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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for contribution to bills?

125 replies

lou2321 · 17/05/2012 13:47

SIL, her partner and my DN are coming to stay with us for up to a month as they are having work done on the house.

I am mainly ok with it, didn't really have much choice as she said they were having the bathroom done so I am thinking a week tops so originally said that was fine but it turns out there is a lot more being done so could take a lot longer.

We are really close so other than the fact it is bad timing and the fact I am mildly pissed off they booked the work in before asking it really is fine that they will be here. They have stayed for 3 weeks before and said they were happy to contribute £20 a week but she asked her cleaners to come round to mine instead of theirs as she had forgotten to cancel them then deducted the £40 to pay them off the £60 she was going to give me for the 3 weeks so I need to establish the 'rules'. My DH is no help as says just tell her what she needs to pay.

WIBU to ask for a contribution to the electric/gas etc as there will be an additional 3 people in the house and if it is reasonable how much would you ask for.

OP posts:
IAmNotACowbag · 17/05/2012 13:52

YANBU.

I don't know how much to charge though.

Beamur · 17/05/2012 13:53

Presumably they will be buying their own food/contributing to that cost?
Will the cleaner be part of the package again?
I don't know how much your bills are - so, did you think £20 covered it?
To answer your question, as it's for quite a long time, I don't think it is unreasonable to ask them to contribute towards the cost of them staying there. But as you get on well, and presumably the favour could be returned if needed, if £20 covers it - then that seems to be an amount she is happy to pay too, I'd suggest something along those lines.

GiserableMitt · 17/05/2012 13:58

Yes, they should pay their way. they would incur costs in their own house so they can help the costs in yours.

Am I reading it right that they will have their cleaner come to your house and make you pay for the privilege? If so, that's not on unless you agree to it otherwise I would be telling her I don't want a cleaner.

Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 14:00

We have our own cleaner now so that won't be an issue.

I will have to say they will need to pay towards/buy their own food as that seem to get forgotten about last time, which is not a massive deal as they are family but obviously it could nearly double our food bill (her DP did not stay last time).

I am sure £20 doesn't really cover it but I am not sure it is fair to charge more as they are family and they are still having to pay their bills even whilst they are not there.

Maybe I should have asked if £20 sounds reasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 14:03

With regards to the cleaner, she did ask me first last time but she just said she had forgotten to cancel them so I presumed she would just pay for this like she normally would and not charge me for it. I was too embarrassed to say anything afterwards (silly I know).

She is not tight or anything but just doesn't think, like for instance she will borrow my car and then give me a fiver for petrol for a 60 mile trip without actually thinking how much it would really cost.

OP posts:
hattifattner · 17/05/2012 14:05

Id tell her you were out of pocket last time she stayed, having had to pay for her cleaner to clean up her mess! and that they can pay you £100 for staying for the month, which should cover the electricity, gas, washing machine, extra water and general "stuff" that will get used - like washing up liqued, loo rolls, soap, ketchup - the little incidentals and store cupboard essesntials that will get used up at twice the speed. Food - they need to buy their own.

Id also lay down a few ground rules - like their family should cook alternate meals, she should do their own laundry/washing up etc. That all household cleaning tasks will be shared - and if she wants her cleaner in, then you will not be paying for that.

Id also insist that you all spend at least one day a week away from eachother, or you will end up strangling them by the end of the month! Maybe suggest that SUndays are your family day, and you would like them out of the house by 9:30am and not back before 7pm or somesuch rule.

Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 14:09

Thanks Hattifattner that sounds like great advice.

I feel like last time I was very casual about it and then was walked all over, I have told her I need to discuss it with her first but was a bit undecided on what I was actually going to say to her.

OP posts:
CheeseandPickledOnion · 17/05/2012 14:57

Can you feed 3 people for a week on £20? The answer is no. So I think you can charge more. I would say £50-60 is reasonable.

AgentProvocateur · 17/05/2012 15:03

This is your SIL, partner and your niece (or nephew) who you say you are "really close to". Personally, I can't imagine a situation where I would charge close friends or family to stay with me.

ENormaSnob · 17/05/2012 15:14

She sounds tighter than cramp IMO.

I can't imagine staying anywhere for a month without contributing to the costs.

Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 16:20

Agent - would you not offer to contribute in some way if you were staying with close family for a month to avoid having to pay for a hotel or alternative accommodation?

I understand what you are saying but what if we can't afford to foot the bill for them for a whole month?

OP posts:
IAmNotACowbag · 17/05/2012 16:24

Hahahahahahahahaha @not charging!

I have a good friend as a lodger, who at first I didn't mind covering odds and ends for, but quickly realised she was taking advantage and the piss. Still does sometimes.

It's amazing how murderous you can feel over someone stealing all the good yoghurts that I PAID FOR every time leaving you with the mingy ones.

Or using 20 tonnes more bog roll than anyone else on the entire planet, or constantly having heating on for no reason making the bill shoot through the roof...

bamboostalks · 17/05/2012 16:26

You aure she is not tight? Pretty stingy docking you £40 for her cleaner. Who does that to a sister?

VolvoMo · 17/05/2012 16:28

No charge, just let her know that she'll be taking you out for dinner (or drinks) once a week while she's there! It's a win-win Wink

Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 16:28

I do feel a bit better now as I kind of expected everyone to say that IAU as it is family and I definitely shouldn't charge.

I am a bit of a walkover with friends and my in-laws (not so much my own family as I feel I can say what I like to them).

We stayed with my parents for a while and they wouldn't charge us at all as they were happy to have the GC staying with them but we bought them a takeaway each week and bought lots of shopping/food etc, then took them out for a meal to say thank you at the end.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 17/05/2012 16:29

Yes, of course I'd contribute if I was staying with someone for a month, and I'd offer to buy the food and cook, for example. And in your case, I'd probably say something like, "Will we do a big shop online and split the costs?" I just can't imagine saying to someone, yes you can stay but I'm going to charge you £20 a week.

We lived overseas for a couple of years and had a constant stream of visitors - most of whom pulled their weight and offered to babysit and took us out for dinner. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to charge them.

Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 16:32

It does sound like she's tight but without being hugely offensive I think she is just a bit thick sometimes (that sounds awful doesn't it). She just said right I owe you £60 for the 3 weeks but I paid £40 for the cleaner to come round so here's the £20. I was gobsmacked so just let it go.

I would try the taking us out to dinner but as there are 4 of us then it would amount to a lot more than £20ish a week, more like £50.

OP posts:
WhoremoaneeGrainger · 17/05/2012 16:34

I definitely think you should charge - 3 weeks is a long time for someone else to be living in your house, treating it as their home, and not just somewhere to sleep when you're on holiday.

I think £50 a week is more than reasonable, especially if you are feeding them three meals a day, seven days a week. In fact i think they should be paying half the food as well as say £35 a week. They will be using your heat , light, hot water, there will be extra laundry involved, as well as more power being used for things like computers, music systems, phone charging, tv etc.

And you have the added inconvenience of not being able to walk around naked if you want to Grin

Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 16:35

If they were visitors I most definitely wouldn't charge them at all but a month is a long time and they have asked to stay, they will be adding an awful lot onto our general bills so I wasn't asking for a charge to make any money - just to cover what it costs us - £20 a week probably wouldn't actually cover it all I am guessing.

If I thought she would more than contribute to food/loo rolls etc then I guess I wouldn't ask for anything as I know she would pay her way but she just doesn't seem to think about it.

I do see what you are saying Agent and probably would agree with you in most circumstances although I would never want someone to be out of pocket if they were doing me a massive favour.

OP posts:
Original poster
lou2321 · 17/05/2012 16:38

Yes its the 'not walking round naked' that I will struggle with the most Grin

It is likely to be at least 4 weeks knowing the builder that is doing the work so I guess I just wanted clear ground rules this time.

OP posts:
IAmNotACowbag · 17/05/2012 16:52

Agent It's different having visitors to having live in house guests I think.

I am aware I am coloured by living with a person who has taken advantage and doesn't even realise how much they take the piss. Ooo it's making me annoyed thinking about her, I could bore you all senseless with all the tiny annoying things she does, like flushing the loo with the seat up (gross), standing over me while I try and cook/cooking whilst I am (we don't have space for this sort of caper). Leaving two carefully draped sheets on the bog roll and not placing a new one nearby/replacing the old one ever, leaving clean washing up over every surface because she hates putting it away despite the fact it's further to walk and more effort to drape it around the place. Her room stinks, and I mean stinks of I don't know what. The snidey judgements if I go on a night out and have a hangover. The sulking. The whinging (I know I know).

porcamiseria · 17/05/2012 16:53

what agent said! they are family. and I am sure they will contribute, but to be stressing and procrastinating seems a bit...tight?

Calabria · 17/05/2012 16:55

I put a friend up for three months when she was flooded out of her house. Her insurance company paid me £70 per week, which was raised to £100 per week when she told them I was driving her to and from her house two or three times a week (only a 20 mile round trip).

I think £20 a week for three people is stingy in the extreme, even if they are buying their own food. They are still using your utilities and not theirs.

TheSecondComing · 17/05/2012 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmNotACowbag · 17/05/2012 16:59

Heating IS NOT the same price!!!! You'll use WAAAY more electric & gas with extra guests.

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