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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP *not* to smoke weed on sex night?

138 replies

blapbird · 12/05/2012 21:48

We very rarely have sex these days because he works nights, I work days as well as study and when he does get time off (ie today) I come home from work all excited to spend a lovely evening together and he has been to his mates house and is quite stoned so therefore lethargic and unable to connect with me because I am not Sad
AIBU to have had a bit of a go at him about this? I feel like I've burst his bubble on his one bit of leisure time, but Im starting to worry about the lack of sex
AIBU?
TIA

OP posts:
cakeismysaviour · 12/05/2012 23:07

Of course I am an exemplary person.!

We can expect my Nobel price nomination and sainthood any day now...

Grin
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/05/2012 23:08

Just want to point out that my ex smokes weed ocassionally, and he is a wonderful Father. Really really wonderful. You can't judge a whole person based on something they choose to do for a few hours once every couple of months when they are doing nothing that would concern anyone else.

cakeismysaviour · 12/05/2012 23:08

*prize

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 23:08

Nobel 'price'?

I'll bid £1.20 and an expired Pizza Express voucher Grin

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:09

How many times do you have to have sex in a week before your a sex addict? Be careful op!

cakeismysaviour · 12/05/2012 23:09
Grin
LapsedPacifist · 12/05/2012 23:09

So the next time someone comes home pissed or smelling of fags, lets call them druggies for the hell of it.

Welcome to Musmnet! Grin

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:13

OP, you are not in the wrong, despite some posters trying to make you feel like you are

I wonder why they would do that Confused

Sex addict for wanting a shag with your partner? Peed off because he can't get it up because of his drug use ? That is wrong ? Really ?

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:14

I've already told her she isn't in the wrong. As have 99% of other posters.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:18

then why are making piss-poor "jokes" about sex addiction ?

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 23:18

Seriously, the OP is not wrong because they had planned a sex night romantic night and he let her down big time.

But all the pearl clutching over being stoned is laughable...as is the OTT label of 'druggie'.

He let her down and that's not on...whether it was because he'd smoked a few spliffs or had a few drinks.

The product that gave him a high and the legalities of it are neither here nor there.

The fact is he let her down and he shouldn't have.

lovesteaandcake · 12/05/2012 23:21

Worraliberty - well said

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:21

Well if having an occasional spliff makes you a druggie then having the occasional shag must make you a sex addict if I'm following your logic that is.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:22

if OP was shagging at the detriment of her relationship, I might think you had a point

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:22

Which I'm not as it's clearly ludicrous

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:25

Well the op has yet to clarify if this is or is not a regular problem.

rainydaysarebad · 12/05/2012 23:25

The children, the children. Won't anyone think of the children?

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:27

I expect the message Op will take from this thread is that she is a nag, and boring, her pants are pulled too high and she needs to lighten up

occasional drug use is fine even if it pisses off your partner

good result

never mind that she feels second place...that is of no consequence at all

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:28

which is kinda sad, because according to her posts she had aready come to that conclusion

do any of you "liberal" posters ever wonder exactly what it is you are reinforcing ?

PickledFanjoCat · 12/05/2012 23:29

Have you actually read the thread? Where every single person but one earlier poster agreed that he was out of order and she should have a word? Or would you rather her think she is in an awful relationship and for the sake of one transgression? Yes he's been out of order, yes she is well within her rights to be annoyed.

Original poster
blapbird · 12/05/2012 23:30

we dont have children, he's not doing too well in his 'dad' interview Sad
He doesn't smoke regularly at all (once every couple of months)
I am more just hurt that he didn't think about how it would affect our evening.
maybe IABU to make him feel bad about having a laugh with his mates but IANBU for explaining to him why I was hurt. I can't force him to prioritise sex Sad

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:32

no, you can't force him to anything, OP

but you can, going by his actions, decide whether this is someone you want to be a parent with

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2012 23:36

I expect the message Op will take from this thread is that she is a nag, and boring, her pants are pulled too high and she needs to lighten up

Which is (sadly) marginally better than taking the message some people have labelled her occasional weed smoking partner a 'druggie' and a bad person.

OP YANBU at all

He should not have let you down if you had that sort of night planned...no matter what he ended up smoking/drinking/eating or anything else.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2012 23:39

can't you just speak to the OP directly, WL ?

VirgoGrr · 12/05/2012 23:40

Yanbu op. Weed smoking was a major contributory factor in the breakdown of our marriage.
The detachment from emotional connection and the effect it had on, erm, performance was really damaging to our sex life.
That and it was more important to him than me. Sad