is he up to no good?

[mummytogorguztwinsxx]

Hi im new on here and really need some advice. Ive been with my husband for 3.5yrs and married for 1 was our anniversary may 11th. We have gorguz twin boys that are 2.5yrs. Up until the 28th april everything was great with our family, we were even trying for another baby.

The 28th april changed my life forever. My husbands ex partner from 5years ago showed up with his son!! Which he never knew about, his son is 4 in august. Which obviously shows this did not happen whilst we have been together but she did choose to keep his son from him n basically played god with his life.

Anyway since he has found out about him 3 weeks ago he has been spending hours and hours with them n no time at all with his twins, he's been coming home at midnight and even 2am once, they are also constantly txting eaxh other, i understand that he wants to be a dad and do the right thing and i support that, but its the secretive texts n the coming home late, also when he is out with them he wont answer the phone or my txts. They went to bkackpool last sat and he txt me a 9pm to say they were staying over and no matter how much i pleaded with him not to he still did it. The folliwing day he came home and after an hour or so he had a bath, when i asked for his washing there was no boxers, he says he left them at the hotel because they were full of sand from the beach which could be believable, but he h ad them in when he came home.

To top it all off we fouund out i was preg on 8/5 he imnediately told me i had to abort it as it isnt the right. time or situation to bring a baby up, this really really hurt me as it is something we have both wanted for over a year, we decided on monday to keep the baby but unfortunately i had a musscarriage on tuesday but my husband has not been here for me at all, i went to the hospital on my own and got home past midnight on tues, then weds he went straight out from work at 5.30pm with them and returned at midnight, as i am writing this he is out with them he went at 4 and has said he will be back by 12, i dont understand why u would have a 3yr old out that late.

Please could somebody help me am i over reacting? Is he just excited about this new son or is it more about spending more time with her????

Exactly. You do need to find out your rights. Go and see a solicitor on Monday.

Yes he has replied saying there setting off in a min. But ive heard that before

You need to see a solicitor. And you need to start thinking about work, as you cant rely on his income. He will have 3 children to support.

He sounds like a total idiot. Good job you seem level headed enough and wont put up with any crap from him.

Who gives a shit. Leave them to it and move on. Start disengaging now.

Ive told him that me and his kids deserve his honesty and if he want to try and make it work with her then fine but do the decent thing and tell me rather than continuously hurting me and letting his children down he just goes on saying he wants me n not her and ge loves me bla bla bla told him words are easy to say actions are harder

He is all talk.

Why cant the boy come with you all on family outings, why does he need to be alone? So that the mother can come too?

Because she doesnt want me to be involved yet, ive told him he needs to tell her tough as she made the decision to keep his son from him

He is telling you. By way of his actions. Anyway, who cares if he tells you or not verbally. Are you really going to hang around like some sad sack until he bins you off?

Think about what you want. Do you want him? Hopefully the answer is no

I'm with shiny on this. Start preparing for what, sadly, seems inevitable. I think that some people are really drawn to high-drama relationships and it sounds like the ex has rekindled this. Both of their behaviour is desperately immature - out until extremely late and refusing to properly engage with the reality which is that 3 children are at the centre of this. The best you can do is protect your children . . . And maybe be relieved that you find out your husband's weakest points now rather than years down the line

Ive got to say no i dont not now all my trust has totally gone

From what you say, he pursued her regarding the parentage of the child because someone said it looks like him, now they are out together all time of the day and night, so he can "see his son".

What's wrong with the legal avenues? Asking for a DNA test and then agreeing visitation, perhaps assisted at first and working from there.

Why did he go running after this woman at a time you needed emotional and physical support from him?

This man is unresolved and does not appreciate his family unit. You and your twins are better off without him. You deserve someone who will love and care for you, who will be there for you when he need him. Not someone insists you have a termination and then buggers off with another woman to play happy parents while you go through the emotional turmoil of miscarrying.

Get rid of him, quick.

She doesnt want you involved, but yet she has gone from not wanting the father involved, to now being with the father every night of the week till midnight. What on earth must the poor kid be thinking.

Someone is playing you for a fool love. :(

You tell him that if he wants to see his child fine, but he does it in the day time, once a week, with you present. He has a family with you and they must be included from the start. It would be different if he already knew this child before he met you and had a relationship with him, but he cant suddenly neglect his own kids, who HAVE known him all their short life, to be with his ex, and a child he had never met until 3 weeks ago.

He says he wants me involved but it her that wont allow it, he says ge us spending all this time with them as he believes he will be able to have him on his own sooner, and his words . Get rid of her!

To be honest, in my opinion, I don't think for a few weeks the OP or their children should be introduced to the child. It will be confusing enough for the child to learn about his father and to be thrown into building a relationship with him, nevermind an additional 3 more strangers.

But, your DH is still a twunt and an arse for how he is going about this.

If that was true, he did not need to stay out past the kids bed time. He would be a responsible parent, spend time with the child in the day, and ensure the child gets home and to bed safely, and then return to his own family!

No, the more time he spends with her and his son will not equate to him having his son on his own sooner. It will only mean that she learns how much he is prepared to ignore/hurt his own family unit to do as she says. Just as he is learning just how much shit you will take from him. And it's a whole lotta crap from where I'm sitting.

Ive had no problem with not being a part of his sons life like you say for the childs sake its the late night ignoring txts and calls that i cant stand

There is no way that he is doing any "bonding" with a child at midnight in the Trafford Centre. Is there any proof that the child is even with them??

Your so right retromom well he txt at 9.30 sayin there setting off and im still sat here so another lie. I have txt and rang but obviously ignored. think its time the suitcase comes out of the attic gets packed n left on the door step with the key in the back of the door so he cant get in

He has shown me pictures of them there but they cudve been took the first time they went and then maybe he hasnt been there the other times

I wouldnt make the effort to go and get a suitcase. You must have a couple of bin bags in the kitchen I expect. :)

Im off to pack his shit

Or maybe took hours before? Don't the pictures have a date and time on them?