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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that £150+ for a prom dress is ridiculous?

149 replies

mosschops30 · 20/05/2012 15:13

Its dds 16th birthday in June.

She wanted an overnight spa break in a top hotel which was £220 (£110 for her, but she couldnt go alone so same for me).
She also wants spending money for her trip to the canaries with my mum, so thats £150.
We will prob buy her some clothes (£50 ish) and go out for a meal.

But on top of that i also have to pay £25 prom ticket and a prom dress. The ones she likes are in Coast and are £170-£180 Shock. she thinks IABU to not buy it in a flash, she cant see why she cant just have it. Because of course at that age all you want is to look good and be just like your friends.

We have just cancelled next years Florida trip cos we deffo cant afford it.
I think i just went for a meal with my parents on my 16th!

Ive seen a nice dress on ASOS for £65, but shes a bit sulky about it

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 20/05/2012 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 20/05/2012 19:43

Over the last couple of years I've seen an ever increasing number of 'Prom' type dresses in Charity Shops.

Groovee · 20/05/2012 19:43

My dd has her P7 qually, we've borrowed the dress and the shoes, my mum's paying for her hair (£45 with my hairdresser, not her usual one). I still have a bag and a shrug to get her. It was £30 for her limo and £5 for the after disco. And in your dd's age group they need a proper dress etc.

TheTeaPig · 20/05/2012 19:55

"Thats teenage girls unfortunately"
Umm - not all of them - my DD would be thrilled to have a Spa weekend as her present but we have also had great birthdays with homemade pizza, a Harry Potter party - they all dressed up and I lit candles and put them all around and lit the fire and did loads of food - they all squealed when they came in.
I think the saddest thing is that despite you spending loads of money your DD is sulking -she is spoilt and you have made her like this . I have read your other threads on this as well .Sad

scuzy · 20/05/2012 19:59

wow ... if all that is for her 16th your setting yourself up for the 18th and so on.

scuzy · 20/05/2012 20:00

she seems to expect alot

TidyDancer · 20/05/2012 20:00

Is a prom now the norm in the UK? Confused

CeliaFate · 20/05/2012 20:02

I know I'm an old gimmer, but when I were a lass we went to the local pub and had a few halves of lager when we left school.
I miss those simple times...

CeliaFate · 20/05/2012 20:04

TidyDancer - yes, unfortunately. Not one, but two. Once when people leave after gcses, then again when you've done your 'A' levels.
Dress, limo, fake tan, hair do, jewellery, shoes, make up, professional photographer (I kid you not).

TidyDancer · 20/05/2012 20:05

Seriously?! That's, um, interesting!

flexybex · 20/05/2012 20:06

Cheap prom, moss. My ds's was £60pp. More than my benevolence would fund, I'm afraid Grin

Original poster
mosschops30 · 20/05/2012 20:07

Thank you for the very unhelpful posts about what a terrible parent i am and how spoilt dd is!
I asked if you thought IWBU to think £150 is a lot for a dress, not to be smug about how wonderful your kids are because they ask for so little.
I am very proud of dd, she works hard at school, has never given me any trouble in the boys/drugs/alcohol/staying out department, she held diwn a job for 2 years, she completed her duke of edinburgh award and was a school prefect.
So if she is a bit spolit then i can cope with that.

Thank you to those who have posted tips on websites, shops etc etc

OP posts:
scuzy · 20/05/2012 20:09

your unwelcome!

BackforGood · 20/05/2012 20:09

'fraid so Tidy.
They seem to have these big 'celebrations' when "leaving" in Yr11 - even though, as I've pointed out to ds, he's not leaving, he's going into the 6th form! Confused
DS (Yr11) is having a 'prom' at a nice venue, a limo there (he's paying for that, his friend has arranged it!), a 'Leavers' Hoodie' a Leavers' Lunch, A leavers' Year Book.
Apparently it all happens again when they actually do leave, at the end of 6th form!

scuzy · 20/05/2012 20:10

"prom" ... so american.

Grannylipstick · 20/05/2012 20:10

Why don't you all just say NO. We aren't buying into all this American tripe. Get real and cut your garment according to your cloth.

lels99 · 20/05/2012 20:12

oxfam online sell loads of prom dresses www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/womens-clothing/eveningwear

scuzy · 20/05/2012 20:13

well OP can afford the cloth which is fair enough have no problem with that but if your dd gets all she wants and is spolied as you yourself have said you cant expect her NOT to throw a strop when she doesnt get what she wants.

TidyDancer · 20/05/2012 20:14

Good God. I didn't realise how commercial it had all got, and I only finished Yr11 12 years ago!

We got people to sign our white school shirts and we had a crappy little party (buffet we made ourselves and photographs with our own disposable cameras) in one of the larger classrooms.

I honestly think I'd rather have had that!

MarySA · 20/05/2012 20:16

I wouldn't pay for the expensive prom dress and the spa break. It would be one or the other. But if the spa break is paid for it does leave many options.

DarrowbyEightFive · 20/05/2012 20:17

Mmm, I think NOT giving your kids everything they want is one of the most valuable things you can teach them. DD1 is nearly 14 now, and if she were to get as demanding as that at 16 there would be NO prom dress and no prom. In that respect I think getting a dress from Ebay is a good compromise - but you should really hammer it in how lucky she is to get a spa break plus the prom gear. And that this will not be repeated at 18, I would think.

I don't live in the UK and don't get this prom thing at 16. Why 16? In the US it's 18, isn't it? Here in Germany there's a big formal ball after the equivalent of A-Levels, at 18 or 19. If Educating Essex is anything to go by, the British proms are horrendously tacky affairs with stretch limos and the like - for a bunch of 16 year olds! I think I'll join you in the old gimmer corner, Celia.

MarySA · 20/05/2012 20:19

I wasn't meaning to say your DD is spoilt or you're not a good parent. But you've said yourself it's too much money and I agree.

Birdsgottafly · 20/05/2012 20:21

If you can afford it, i honestly don't see why you wouldn't buy her that for a special occassion.

I have just had my DD a dress made for £125, she will wear it again, on top of that i spent £100 on beauty/hair etc.

We all pitched together and hired a Bently for them to go, you only leave main school once.

Sometimes it is nice to spoil your DD, especially when they have worked hard and are doing all that they should be.

Some grls had bought their dresses well before, so got them from Ebay and manage to look lovely, on the budget that their mums had to stick to. I was happy to spend what i did.

All she is getting for her 17th is essential clothing and driving lessons. She is looking in vain for summer jobs.

I don't think that giving her special days to look back on/really enjoy is spoiling her.

TheTeaPig · 20/05/2012 20:25

The point is that you have posted this and posted before on how unhappy your DD is - you describe her as sulking!
Despite being given lovely gifts and treats - its about managing her expectations and I think that you not setting boundaries about her expectations is the cause.
Its not possible for her to have everything she wants - bloody hell I would love a new car, a horse,a bigger house and a smaller bum - aint ever gonna happen! Grin
By not setting these boundaries she is becoming unhappy - no teenager should be unhappy on their birthday OP .
My DD had a lovely prom - no fake tanor nails in sight !

Birdsgottafly · 20/05/2012 20:28

£110 for a 16th birthday isn't that much either, if as you say, she is a well behaved/doing all that she should.

Budgets are very subjective, though. My mum won't pay for good clothes, but buys what i think is a load of crap every week that she could live without and she smokes.