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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP *not* to smoke weed on sex night?

138 replies

blapbird · 12/05/2012 21:48

We very rarely have sex these days because he works nights, I work days as well as study and when he does get time off (ie today) I come home from work all excited to spend a lovely evening together and he has been to his mates house and is quite stoned so therefore lethargic and unable to connect with me because I am not Sad
AIBU to have had a bit of a go at him about this? I feel like I've burst his bubble on his one bit of leisure time, but Im starting to worry about the lack of sex
AIBU?
TIA

OP posts:
lovesteaandcake · 12/05/2012 22:39

YANBU. I speak from my own experience of living with DP who has a serious problem with weed, & I know how angry it makes me. It's a tough one, because you don't want to stop him being with his mates, especially if it is only occasionally, but when you don't participate (like me) you feel really let down.
Maybe just discuss it with him & tell him how it's made you feel.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 12/05/2012 22:41

Rainy there are illegal drugs and then
There are illegal drugs.

Fact .... Tobacco and alcohol are bigger killers than weed.

It's the tobacco in a ' joint ' which makes is the most harmful thing - not the weed.

Unless you smoke through a bong ,which means you are FAR more likely to go on to try other harder drugs.

The evidence for this is the Alcohol and Drug course I completed for the NHS
( before anybody a) tells me I'm talking crap and b) before they ask for the evidence! )

Vast majority of people that try weed go on to use nothing else.

rainydaysarebad · 12/05/2012 22:42

blapbird, I still suffer from a sore perenium from childbirth, but believe me they're hoiked up as far as I can bear itWink.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 22:43

yanbu

if it wasn't weed, you would be pissed off

he prioritised time with his mates (could be booze, could be card games, could be gambling, could be porn, could be any number of things) over the precious short quality time he could spend with you

do you have dc? You don't mention it, and if you have I would wonder why that is

a stoner who neglects his partner is one thing...a stoner who by default neglects his family is quite another

so yes, my judgey pants are at half mast at the moment

druggies rarely make good partners and definitely crap fathers, btw

not sure why this one is any different, going off your description of him, tbh

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 12/05/2012 22:43

rainy have you ever had a partner that has had a pee outside ?

Cos that's illegal too you know ... And the evidence for that being my DH who knows his law.

rainydaysarebad · 12/05/2012 22:44

Nanny, there is a reason it's illegal. I know people who smoked weed in their youth who suffer from anxiety, OCD, paranoia...endless list. It's illegal for a reason.

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 22:46

You should try a spliff for that rainy! I don't like the stuff personally I have too say. Several of dps friends have a real problem with it.

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 22:46

If smoking weed instantly make someone a druggie then it makes anyone who drinks alcohol or smokes fags a druggie too.

So the next time someone comes home pissed or smelling of fags, lets call them druggies for the hell of it.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 22:51

speaking to the OP, if his drug use is creating problems in your relationship, then he has a problem with drugs

rainydaysarebad · 12/05/2012 22:52

Well considering weed is a class B drug, smoking it regularly does make you a druggie.

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 22:52

She said he occasionally does it, so bit of a massive jump there to druggies make bad fathers!

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 22:54

She hasn't even hinted at how often he smokes it?!?

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 22:54

druggies do make bad fathers

do you dispute that fact, pickled ?

Op can decide if her partner is a bad father

she hasn't even said if he is a father, as my previous post refers to

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 22:55

Oh yes she has (sorry)....it's never been something I have liked but he doesn't do it much

MsVestibule · 12/05/2012 22:56

Er, the issue isn't whether weed is good, bad or indifferent, but thanks for all the lectures from everybody.

The issue is that the OP and her DP had planned a romantic night in, she'd been looking forward to it and he's ruined it. I'd be pissed off too. OP, YANBU, retract your apology immediately!

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 22:57

Father or not

If he has the occasional smoke...which I take 'He doesn't do it much' to mean occasional.

He's no more a 'druggie' than someone who has the occasional drink.

Tryharder · 12/05/2012 22:57

YANBU. Why do you want to be with someone whose idea of a good way to spend their day off is by getting stoned at a mate's house. Boring and immature. Tell him to shape up.

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 22:58

You know perfectly well what I am saying the mans been round a friends who smokes weed, had a bit, gone home and narked off the op who fancied a bit of nookie, so now he is a druggie and a bad father! We are not talking in general terms here are we. Talking about this one specific gentleman. Unless there is more to this tale that's a fair bit of over exaggeration!

cakeismysaviour · 12/05/2012 22:58

Urgh, I hate weed. This is for many reasons, not least because those who smoke it absolutely reek afterwards. I couldn't tolerate DP smoking it, or indeed smoking at all because ordinary cigarettes make people reek as well. Not good.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:01

OP, do you have a good relationship with this man ?

or are you worried about your sex life and how he prioritises spending yours and his very precious spare time ?

would you have posted otherwise, if this was just an occasional smoke and he was otherwise an exemplary person ?

BlackholesAndRevelations · 12/05/2012 23:02

YANBU. if he was aware it was sex night your one chance to have some quality time together, he should have respected that by staying sober (is that the opposite of stoned?!)

Bloody men (just had my own bust up; he's downstairs on the sofa!)

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:02

I would expect a 17yo to spend an evening smoking weed with his mates instead of having a shagfest with his loving partner

not a grown man

that's about the length of it

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 23:04

Are any of us exemplary people? Confused

I'm not but don't tell my DH I admitted that

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:05

I am. I'm saintly!

Olympia2012 · 12/05/2012 23:06

He sounds a bit of a loser.... I mean, weed?? Yuk, find someone with a bit of respect, for both you and himself!