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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP *not* to smoke weed on sex night?

138 replies

blapbird · 12/05/2012 21:48

We very rarely have sex these days because he works nights, I work days as well as study and when he does get time off (ie today) I come home from work all excited to spend a lovely evening together and he has been to his mates house and is quite stoned so therefore lethargic and unable to connect with me because I am not Sad
AIBU to have had a bit of a go at him about this? I feel like I've burst his bubble on his one bit of leisure time, but Im starting to worry about the lack of sex
AIBU?
TIA

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 23:42

Yes of course I can AnyFucker but as I was quoting you, the first line of my post was to you....the rest was to the OP.

Sorry if I didn't make that obvious.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:46

it was quite obvious, the reason behind it is a little more murky however

address the OP, this is her thread

anything else looks a bit weird, tbh

Olympia2012 · 12/05/2012 23:46

Erm, yes, drug use does make him a bad person.

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 23:49

address the OP, this is her thread

As always I'll do exactly as I please

And if you think quoting/talking to people other than the OP of a thread looks a bit weird, I'd say public forums are probably not the place for you.

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:50

Smoking weed does not make people bad. That's quite simply a fact.

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:51

And you've been doing plenty of it yourself anyfucker

Original poster
blapbird · 12/05/2012 23:51

No, he is not a bad person at all he is a very very good person it's just I've been going through a series of chats with him and I thought that we had both agreed that we needed to spend more special time together sans lap top etc, I was just dissapointed that I was on my own in actually practising what we'd agreed.
Ive started to feel like we are just friends living in a house. Sad

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:52

what a renegade you are, WL

Olympia2012 · 12/05/2012 23:52

Makes them positively saintly.... Not!! Weed smokers are just Jeremy Kyle fodder..losers.

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:53

That's a shame blapbird you should have a chat to him tomorrow. He shouldn't have gone to his mates though. I'm sure he's not a bad person! He's just been very thoughtless.

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 23:54

It can do though Fanjo...just as drinking alcohol can.

The clue (I think) is in the frequency and the smoker/drinkers priorities.

Clearly this time, the OP's DP has his priorities all wrong.

They'd planned a night together and he got stoned and let her down.

Just as wrong imo as if he'd got drunk and let her down.

The 'debate' on his choice of high is neither here nor there to the OP in my opinion.

Olympia2012 · 12/05/2012 23:54

Just friends living in a house, and yet you say he is a very very good person..... He makes you feel like that and he is 'good'?

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:56

Couples have difficulties. Fact. Everyone who smokes weed is not Jeremy Kyle fodder. That's just very silly.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:58

OP, are you planning on having dc's with this weed-smoker ?

Olympia2012 · 12/05/2012 23:59

Weed/alcohol.....alcohol is legal

PickledFanjoCat · 13/05/2012 00:00

Agree worra wether he was drunk has smoked weed or even spent the night in maccy ds eating a burger, she's been let down and that's what important here. .

Original poster
blapbird · 13/05/2012 00:01

Just because I place sex higher on the agenda than him doesn't make him a bastard, but it would be false to say that it wasn't problematic at times, I just feel like the reasons for the lack of sex are out of our control but tonight he purposely did something, which was detrimental to what I thought was a joint aim. (To get things back on track)

I don't really need any advice about whether weed is for good or bad people I try not to judge, everyone has their 'thing' I don't like it myself but people can do what they like. It just so happens that tonight I wasn't his top priority and that's not a nice feeling.

OP posts:
PickledFanjoCat · 13/05/2012 00:01

I'd rather have dc with someone who smoked weed once ever three months than one who got pissed four times a week.

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2012 00:03

That's ok then Olympia

I'll tell my 20yr old Niece who has battled her Dad's alcoholism for him and with him that alcohol is legal Hmm

I'm sure she would have swapped his alcoholism for an occasional illegal spliff at the drop of a hat if it meant he didn't have her put into care 2 weeks after my sister died because he wasn't coping well with his legal addiction.

Original poster
blapbird · 13/05/2012 00:03

AF he isn't doing too well in his 'dad interview' I wont be having dcs with anyone for at least 3 years any way. The dad trials are more rigorous than The Apprentice Wink

OP posts:
PickledFanjoCat · 13/05/2012 00:04

What's involved in the dad interview? Sounds good!

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 00:06

Really, blapbird ?

But you are not content with how he treats you, so why is he still there ?

The measure of a father is how he treats the mother of his children

PickledFanjoCat · 13/05/2012 00:07

Aaaaaargh!

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2012 00:08

blapbird I hope you two can work this out together

Perhaps tonight was just an accidental thing...you know like when you intend to go out for one drink and end up meeting friends and getting pissed.

Then you realise it was a totally stupid thing to do because you had fully intended not to.

But even if it was, let's remember he's a grown man in a relationship that you'd both decided needed extra attention.

I hope for both your sakes he pulls his socks up now...realises what he did was unacceptable and makes it up to you.

You can only do so much on your own to improve a relationship, but it really does take two to tango.

Good luck to both of you.

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 00:08

I am guessing you are quite young, no dc's, no ties etc

you are aiming quite low, really

already you are accepting being prioritised below smoking weed with his mates and not being able to get it up when it really mattered

on The Apprentice he would have been fired for being a bit useless

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