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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is he up to no good?

302 replies

mummytogorguztwinsxx · 18/05/2012 19:25

Hi im new on here and really need some advice. Ive been with my husband for 3.5yrs and married for 1 was our anniversary may 11th. We have gorguz twin boys that are 2.5yrs. Up until the 28th april everything was great with our family, we were even trying for another baby.

The 28th april changed my life forever. My husbands ex partner from 5years ago showed up with his son!! Which he never knew about, his son is 4 in august. Which obviously shows this did not happen whilst we have been together but she did choose to keep his son from him n basically played god with his life.

Anyway since he has found out about him 3 weeks ago he has been spending hours and hours with them n no time at all with his twins, he's been coming home at midnight and even 2am once, they are also constantly txting eaxh other, i understand that he wants to be a dad and do the right thing and i support that, but its the secretive texts n the coming home late, also when he is out with them he wont answer the phone or my txts. They went to bkackpool last sat and he txt me a 9pm to say they were staying over and no matter how much i pleaded with him not to he still did it. The folliwing day he came home and after an hour or so he had a bath, when i asked for his washing there was no boxers, he says he left them at the hotel because they were full of sand from the beach which could be believable, but he h ad them in when he came home.

To top it all off we fouund out i was preg on 8/5 he imnediately told me i had to abort it as it isnt the right. time or situation to bring a baby up, this really really hurt me as it is something we have both wanted for over a year, we decided on monday to keep the baby but unfortunately i had a musscarriage on tuesday but my husband has not been here for me at all, i went to the hospital on my own and got home past midnight on tues, then weds he went straight out from work at 5.30pm with them and returned at midnight, as i am writing this he is out with them he went at 4 and has said he will be back by 12, i dont understand why u would have a 3yr old out that late.

Please could somebody help me am i over reacting? Is he just excited about this new son or is it more about spending more time with her????

OP posts:
Buckingfiatch · 19/05/2012 22:53

Good on you. Don't let him treat you this way!!

RetroMom · 19/05/2012 22:55

You've got twin babies sleeping in the house. Send him a text telling him he's not welcome home tonight after spending time with his floozy. You are locking him out. Do not engage with him should he turn up. Tell him he can arrange to fetch his stuff at a convenient time in the day.

RetroMom · 19/05/2012 22:56

Stay strong. You and your babies deserve to be cherished. He's not doing that. But someone who deserves you one day will.

Buckingfiatch · 19/05/2012 22:57

He knows he has his twins there. If he did eventually turn up and kick off, then that just proves what a thoughtless twunt he actually is.

SlightlyJaded · 19/05/2012 23:09

I am reading with in total Confused.

Has he ever once acknowledged how hard it must be for you to come to terms with the sudden appearance of a son? Of course the little boy comes first and yes, your DH's head must be reeling but you are his wife and the mother of what you thought were his first born DS's and that must be hard. He doesn't seem to have taken your feelings on board at all.

On the contrary he is behaving like a selfish immature twunt.

Fwiw I think he is shagging her. You say she lives with her mum so it would be easy for them to leave the little boy with her whilst they went out. And if not shagging, some misplaced 'bonding/connecting' thing. Both as disloyal as each other.

And I think that what ever is going on, you need to consider that this woman and her son are now going to be in his life forever. And you need to decide whether it's possible for husband be the husband you need him to be as well.

And finally, the 'punches'. So there's your dealbreaker right there. Is this what you really wantyou and your gorgeous twins?

SlightlyJaded · 19/05/2012 23:10

Sorry. Stupid iPad

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 19/05/2012 23:16

His stuff is packed and i have txt him to tell him i have also sent him a picture of his stuff packed so he knows im serious and he has not got in touch so i hope it rains

OP posts:
rhondajean · 19/05/2012 23:20

I'm so sorry, been having a glass of wine and watching the help with my friend, she's just gone so this is me just catching up.

I had my suspicions last night and like I said I'm not suspicious by nature. Whether he is shagging her or not you deserve to be treated so so much better.

Be determined.

Cravey · 19/05/2012 23:20

Bit of a shock for you all there I should imagine. Be straight with him darling and tell him that yes he needs to know his son but he must must must put you and yours first. This new child needs to be integrated into your family not just with hubby. You also must be firm about him staying out etc and tell him your fears. If it was me I know I would not be calm I would be screaming and shouting but deep down know that's not the way to play it. I fell for you I really do this sounds dreadful x

RetroMom · 19/05/2012 23:21

He's not got your text yet because they're probably up to no good. He'll read them when they're done.

Stay strong, and calm.

I hope packing his bags has made you feel better?

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 19/05/2012 23:24

Yeah it did for a minute think a glass of wine is in order

OP posts:
rhondajean · 19/05/2012 23:27

Yeah my mu always used to give me a brandy for shock! Even when I was little Shock

RetroMom · 19/05/2012 23:27

Try hang in there before you have that wine. He may come home and you want a clear head!

grumblinalong · 19/05/2012 23:27

Oh dear. What a mess, you are being very strong to just get rid of him like this. You've done really well. He has emotionally abused you and it sounds like, with his history of aggression, you've got out in good time.

She sounds like she's all over the place and will probably bin him off soon when the novelty and attention has worn off. I hope you are ok. What a shitty situation - you've got twins, had a MC and your marriage to knobber has disintegrated - you've got a lot to deal with so I hope you are looking after yourself. Glad you've found MN as a place of support. AIBU can be a bit rough so there's always the relationship section where it's a bit gentler if it starts to go a bit Hmm here.

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 19/05/2012 23:28

He wont come home he told me where they were eating and it is a hotel also he will stay with her tonight i know he will

OP posts:
grumblinalong · 19/05/2012 23:30

Has he said he isn't coming home?

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 19/05/2012 23:32

Yeah at 9.30pm

OP posts:
Buckingfiatch · 19/05/2012 23:33

I really feel for you. I honestly do. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling right now. Just, well done. You needed to do this.

Have one glass. One glass isn't going to do anything. You deserve it.

The fact he hasn't replied speaks volumes. It doesn't take 2 hours to get home. He is a prize prick.

We are all here for you.

thenightsky · 19/05/2012 23:33

So at 9.30pm he was setting off... how far away do you live from the traff centre?

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 19/05/2012 23:34

Yeah he said they were setting off in a min and it should take approx 40 mins at the most

OP posts:
grumblinalong · 19/05/2012 23:34

Yes, he said he WAS coming home at 9.30pm didn't he? Has he actually texted that he is staying over though is what I meant? Sorry, I'm on the cider!

Buckingfiatch · 19/05/2012 23:34

I thought he text saying something along the lines of that he was finishing up so therefore wouldn't be long at 9.30?

rhondajean · 19/05/2012 23:35

Hang on, he said he wasn't coming home? I thought said he was leaving at 9 30?

thenightsky · 19/05/2012 23:36

did you say you know the hotel? Can you rock up there and suprise him?

hoops997 · 19/05/2012 23:36

What a total cock, you and your twins are better off without this man....stay strong OP