wear again? For my balls at uni and school I was sensible and got ones that (admittedly were about £120) I even now wear to friend's weddings.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 20/05/2012 15:24

Spa break already booked and paid for so thats a done deal.
I doubt she'd wear it again, i certainly couldnt afford to buy myself a dress like that to wear once

OP posts:
manicbmc · 20/05/2012 15:24

She wants?

Loads of things I want but can't have. And it's a valuable life lesson to learn you can't have everything. Spa break for a 16 year old? Hmm

Look on Ebay for a dress. Dd got one for £25 for her prom.

Debeezandbirds · 20/05/2012 15:24

"She cant pay because she gave up her paper round to concentrate on revision."

Of course revision is more important, but prior to this had she put anything away for the expensive dress she wants? She'll have known about prom all year surely?

QuintessentialShadows · 20/05/2012 15:26

mosschops, cant she have her prom dress as a birthday present then, rather than the hotel? Dont let her turn into a spoilt little madam! She will never understand about budgeting and finances, if the family scrapes and saves, but not when it comes to her!

I got my prom dress as a birthday present. My choice. It cost a fortune, was worn once, but I looked so fabulous I got together with a boy I had been fancying for months that night, and stayed with him for 2 years, and through him got a great circle of friends....

spammertime · 20/05/2012 15:26

Would she entertain the idea of getting a Coast dress from eBay? I got a fantastic one from there last year which had only been worn once.

QuintessentialShadows · 20/05/2012 15:28

oh, I see that the spa break is paid for....

Who are going to pay for the extra treatments at the spa break? And dinner?
A bit much to pay for a hotel if all you are going to do is use the pool.... Treatments cost from £60 and up usually?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 20/05/2012 15:28

Does she actually need new clothes and a meal out?

If she needs new clothes you woud be buying those anyway, and you could just have a cake and candles at home instead of a meal out.

Ask her if she would rather sacrifice new clothes that she doesn't actually need and a meal out so that she can have the dress instead?

I actually think its really sweet that she wants a night in a spa with her Mum for her 16th. Thats the last thing I would have chosen at that age!

Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2012 15:31

Could you consider looking on eBay?? Lots of people end up selling their prom dresses the following year to recoup money

JesusWept · 20/05/2012 15:32

Do you know of a dressmaker that could make a copy of the dress for a fraction of the price?

JesusWept · 20/05/2012 15:33

Actually DropDead a lovely mn'er I know got a lovely lovely (think it was Coast) dress off eBay for her daughters prom for an absolute sinch.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 20/05/2012 15:35

Lol yes me too, im glad shes chosen to spend that time with me rather than asking to go to shagaluf Shock
the spa treat covers a 3 course dinner, overnight stay, full breakfast, one hoyr treatment and use of facilities so is actually a v.good offer imho.

Maybe i can ditch the meal out, as we will be having one on spa deal. Will look on ebay at dresses now, problem is sizing, she has large boobs but slim everywhere else she is an 8 in some Coast dresses a 10 in others

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 20/05/2012 15:40

Sizing isn't the problem- it's the fact you will end up bankrupting yourself for your daughter!

Seriously OP- you seem like a reasonable person but it does look like your DD will have a nasty shock when she gets into the real world and realises you can't get everything on your wishlist. She will either end up bitterly disappointed or end up with ten maxed out credit cards.

Start now with either or. And don't take no for an answer at not being able to cancel the spa break. Ask for your money back- you haven't had the spa weekend yet so demand the money back!

Tell your daughter "the TOTAL budget for your birthday is £200. How do you want to divide that up?"

BackforGood · 20/05/2012 15:49

Clearly if she's used to being spoilt, then she will expect it.
My ds's birthday is in June too, but, to be fair I consider new clothes for his prom to be something I will buy each of my children, and not part of his birthday present (the presents for that will come in, under £25 in total from us). HOwever, he of course - being a lad - has got a suit which he will wear over and over again to weddings/ Christenings/Funerals / interviews, most prom deresses don't come out for a 2nd wearing. Also, his new suit, shirt and tie came to about £35 in total.

As other have said, this prom is hardly a surprise - if she wanted the holiday, the spa treat, the dress, et al, then she has clearly had all year to be putting something by for some of that expense. If she's chosen not too, then that's a lesson learnt.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 20/05/2012 15:52

I suggest she looks on EBay. No way would I pay £150 for a dress that will only be worn once.