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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for contribution to bills?

125 replies

lou2321 · 17/05/2012 13:47

SIL, her partner and my DN are coming to stay with us for up to a month as they are having work done on the house.

I am mainly ok with it, didn't really have much choice as she said they were having the bathroom done so I am thinking a week tops so originally said that was fine but it turns out there is a lot more being done so could take a lot longer.

We are really close so other than the fact it is bad timing and the fact I am mildly pissed off they booked the work in before asking it really is fine that they will be here. They have stayed for 3 weeks before and said they were happy to contribute £20 a week but she asked her cleaners to come round to mine instead of theirs as she had forgotten to cancel them then deducted the £40 to pay them off the £60 she was going to give me for the 3 weeks so I need to establish the 'rules'. My DH is no help as says just tell her what she needs to pay.

WIBU to ask for a contribution to the electric/gas etc as there will be an additional 3 people in the house and if it is reasonable how much would you ask for.

OP posts:

wheredidiputit · 23/05/2012 14:47

They are taking the piss big time and sorry to say so is your husband.

He knows you are going to be stressed because of your exams he should be doing everything to help you.

You need to put your foot down with a firm hand with your SIL. She needs to clear up her mess, if she doesnt then tell her to clear up. She needs to pay her way. You have told her what you expected from and she isn't doing it. Remind what was agreed and the 4wk time limit.

Original poster

lou2321 · 23/05/2012 15:07

TBF DH has been helping loads but leaves earlier/gets home later than me so isn't there to clear up breakfast or to clear up after tea. He is doing all the ironing and bed times when he is home in time but I do think he is more laid back than me so maybe it doesn't bother him as much as me. It is bad timing as he has just started a new job as was made redundant so he can't even come home on time etc at the moment.

It is frustrating as usually he is very supportive but he is suffering from depression and I don't think he realises that he is not supporting as much as he could.

I will make sure he is the one to speak to them though!

I am having a peaceful day today at home studying with MN at regular intervals to keep me sane from exam stress!

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 23/05/2012 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

lou2321 · 23/05/2012 15:17

I know, the real issue here is me putting the shoes on the bed - WTF am I moaning about the rest of the stuff for??!!

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 23/05/2012 15:28

Well, the lesson to learn is that if you keep your shoes laying around other peoples hallways causing clutter, they may (rightly) end up in your bed.

Original poster

lou2321 · 23/05/2012 15:58

Next time I will definitely put them IN the bed! She did the same thing in the evening so I'm guessing the lesson did not actually work!

OP posts:

busybean · 23/05/2012 16:02

Id be tempted to say £50 plus that they pay half the weekly shop, that sounds alot more reasonable bearing in mind were talking about nearly a month.

BiddyPop · 23/05/2012 16:06

A more forceful request to please keep your own clutter in your own rooms may be needed. And really, how much worse than putting your smelly feet in the bed is putting your shoes on top of it? I presume they weren't covered in dog poo or anything (especially as the bed is presumably the OP's own and she won't want THAT covered in muck and dirt anymore than the rest of the house)?!

QuintessentialShadows · 23/05/2012 16:16

You need to talk to her.

Original poster

lou2321 · 23/05/2012 16:20

They were clean and yes its my bed and my bedding! I think thats why I made a comment back to her and also I really couldn't understand her comment about her 'thing' about shoes on beds when she's happy to not hoover or clean the bathroom for a fortnight (that is true - I am not exaggerating!).

I'd understand new shoes on tables though

OP posts:

FridayOLeary · 23/05/2012 16:25

Are you cooking for them as well?

Original poster

lou2321 · 23/05/2012 16:28

Luckily I'm not, I did last time but so far we have all eaten at different times due to the kids having lots of after school stuff going on and SIL works at funny times.

OP posts:

Lueji · 23/05/2012 16:32

I'd store the shoes somewhere and let them ask you for them...

TBH, I wouldn't charge family for staying, but I would be annoyed (i.e. less likely to let them stay next time) if they didn't even offer to pay for supermarket shop.

So, at next shop, if they don't pay (or provide somewhat equivalent contribution), I'd start giving hints of how costly everything is.

As well as giving hints about how I'd make sure to help out and keep all my possessions tidy when staying as a guest.

FridayOLeary · 23/05/2012 16:44

So are they cooking your food?

helenthemadex · 23/05/2012 18:50

£20 is taking advantage and downright mean.

I would not expect payment in cash for helping family out, but I would expect a contribution for food, it is not a short week long visit but a month probably longer.

I would do an online shop, before you pay for it say how much it is and ask if they are happy to pay half, its not unreasonable to ask in this type of situation.

If you do not say anything you are going to get more annoyed about the whole thing and it could potentially damage your relationship

good luck with your exams, have you considered staying in their house so you can study in peace, probably quieter and less stressful

myBOYSareBONKERS · 23/05/2012 21:01

Not quite sure why you were so shocked that they might be there for 6 weeks. I asked what you would do when it all over ran right at the beginning.

Adversecamber · 23/05/2012 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

lou2321 · 23/05/2012 21:24

myBOYSareBONKERS I guess I am not so bothered about that fact it may run over as much as the fact it has always been 4-6 weeks in their eyes but they asked us to stay for 2-4 weeks.

OP posts:

Original poster

lou2321 · 23/05/2012 21:25

No they are not cooking for us either. I would be happy with them not doing that as well but if it was me I would probably treat everyone to a takeaway each week etc as a thank you.

OP posts:

ifeelloved · 23/05/2012 21:40

You need to be clear with them. Give them jobs to do, all of them. Explain that the only way that this is going to work is that everyone does their bit. Ask them what night they're taking their turn at cooking. Remind them that this is not a hotel, that they all need to clear up after themselves.

If you don't resentment will build up and will ruin a good relationship.

You have to stop thinking about what you would do, personally I agree with you and I would do the same, however you know from experience that this isn't going to happen so stop concentrating on that and think about how you can make this work for you all.

I get why you put the shoes on the bed, but you shouldn't be doing this (don't give a shit about the bed!) you shouldn't be picking up after hem at all!! Remind them each day to put stuff away.

inabeautifulplace · 23/05/2012 22:24

One really easy way to do it would just be to collect all the receipts from the supermarket, add it all up then ask for half at the end of their stay. If they mention money at any point just throw that out as a solution.

HipHopOpotomus · 24/05/2012 12:49

is money really tight for them or are they just thoughtless &/or mean?

Original poster

lou2321 · 24/05/2012 14:02

Thanks all, I feel a bit more confident to talk to them with all your suggestions.

They are not skint at all but also they are not mean - just thoughtless!

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 24/05/2012 14:21

I wouldn't charge them but I'd suggest they took us out for a pub meal or something.

MrsKwazii · 31/05/2012 22:29

How's it all going OP?

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