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AIBU?

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Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:
wheremommagone · 07/05/2012 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 07/05/2012 11:58

Selyna - Why pathetic? I don't like the idea of men using women's toilets, but I don't think thats pathetic

2shoes · 07/05/2012 11:59

well as I say if you want to use the disabled toilets then have the disability too,
having a small child is not a disability

samandi · 07/05/2012 11:59

Yes, we already have women with boys in women's loos. Small girls can go with dad into the men's. Providing there are cubicles, obviously.

NarkedPuffin · 07/05/2012 12:00

I don't understand why he can't take them into the Gents?

Fairenuff · 07/05/2012 12:00

As I understand it, most disabled toilets are adapted for suitability so that everyone can access them. They are not meant to be just for people with a disability. They are inclusive.

Obviously, if a person cannot use the regular toilets due to difficulty accessing them, etc. they would have priority over the use of the disabled toilets. If there were a queue, they would go straight to the front.

But if there were a queue of disabled people, they would have to wait their turn.

OP if I were your dh I would use the mens toilets and make sure to clean the child thoroughly after with soap, wipes or bacterial hand wash. Usually it only takes a couple of minutes, you can hussle them in and out of there quite quickly.

Notthefullshilling · 07/05/2012 12:00

Worra you may be the fastest changer in the west I have no idea, if you are I would suggest you think about starting a buissness teaching others good money to be made I think. My experience and from the sounds I can hear through the door, very many parents less well organised than you. That is my problem not you or people as fast as you, well actualy the generic you is the problem as you are in there when you should be elsewhere.

kittyandthefontanelles · 07/05/2012 12:00

Perhaps there should be children's facilities specifically for little ones with smaller toilets and lower sinks where it would be acceptable for both parents to assist. Niche in the market?

2shoes · 07/05/2012 12:00

wheremommagone Imo
no, unless you are disabled, you shouldn't use them

TalHotBlond · 07/05/2012 12:02

No not at all. Unless he was peering under / over the cubicle doors I don't see the problem. Plenty of unisex toilets around now.

Glittertwins · 07/05/2012 12:02

I don't have a problem with this, it's the state of the men's toilets that he objects to which is why we take the potette out with us still. Even in a nice place yesterday, DD commented that the ladies loos didn't smell like the men's after she'd been taken to both over the course of a meal.

MissCoffeeNWine · 07/05/2012 12:03

I used a disabled toilet yesterday. It was the only toilet in the place, so accessible for all. It also included baby change.

When it's the only loo I think it's acceptable - I would never walk past the ladies to use a disabled loo though because I am lucky enough not to be disabled.

MrGin · 07/05/2012 12:04

It's a really tricky one. My dd is three years old, the last time I took her into the men's ( perfectly clean loo ) she started crying because it wasn't the ladies loo. Admittedly she was a bit cranky at the time.

However even when I've taken her into the men's and obviously into a cubicle, I end of putting reams of loo paper around the seat so she doesn't come in contact with it.

It'd be great if I could go into the ladies with her, but you just never know if you're going to offend someone or not. I'd completely understand someone being uncomfortable with it.

I suppose it helps if you plan stuff. I try and make sure dd doesn't have too many fluids before any journey.

I dread the day I find myself at Waterloo station and she needs a pee.

Meglet · 07/05/2012 12:04

Wouldn't bother me at all.

AceOfBase · 07/05/2012 12:04

kitty there are such facilities- family toilets- but there just isn't enough of them and they aren't available in every town sadly.

Sirzy · 07/05/2012 12:05

Re the baby changing in disabled toilets it is often the only option, not ideal but given the lack of space in the other toilets then the best option.

Sirzy · 07/05/2012 12:07

There are plenty of ladies toilets where "hovering" is the best option so the cleanliness certainly isn't a mens v women's thing anyway

Notthefullshilling · 07/05/2012 12:07

2 shoes is right, you want to take your kids in to a loo with all your shopping and worldly goods fair, I would say either campign for bigger loos in all areas, or dont go alone to the shops. The reason that disabled loos are meant to be so big although some are not much bigger than normal is so that two adults plus a wheelchair or other mobility aid can get in and move about. Why well one shits the other wipes their bum. Get it now, it is not a luxery or people being kind to crips it is a neccesity.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2012 12:08

Worra you may be the fastest changer in the west I have no idea, if you are I would suggest you think about starting a buissness teaching others good money to be made I think

Again I did not mention changing...not even once.

There are normally changing facilities if you need to change a nappy...and even if there aren't, I'm quite capable of changing a nappy with the baby on my knee.

For the record (again) I was talking about popping into a disabled toilet with a small child, when there are no disabled people waiting.

McHappyPants2012 · 07/05/2012 12:09

i have a dd and would prefer DH take her in the disabled toilet.

mens toilets in general have uranals and wouldn't want dd seeing other men gentitals at such a young age

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/05/2012 12:10

Worra but there are loads of parents with small children around and if they all did this the people with disabilities would.never get in to the toilet so that's why you just shouldn't do it

HecateTrivia · 07/05/2012 12:10

It wouldn't bother me, I like to think that I'd understand that he was doing what he needed to do, but I think you'll find that it would bother a LOT of women.

If you think about it, you have the men's toilets - which tend to stink and in which his little girls are likely to see men weeing. You have a situation there where a man is standing there with his penis out and in walk a couple of little girls. How is he going to feel? How is the dad going to feel?

otoh, you have a man going into the ladies. Where he will see...cubicles. Where the children will see...cubicles. And maybe a woman washing her hands.

I know which I think is better.

Perhaps a yell from the doorway? "Bringing my very young daughters in"

Really though, there ought to be mens, womens, disabled and family toilets. (family toilets being a larger space, a single toilet and also where the baby change is located). This is a common problem. Woman with young boys/man with young girls/changing table in the disabled toilet.

It won't happen though, because it costs money and takes space.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/05/2012 12:10

The reason it seems ok to just pop in as they are always empty is that most people dont do it

Notthefullshilling · 07/05/2012 12:12

So Mc to keep your child pure in thought you would rather I piss myself. Nice. Mens loos have stalls as well you know she wont have to see anything you dont want her too. I am sure DH could hide her eyes on the way in and out.

kittyandthefontanelles · 07/05/2012 12:12

Aceofbase- really? I've never seen any. That's good to know but definitely more needed. Probably a London thing, eh?! Rats, thought I'd had a cracking idea then...

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