To feel attacked>? re. To Childproof or not to Childproof.

[arrgghhhhhhh]

I was having a discussion with someone a mate, I cant fully remember how but got on to the subject of people who arent very safety concious. and how it bothers me even more now I have a child.

I spoke of an incident where a drink for my then 1 year old had a drink of his put on a high surface which I didnt know was not stable. my son had to grab the top to pull himself up to get the drink and the entire thing came off the wall and this also resulted in lighters , screws and an ashtray nearly missing his head. And that I was more in shock at the very near accident then the mess it had made.
I got a tirade of 'you shouldnt expect people to change their houses for you? you need to teach them not to touch?' its their house??

AIBU? to feel a bit attacked I wasnt complaining about the persons house just the lack of basic safety ? I'm very confused. this person does not have kids If thats any relevance.

YABU. You shouldn't expect others to change their houses for you.

When I used to meet up with women from my postnatal group when DD was a baby there was one woman who would take it upon herself to rearrange everyone's front rooms, moving ornaments, photo frames, and furniture.

well shes right, but should probably keep her opinions to herself a bit more.

It can't have been all that high if a 1 year old was able to reach it can it? How high exactly? Anyway YABU - pay attention yourself - that's your job as a parent.

YABU. In someone elses house you watch your LO like a hawk. You need to be 2 steps ahead all the time. Did you apologise for the damage?

YABU. It can't have been that high if your child could reach it anyway, so YOU hadn't put your hot drink somewhere safe.

You really can't moan about this person not childproofing their house to suit you if you then leave a hot drink in reach of your own child.

I wasnt talking about people putting ornaments away though, etc making someone change the appearance of their house.

It was a radiator cover that wasnt attached properly.
I Didn't know this if I had I'd have placed my childs drink on the coffee table.

It was his beaker of juice not a hot drink , he had a drink made for him placed their by somebody else.
when did I say hot drink?

I thought this might be a thread about people who refuse to childproof their own homes, but seeing as it wasn't even your house I think yabu. As a courtesy to my friends with young children I'll move things out of reach (most things are pretty much out of the way for my two) but I can't be expected to stress test each bit of furniture to ensure it'll support the weight of a toddler should they decide they'd like to climb it.

YANBU to feel attacked if she started ranting at you, but tbh it's our job as a parent to make sure our dcs are safe and you can't expect other people to second guess what toddlers will do, or where they can reach.

So you put a drink on a surface not designed for that purpose when there was one designed for that purpose available. Your child then pulled that surface over on himself. Yet it's all someone else's responsibility.

I wouldn't expect a radiator cover to stand up to a 1 yr old pulling themselves up with it

YA and YANBU - no, other people shouldn't have to child-proof, BUT if they know something isn't as stable (and it's not obvious that it's not stable) as it could be then they should really mention that you need to be careful.

Actually, yabu to put a drink on a radiator cover tbh.

Sorry but YABU. People can do whatever they like in their house, they are not obliged to child/dog/cat/or whatever proof just in case their visitors are not sufficiently vigilant of their charges.

I'll have to clarify my post again it seems.

Someone else filled my childs beaker with juice.
Someone else put the beaker on an unsafe surface, they knew this I didnt.
My child grabbed the top ledge to reach the drink.
The whole thing came off the wall.
An ashtray just missed his head, could have very easily killed him.

the drink was not hot, I did not put it anywhere.

Do the people you were visiting have kids? I would have had no idea that would be a problem before DD came along. Just didn't think on those terms.

what have you learned?

Never trust anyone else's judgement when it comes to the safety of your own child

Simple as that I'm afraid.

Apologies for thinking it was a hot drink. I must have assumed it was hot as you put the drink on a high surface.

YASBU though, it's not up to others to childproof their house if they don't need or want to.

YABU. Why should someone else childproof their house for your occasional visit? TBH, in the situation you had described, once I was sure the child was unhurt, I would be pretty livid at you for letting your child pull at my furniture to the extend that he ripped out something screwed to the wall! Why weren't you minding your child more closely?

you knew the drink was somewhere he couldn't reach it without grabbing at ledges and pulling. You should always assume that things aren't attached at the wall, most people don't bother. I don't and I have three children.

YANBU to feel a bit got at if your friend had a rant at you - sounds like she could have been more sensitive in how she disagreed with you.

It is a difference of opinion, take it on board, but don't take offence.

Maybe they didn't know your child would climb up their fittings?

Or maybe they thought you were there to supervise your child?

Or maybe they thought you would take the drink and hand it to them?

YABU to expect other people to change their homes on the off-chance that you might visit.

I don't have kids and very few of my friends do. As a result my house isn't even slightly childproof. If someone with kids visited me and I made their child a drink, I might unthinkingly put this drink in the same place where I normally put my own, ie on the DVD shelf - which is pretty wobbly and probably wouldn't withstand a 1YO using it to pull himself up. That would be an accident, and I would be deeply apologetic and it'd never happen again, but I wouldn't actually change the DVD shelf - I'd just not put a drink on it next time there was a child in the house.

So, I think YABslightlyU - the drink shouldn't have been on a radiator cover that wasn't solidly attached, but that is a really, really easy mistake to make, especially if you're childless because you just aren't used to thinking about these things! However, the radiator cover not being solidly attached isn't something you get to complain about.

exactly Goldrill - people without kids just wouldn't have thought about it at all - they can just reach the cup, they don't need a steading hand to stand on tiptoe to get at it like a one year old.

They were unreasonable to rant though. Everyone should have been sorry, and you should all move on having learned lessons about where to put drinks for little ones, and how vigilant you have to be when with your child in someone else's house

I'm thinking maybe the person I was talking to perhaps misunderstood/misheard me I thought no way could someone actually think its okay to leave lighters and screws etc around kids.

I was a smoker myself, I would never have left a lighter around someone elses child and if I had I would never have even dared blame the child/parent for my negligence.
I do think sometimes the 'well they shouldn't touch' has alot to answer for as a justification for deliberate negligence just irratates me sometimes.