To feel attacked>? re. To Childproof or not to Childproof.

[arrgghhhhhhh]

I was having a discussion with someone a mate, I cant fully remember how but got on to the subject of people who arent very safety concious. and how it bothers me even more now I have a child.

I spoke of an incident where a drink for my then 1 year old had a drink of his put on a high surface which I didnt know was not stable. my son had to grab the top to pull himself up to get the drink and the entire thing came off the wall and this also resulted in lighters , screws and an ashtray nearly missing his head. And that I was more in shock at the very near accident then the mess it had made.
I got a tirade of 'you shouldnt expect people to change their houses for you? you need to teach them not to touch?' its their house??

AIBU? to feel a bit attacked I wasnt complaining about the persons house just the lack of basic safety ? I'm very confused. this person does not have kids If thats any relevance.

I actually feel for you a bit OP, it sounds like you got a bit of a fright, I would have too if that happened to my child.
I think you probably are being a bit unreasonable as your child is your responsibility but I also don't think it's that unreasonable to expect others to take the safety of their guests, big and small, into account. Unfortunately if you expect people to have the same standards as you then you will probably be disappointed a lot.

rachel they did the ashtray and screws were put up high and they let the child's carer come in and care for it- thats about average for taking safety into account

Unfortunately if you expect people to have the same standards as you then you will probably be disappointed a lot.- Very true

I think OP has communication problems (sometimes prone to them myself). On this thread, irl, etc.

Yabu - your child, your responsibility. I know accidents can happen very quickly with children but frankly, why on earth did you even take your child to somewhere that sounds as grotty as this?

lisaro you're labelling this place grotty because they had some unfinished DIY and had an ashtray

Yep - doesn't sound a place for small children.

So, they put the drink on an unstable high up surface and then encouraged your child to get the drink down for themselves?

That is the moment you should have stepped in to get it down for your 1 year old, not let him pull up on the corner of it and pull the whole lot down.

Clearly if your hosts had thought that the radiator cover was unsafe or that your 1yr old would pull themselves up on it they wouldn't have put the drink on there in the first place.

Must have been a shock for you but YABU. Take it as a lesson learned and keep a closer eye on your lo in future.

judge much?

Op it sounds like you are most annoyed that the person who placed the cup on the shakey table did not think through the wisdom of this when a small child was involved, and you were probably very shocked at child's near miss with ash tray - reasonable I think.
Unreasonable in general to expect people to completely safety proof their home - but I don't think you were saying that.

So if some where is not child proofed it must be grotty?

YABU to have your small child indoors where people are smoking. Especially if they use very large ashtrays.

OP I read your post and i'm on your side, whenever i've had young children in my house i've always made allowances/moved dangerous stuff etc as I would be upset if a child was hurt because of me, and that was well before I had DS, parents cannot watch a child every single second.

I have a similar situation with PILs who expect DS to look but not touch and hes 8 months old FFS, they have tiny ornaments and various bit of crap everywhere in reach and a visit is exhausting stopping him from getting into everything and they wonder why I dont take him round more.

We can be unpopular and unreasonable together .

doesn't sound like a place for pfb children whose parents can't watch them properly, no.

Oh Al, (Can I call you Al? )

Was that sarcasm?

Wowzers. I had no idea that childless people are supposed to childproof their houses in case of visiting PFBs

Leaving ashtrays around children is grotty. However you choose to wrap it up, it's horrible. Everybody has different standards but I can't see how anybody would find that normal or acceptable.

thanks totally

maybe my safety standards are alot higher than most peoples , my sister has severe SN and is basically mentally a toddler but adult size and all my life has been sister proofed, even when children arent around I move dangerous things because its common sense I have noticed alot of people arent brought up the same way which isnt right but I cant expect it to change I suppose.

Also the area I'm studying/ did training in really opened my eyes to how the vast majority of children who are admitted to A & E are due to preventable household accidents, I think because I 've seen the 'I dont move dangerous things they shouldn't touch' mentality has alot to answer for I think it makes me irrationally angry.

the person did seem v. apologetic the ashtray didnt break but was still moaning DS was just stood there in shock as was I.

Was the ashtray full of ash and cigarettes?

I have empty ashtrays in my house. No-one smokes here though anymore.

Does that make my house grotty?

No, fair point, Petite. Point taken.

But most people without kids wouldn't think of the risk, because they've no experience of it.

And you still should have been watching your child better.

Wow, you just get worse. People aren't as anal as you and it "isn't right but you can't change it" ?

Pull your head out of your arse, mind your own kid, or stay home in your presumably bubble wrapped half empty home.

This person has had kids,

I was sat right next to him I was obviously not expecting something that is in its nature for security purposes to come flying off the wall, if that makes me a bad parent so be it.

I have 4 kids.

None have ever (that I can recall) been admitted to A & E for "preventable household accidents". Loads of A & E admissions, not for that.

Because I value basic safety ?

I'll ponder that CallmeAl in the mean time be a dear and grow up,