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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 09/05/2012 17:46

It's a marmite thing either you do or you don't want to find out, neither is wrong.

We have find out with all 4, paying privately for 2, 3 and 4 as the hospital wouldn't tell you.

We didn't have a preference but it's lively saying he or she and discussing names and buying pink or blue. Also nice when you have older DC to prepare them for a sister or brother.

And also we found out because we could

CremeEggThief · 09/05/2012 17:57

Curiosity, impatience and practical reasons. SO glad I did, as I was convinced I was having a DD and needed some time to get used to the idea of DS and get excited about him instead.

If I ever have another DC, I may or may not find out.

youarekidding · 09/05/2012 17:58

I found out because I was rushed into hospital with suspected early labour which turned out to be a kidney infection!

They scanned me and I asked what sex it was because onviously the illness was affecting DS and I felt if anything did go horribly wrong I wanted my baby to have an identity iyswim?

I do think if I had anymore I wouldn't find out though - unless there are risks again.

Glittertwins · 09/05/2012 17:59

We did as we knew they were twins so we could start thinking about names and other stuff. We were only definite about one being a girl, he was more of a surprise.

lockets · 09/05/2012 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 09/05/2012 18:10

The biggest shock surprise for me was being pregnant in the first place Grin. We had absolutely no wish to find out if we were having a DD or a DS - genuinely looked forward to finding out after the birth ......... actually it took a long time for me to find out as I had to have an EMCS; DH was not with me when I came round from the aneasthetic but had told the surgeon he wanted to break the news to me ............ I was so desperate to know that the surgeon then told me himself Grin.

I too prefer not to know what friends/family are having, I love the 'surprise announcement' - and yes, I know its not all about me.

zeeboo · 09/05/2012 18:13

I feel exactly the same about those who don't find out. I can't get my head around how you can have a child and be its mother and not know who it is! Mine were all named the day of the scan and then referred to by their names and had their possessions got ready for their arrival.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 09/05/2012 18:17

To help us think about the thing growing in there as a person. DH was having trouble connecting and it really really helped to say 'he' or 'she'. Second time around the same. Totally helped during the labour too, thinking about meeting my little ones and using their names.

kerala · 09/05/2012 18:18

I experienced extreme holier than thou attitudes from the not finding out brigade it was astonishing. i didn't realise this was an issue at all and merrily found out we having a girl. Little knowing that this was Wrong. My other pregnant friend and I met up with a work colleague who had just had a baby. "Have you found out the sex?" the colleague asks. I answer yes when my friend said no the work colleague started gushing "oh well done marvellous etc etc I was left in no doubt how very Wrong I was. When I told the midwife we had found out she said "I just didn't think you were that sort of person". Honestly the smuggery about this topic is weird.

HopeForTheBest · 09/05/2012 18:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

staranise · 09/05/2012 18:25

I've done both - found out for two pregnancies, didn't for another, for varying reasons. I can't say it made any difference to how I felt at the births or during the pregnancies but on balance I preferred finding out because I couldn't bear the endless speculating - by me and other people - when we didn't know.

I agree, that in the UK, people in general think there's something wrong with finding out. When I had DC1 in Spain, it was the exact opposite - everyone (including the medical staff) think it's really strange not to find out.

You can't win.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 09/05/2012 18:27

We found out because we had zero boys names, absolutely none that we could agree on. So we wanted to know in case we seriously had to do some thrashing out of names or could go with Matilda.

She was a DD, and although they couldn't be 100% certain, we took a gamble and didn't think of a boys name at all. A bit anxious if we have another child though and would probably find out again if we could.

bobbledunk · 09/05/2012 18:28

I found out as soon as I could, the suspense was killing me and I hated referring to the baby as 'it', knowing she was a she allowed us to refer to her as such. It felt more real seeing her body up on screen and knowing this was our little girl, it humanised her, she was a person in there, not just a bump.

freelancescientist · 09/05/2012 18:29

Wanted to know for DS because I'd had 2 miscarriages too early to know their gender, (and feel a bit sad even now not knowing more about those lost babies) so wanted to know him as much as I could as soon as possible, just in case I lost him too.
With DD (also conceived after 2 more miscarriages) the added reason of being able to tell DS he was having a baby sister as a fait accompli, rather than him being set on a brother and not getting one!

Meglet · 09/05/2012 18:44

Found out with DC2. It was probably more exciting knowing we were having a girl, what her name would be and what day she would be born (planned CS) than first time round. You still get a baby at the end of it which is jolly impressive.

Didn't decorate pink or buy pink clothes, she had her big brothers hand-me-downs.

She wasn pencilled in on the calendar weeks before she was whipped out Smile.

Annakin31 · 09/05/2012 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OxfordBags · 09/05/2012 18:53

Bunbaker, after years of trying and me being 40, that's why we couldn't wait to find out.

LingDiLong · 09/05/2012 18:54

Well I found out precisely because the sex WASN'T a big deal for any of my 3. I can't imagine finding out the sex being the whole big exciting part of the birth Confused. For me it was totally 'meeting' my baby for the first time - seeing them, holding them in my arms, getting to know them. It always tickles me this idea of 'spoiling the surprise', as if those of us who found out the sex are handed the baby only for us to yawn with boredom and put them straight down again saying 'whatever, I already knew it was a girl/boy'. I can't imagine any of my relatives being any more excited about the birth of my children, knowing they were a girl or a boy didn't matter one iota. And in fact, with my first they couldn't tell so when I gave birth I had that all important 'suprise' - can't say it was any more special than with my other 2 who's sex I knew.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 09/05/2012 18:55

I found out with my two.

I was too impatient with DD - I wanted to know everything there was to know.

I didn't want to know with DS but OH did, And guilted me into it because DS is his first child he said "It's not fair if i don't get to find out, You got to find out with L".

If we have anymore, I will be leaving it as a surprise.

Francagoestohollywood · 09/05/2012 19:09

I did because my moral fibre is soooooooooooooooo weak

featherbag · 09/05/2012 19:16

I didn't find out with DS (although I was so convinced he was a boy I don't think I would've believed the midwife if she'd told me it was a girl), but next pregnancy I will find out. I want to know for 2 reasons - firstly, I have loads of 'boy' stuff, so if we're blessed with a DD next I'll clear out the 'boy' stuff and buy loads of 'girl' stuff (we're only having the 2). Secondly, and most importantly, I felt totally totally not in control with DS's birth, which was 8 weeks early and the most terrifying experience of my life. Next time, I want every last tiny scrap of control I can get my hands on, from day one.

DawnOfTheDee · 09/05/2012 19:16

We found out. Found it really helped with 'bonding' with the bump and getting mentally prepared for when DD was actually born. I also have weak moral fibre

What annoyed me was the following conversations that happened on numerous occasions:

Other person: Did you find out what you're having?
Me: Yes, a girl!
Other person: Oh you ruined the surprise

Erm...nope...clearly if i don't think anything has been 'ruined' or I wouldn't have found out. And tbh it's not a surprise. It's a boy or a girl. If a purple squirrel lept out of there after 9 months that would be a surprise....Grin

VodkaJelly · 09/05/2012 19:17

I never knew what my babys were until they were born, and they are all sons. But, I asked at every scan what the sex was and I was fobbed off on all 3 of my children. I desperatly wanted to know the sex but was always told "Too hard to tell" or "Facing the wrong way"

Mosman · 09/05/2012 19:21

There were enough surprises in that delivery room, I wanted to know all the things that I could know in advance.

surroundedbyblondes · 09/05/2012 19:21

We didn't want to be talking about 'it' all the time. Quite standard where we lived at the time to find out due to frequent gyne visits & scans & we were happy to do so. Helped us to plan names also as we have mixed nationality family so not easy finding something suitable, knowing the sex meant we only had to find one shortlist, not two. With DD2 it helped us to prepare 2yo DD1 also.

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