Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'm too old for this passive-aggressive nonsense?

106 replies

PrincessTeacake · 08/05/2012 18:35

I've talked about this a bit on here before, so bear with me please!

I'm a sort-of unofficial mother figure for a group of girls. I joined the group because we're all into EGL fashion (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolita_fashion) and I ended up taking over it to a certain degree because a) the group is mostly teenagers who have the attention span of a gnat and b) because I work in childcare and it comes naturally to me. I had been a member of another similar group where the girls were older but I found them a bit stand-offish and rude so I left for the group I'm in now.

The fashion itself has a reputation for attracting and encouraging bitchiness within the ranks, and a lot of that comes from a certain anonymous message board which can get downright cruel. I had a confrontation with the girls of the older group because two of the younger girls from my group had their pictures posted there and I suspected the other group, because none of the international girls would have really cared enough to post them, it was a clear vendetta. Although they denied it, one girl said some really nasty things about the girls posted and another insinuated that because I was having a glass of wine on a Saturday night in my own house that I was an alcoholic and shouldn't be allowed work with children.

There's been a lot of tension since, the younger girls got posted again and the older group got the blame regardless of whether they did it or not. They said a few nasty things about me personally (which, to be fair, I'm old enough to brush off) and it's out of pure jealousy that our group is bigger and more relaxed than theirs. I also really yanked their chain lately by doing a successful stand-up set in my frills (they take the fashion deadly serious). Now we're at a standstill and I do keep seeing posts on the anon message board that are clearly from them, they can't even be subtle about it.

I just feel like I'm too old for this crap. I keep an eye on things because the younger girls are still very sensitive to this kind of thing, but I never say a bad word about the older girls, partially because it does nobody any good and partially because there's one girl in the older group I like and respect a lot who has begged me to keep a lid on any drama if I can. I encourage the younger girls not to bitch about the others too and we stay active, but it feels like so much work and I'd rather just be enjoying myself. To top it all off, I've had ongoing harassment from a person with a serious mental illness and she's trying to horn in on this drama too, but that's a whole other story.

Also, the girl who is ranking up most of the drama is near enough my age, she has a mortgage and a full-time job, surely she's too old for this crap too?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2012 18:41

You posted about this before, didn't you? It sounded nightmarish then! I think you should see this as an opportunity to model to the younger girls how to deal with bullying. Use it as a learning experience for them.

ImperialBlether · 08/05/2012 19:23

You are too old for that crap. It sounds like a really horrible way to spend your free time.

PrincessTeacake · 08/05/2012 19:54

There are good things about being involved with it though. The girls I stick with are great, they're teens any mother on here would be proud to have as daughters. I love my outfits, I love the compliments I get from strangers and the faces on little girls who think I'm a real princess. If it wasn't for those things I wouldn't bother.

The younger girls were furious when they found out about the second post (they never found out about the first, I buried it as soon as it happened) but I did encourage them to just laugh it off. They have done me proud.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/05/2012 19:55

What Imperial said

thebody · 08/05/2012 20:04

Gosh prefer adult company myself in my free time.

U can't be happy with all this shite ?it's like re living 4 th year seniors to me.

ImperialBlether · 08/05/2012 20:05

Sorry, you've just lost me where you say you like to be thought of as a real princess.

And, FWIW, I wouldn't have anything to do with something that calls itself Lolita fashion.

kittyandthefontanelles · 08/05/2012 20:09

Lolita fashion?

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2012 20:09

Imperial I just Googled 'Lolita' meaning and I'm stunned Shock

lo·li·ta/lōˈlētə/
Noun:
A sexually precocious young girl.

pre·co·cious/priˈkōSHəs/
Adjective:
(of a child) Having developed certain abilities or proclivities at an earlier age than usual.

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/05/2012 20:10

How old are you OP?
Because if you're over 15, yup your'e way too old for this.

kittyandthefontanelles · 08/05/2012 20:12

Exactly worra, disgraceful.

kittyandthefontanelles · 08/05/2012 20:13

Did you not know that, worra?

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2012 20:14

I heard the name before but really didn't know what it meant

I thought it was a common name for a prostitute...possibly because of a film or something Blush

lucyellensmumnamechange · 08/05/2012 20:15

Lolita fashion Hmm it sounds like somethin you should be complaining against, not encouraging, especially if you work in childcare FFS

ImperialBlether · 08/05/2012 20:16

Blimey, Worra, you're missing a huge cultural reference there!

That's what I thought, Lucy.

pictish · 08/05/2012 20:17

My apologies OP, but the reason this is happening is because you are involved in something you are most likely too old for.

lucyellensmumnamechange · 08/05/2012 20:18

To be fair, have just looked at your link and it wasn't what i expected. It originates in Japan, maybe something lost in translation,, i quite like it Blush

kittyandthefontanelles · 08/05/2012 20:18

Book by nabokov about a lodger who 'seduces' a twelve year old girl. Like I say, disgusting and disgraceful

tethersend · 08/05/2012 20:19

Lolita fashion is a predominantly Japanese fashion I think? <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&sa=N&biw=1281&bih=702&tbm=isch&tbnid=IlPWZvXhoQWh0M:&imgrefurl=theglittermagpie.blogspot.com/2011/02/lolita-fashion-sugar-and-spice-and-all.html&docid=2sHEV3fM9Lyc5M&imgurl=3.bp.blogspot.com/_0fBcKxoFhR4/TVEYcBzGlXI/AAAAAAAAAGo/01C9YQJ0vtc/s1600/sweet-lolita-girls.jpg&w=610&h=507&ei=anGpT9_sBOan4gSIvoGvCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=996&vpy=195&dur=625&hovh=205&hovw=246&tx=156&ty=131&sig=113776636163971440295&page=1&tbnh=154&tbnw=186&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0,i:88" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">This sort of thing.

I agree, I would be questioning the origins of such a fashion before following it slavishly.

claudedebussy · 08/05/2012 20:22

some people never grow up.

Lovetats · 08/05/2012 20:23

Why do you want to dress up like a doll?

HecateTrivia · 08/05/2012 20:24

The words 'Lolita fashion' gave me the heebie jeebies. But looking at your link, it isn't inappropriate clothing at all. It's actually quite modest. It's a creepy name though.

Perhaps you should leave a teenage board to teenagers and connect with people your own age who share your interest in this?

Or set up your own board, so you can control who is part of it and what can be posted?

But yes. You're too old. I am 38 and I would rather stick pins in my eyes than have my social group consist of teenagers.

KateSpade · 08/05/2012 20:27

Please don't blame the fashion style for the bitchyness, I'm in the fashion industry & it's not bitchy at all. It's because their young!

kittyandthefontanelles · 08/05/2012 21:14

OP- what does EGL mean?

LtEveDallas · 08/05/2012 21:25

Kitty, Elegant gothic Lolita (just googled!!)

Actually looks quite tame, and a darn sight nicer than the hot pants/tights combo currently doing the rounds here.

kittyandthefontanelles · 08/05/2012 21:32

Thanks LtEve. But why Lolita if its not meant to signify sexualized children? Why use that name? It has such strong connotations.