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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:
Mosman · 07/05/2012 13:16

Gosh I am amazed any disabled person would actually care, from what I understand they belong to the store of which I am a customer or not individuals.

Mosman · 07/05/2012 13:17

of not or, typo

2shoes · 07/05/2012 13:17

oh well, I hope that if you keep a disabled person waiting they give you a well deserved mouth full.
talk about a sense of entitlement.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2012 13:18

Asking people if they'd like a disability because their child is busting for a quick piss in a completely empty toilet is a bit ridiculous to be honest.

Mosman · 07/05/2012 13:18

Given that has never happened ever in 12 years of parenting I doubt it'll be anytime soon.

2shoes · 07/05/2012 13:18

why?
I think it is a good question,

Mosman · 07/05/2012 13:19

Yes I'm sure you do.

bemybebe · 07/05/2012 13:20

I would not want to see a man in a ladies toilet with or without a child. I do not want to be seen pulling up my tights and adjusting the bra, sorry.

WandaDoff · 07/05/2012 13:21

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest to see a man taking his young daughter into the ladies loo. Much rather that than have young children in the filthy mens toilet.

I have asked DP though & he says that he wouldn't take DD into a ladies loo, under any circumstances & that apparently not all men's loos are dirty.

doormat · 07/05/2012 13:21

mosman they would actually care if they needed a bag emptying through leakage..or have bowel or bladder problems...that would be highly embarrassing for them...other ppl wait in the queue..why dont you...maybe it is because they have RESPECT..something you dont have

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2012 13:21

I'm sure you do think it's a good question

I think it's a ridiculous one

Mosman · 07/05/2012 13:22

How do you know I don't have a bladder problem ?

ABatInBunkFive · 07/05/2012 13:22

You are so right, who do these disabled people think they are anyway getting their own fucking toilet, it's a disgrace and expecting to be able to use it too without having to wait for the family to finish their communal piss is so entitled. Hmm Especially as it's not as if the family can use any other toilet is it.....oh wait.

ffs

MissCoffeeNWine · 07/05/2012 13:22

I just don't see why any sane person would take a small child into a toilet, assess it as too dirty and unsanitary for them to use (probably whilst the child is staring at all the willies hanging out) turn around, exit the toilet, assess the room to see if anyone looks obviously disabled and busting, decide noone else there will need to use the loo in the next five minutes, locate the disabled toilet (often in a different location) make sure it is unlocked and doesn't require a radar key, presumably there would then be another assessment to see if it meets your hygeine requirements before you deign to use it, then place your child upon it, presumably use it yourself, before you wash the child anyway and leave - hopefully without encountering someone waiting on the outside or walking past someone who has wet themselves and will now need to go home - and hopefully without having to deal with a wet child yourself as with all the faffing about who knows if they're going to hold it.

Or repeat above up to exit the toilet, find the ladies, announce your intention at the door to go on - risk someone objecting or complaining about you to the management - if they object you surely wouldn't enter anyway so what would you do - or just go in anyway, perhaps upsetting people in the process, presumably assess the sanitary facilities against the same criteria, before allowing your child to use them, then presumably using them yourself (unless you leave your child outside later to use the mens) then washing the child anyway and leaving, hoping there isn't a lurking manager waiting to ask you to use appropriate facilities outside, and gambling that you haven't actually upset anyone for whatever reason they are completely entitled to. From feeling threatened by your presence due to previous assault to being embarrassed or teenage or elderly or whatever.

How is this preference to just hovering the kid and washing them. Really. You can then inform the staff of the state of the loo and something might actually be done to help everyone.

BeaOnSea · 07/05/2012 13:23

It wouldn't bother me - although I have never encountered it and I spend a lot of time in the ladies Grin

Lots of public conveniences now have male cleaners. I don't see much difference.

outyougo · 07/05/2012 13:23

"I have dd 5, too, OP. I'd rather bloke took her to ladies than the gents where there's no privacy, and I'd be scared in case any creepy men in there. "

Men's toilets do have stalls too. Otherwise men wouldn't be able to poo of wee sitting down. The urinals are positioned so you have to face the wall to use them which provides an element of privacy for the man using them.

If men are to be allowed in the ladies then what is to stop the creepy men using the ladies too? What about when you send you 6/7/8 yo dd into what you and she presumes is a female only space and she is confronted by 'creepy men' who are using the ladies because the gents is so filthy.

I honestly can't believe that men are perfectly happy to use filthy toilets. Why don't they just complain if they are universally so poor?

doormat · 07/05/2012 13:24

if you did, you could be a member of an organisation like the nacc for bowel problems, where you get issued with a card..that explains you need a toilet urgently....

IAmBooyhoo · 07/05/2012 13:24

those who dont have a problem using the disabled toilet without actually having a disability.

how would you feel about a wheelchair user and their friend/carer coming into the 'non' disabled loos and blocking the path to the cubicles with their chair plus any equipment they need and their friend needing to help them from their chair into the cubicle meaning the toilets were out of use for everyone else for however long it took them to use the toilet and wash their hands?

i imagine there would be a fair amount of "there's disabled toilet's provided. use them" going on in some people's heads even if not vocalised.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2012 13:25

Boo How does that remotely compare to popping a bursting child into a completely empty toilet for a couple of minutes?

That's right, it doesn't.

Mosman · 07/05/2012 13:26

You seriously think I am going to get a card for my daughter who does actually have a bladder problem so she can alert members of the public to the fact and stop them giving her a mouthful of abuse ?
No i'd rather let down their tyres and if they are particularly rude I'd report them to the police. It's a public toilet not their front room I'm relieving myself in.
Sorry OP I bet you wished you'd never asked.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/05/2012 13:28

Taking it a step further though, what's to stop men (unaccompanied by children), using the ladies' toilets? Either we respect the gender allocation - or we don't. Having a child in tow doesn't trump that and neither should it.

We need to campaign for better toilets and perhaps, start paying to use them - that would bring the standards up.

Some people behave in a horribly entitled way - they can do what they 'need' to do because they need to. It should be fair for everybody.

IAmBooyhoo · 07/05/2012 13:29

"What about when you send you 6/7/8 yo dd into what you and she presumes is a female only space and she is confronted by 'creepy men' who are using the ladies because the gents is so filthy. "

'cause there are no 'creepy' women, right? Hmm

tittytittyhanghang · 07/05/2012 13:29

doormat, are you suggesting that people who suffer from invisible disabilities should have to carry some sort of ID to justify using the disability access toilets to other people? [hmmm]

doormat · 07/05/2012 13:29

worral the issue isnt a child needing a wee, it is mosmans attitude of sense of entitlement for herself...i doubt any disabled person would mind a bursting child needing a wee and using the facilities but because ppl like mosman, who have no respect and cant wait a few minutes in a queue, and wants to use the loo

doormat · 07/05/2012 13:30

no i am not...ppl who have invisible disabilities have just as much entitlement, to use a disabled toilet as ppl who have obvious disabilities..