AIBU to object to my MIL sleeping with my son?

[NotNiceWhenTired]

Before you get the wrong idea, my son is 3 mths old. But the issue is I don't agree with children sleeping in their parents bed (unless poorly and need a cuddle, but even then probably returned to their own bed afterwards), so why should it be different for MIL?
The background is that MIL already has a granddaughter. For the first couple of years of her life she lived with MIL, but since MIL's DD moved out with DG (then aged 2), DG has slept with MIL in her bed when MIL babysits.
DG has a suitable bed in the spare room, but MIL sends FIL to sleep there, so she can have DG in her bed. When I recently asked why she has DG sleep with her, she said 'oh, I think it started as we have a TV in our room', and didn't add anything further. And when I said 'what a shame about FIL being sent to the other room', she said he didn't mind. Its very clear that she wants DG there as she wants to be close to her.
Thats fine for them, but recently, she said to my DS 'soon nanny will get to babysit you and you can come sleep in nanny's bed'.
I won't be having my DS sleep in our bed, as I think children should have their own bed and don't want bad habits to set in, so I don't see why it should be different for MIL.
At the moment its easy for me to say my DS is too young, making it dangerous, especially as MIL smokes, but she says she is giving up and I imagine she will expect my DS to stay in her bed when he is past the danger stage.
Am i the only one to think this is weird and wrong, especially without asking me? Or should I just chill out and let nanny do what she wants as it wouldn't be very often.

and why is it weird?

I think YANBU

Apologies to usualsuspect but 'your child your rules'

Sarcalogos, u may be right about my views on the co-sleeping, as this has split the answers. Its just a personal view. That aside, surely MIL should consider my views?
I don't actually want MIL to babysit overnight as i am an older mum who is loving being with her son and has no need for a babysitter but MIL has been on about it since before DS was born. I have recently explained that i don't have the need for a babysitter but she told my DH that she thinks i think she's not good enough, which is not the case at all. I suspect that eventually I shall have to give in to keep the peace, especially as DH is always keen to please her.
She is a lovely person but I don't understand why the children can't sleep in their own bed. I think that is the issue, we have different views on it, which is why I wanted to see what others thought.

Disappearing - I love your story. Made me laugh! Nearly woke DH lying next to me!

A grandmother is not just any old family member.

Smoker? No flipping way. But I'm not a believer in bad habits setting in. After 4 months of sleeping regularly in my bed, my baby has started sleeping through the night in his. But the smoking thing is a big issue.

YANBU. I co-slept with my dd (still do sometimes) but if you don't want this for your DS, that's your call. There is nothing remotely weird about it, but it isn't appropriate for your MIL to suggest this without consulting you first.

Oh, and if she is a smoker, I wouldn't be happy about it either.

It is NOT your child your rules. Your child has relationships with lots of people who aren't you. They are important relationships. So let them happen.

YANBU. I am a co-sleeper so may be coming at this from a different angle from you but what you have described is not considered particularly safe and she should take your views into account.

The 'weird' reference was in relation to her throwing her husband out of their bed for him to sleep in the spare bed instead of the child. I wouldn't do this to my husband.

YANBU- I wouldn't be comfortable with this either. Why is she so desperate to have him sleeping in bed with her to the point where she has mapped it out before he was even born? If he is poorly or has a nightmare and is scared and wants comfort for a while until he goes back to sleep fair enough, otherwise there is no need for him to sleep with her. I may be way off but I detect some under lying stuff here, do you normally get on ok with her?

Yanbu I wouldn't have co slept with ds3 even if I wanted to (which I didn't) as he was prem.

I did have to go into hospital though when he was 6 months old and later found out mil had been co sleeping with him. I wasn't very happy about it.

My child sleeps in bed with me as i think it is safer for him but if you don't want him to sleep in her bed then don't let them, If my DM (or anyone else) wasn't going to look after my DS the way I wanted then he wouldn't go.

I have to agree with usualsuspect i have co slept with all of my grandchildren too. And i have to say i have great relationships with them all now they are teenagers.Neither my son or dd had any objections to this.

Mummylin, that's the point your son and DD didn't have any objections and everyone is happy in your situation but the OP isn't comfortable with it so it shouldn't happen in hers.

Not weird at all, but then I have a dd either side of me at the moment. Not a good idea to co-sleep if you're a smoker or don't know how to do it safely. Otherwise it's not a big deal.

Are you ever going to let her have him overnight? I'm not talking about while your ds is still a baby, I mean when he's older, 3 or 4? For your OP it doesn't sound like she's expecting to have him yet anyway.

You are certainly not BU!

Your child, your rules. If you are not happy with co-sleeping for ANY reason then that's your call. As you say, you don't co-sleep yourself.

Especially as MIL smokes. You need to be firm, and don'tlet him stay unless you believe she takes your concerns seriously.

Co-sleeping is a personal choice and it's up to you and DH to decide if it will happen, not MIL.

YANBU

Yanbu I co-sleep with dd now she is older but she does also sleep in her own bed, at her age it's her choice (2.5). Any younger I wouldn't have done it as I'm overweight and DH smokes.

She should respect your way of raising your child, and sorry seeker until a child is old enough to make their own decision parental rules trump everything, that should be respected and have no impact on "important relationships".

My mother actually panics about having dd overnight in case she crawls in with her, she keeps saying that there isn't enough air for both of them in the room and why would she want to sleep with someone old

Yanbu, I wouldn't like it either.

I sleep with my baby but would never consider my MIL sleeping with him. Seems really odd unless you are really close and can agree on it. I wouldn't trust my MIL in with my kids anyway overnight.

Actually, have to say YABU on this one (as long as she has given up smoking before she has him).
We don't co-sleep with small child, and hope never to have to, but, children also need to learn that different rules can apply in different places. As long as yours understands that co-sleeping is 'only at Granny's' then what's the harm? My DM would be a big advocate of co-sleeping and, if small child does end up in her bed when she is babysitting, then that's fine.
It shouldn't affect the disciplines you apply at home and could open up a useful conversation in terms of boundaries / flexibility should your DC ask the question.

Once again a thread makes me hope that my son never marries....