AIBU to not accept my SIL's offer of money and take my daughter out of nursery to save money ?

[Pam270774]

...this may get a wee bit complicated so bear with me....

I have a 4yr old son and 2yr old daughter. I was made redundant at 8 months pregnant with DD (nice...not) and after taking my maternity leave with her, have actively been looking for work for the past 18 months with no avail. I made my maternity/redundancy pay last as long as possible but then went onto JSA in October of last year. As I'm only entitled to 6 months due to my partner working, this benefit ran out in April. On the face of it my DH has a good job and salary, however when you take into account the mortgage, bills etc we are really stretched and the overdraft is getting bigger every month. We have 2 cars (DH needs his for work, I drive a 15yr old banger to get the kids to nursery and around town) no credit cards, have not been on a holiday in 4yrs and generally try to be as frugal as possible.

My SIL, who has a heart of gold, sat me down a couple of weeks ago and said she was really worried about me as I've been so anxious and worried about money and wanted to give me £50 a week, so £200 a month, for as long as she could to help out. Although this was incredibly generous of her my gut reaction was "No" as I don't like to feel indebted to anyone. The bulk of that £50 would probably go on petrol then on the kids when we're out and about.

DS attends nursery for a couple of hours 3 days a week (15hrs are paid for by the council). DD only attends 2 days as this was all we could afford when we were offered the place. It's a council nursery so we wouldn't find a cheaper alternative. On top of my JSA being stopped our tax credits have stopped too so we're down another £40 a month. Having racked my brains the only way I can see to save money and replace some of my JSA would be to take my daughter out which would give me approx £130 a month. I realise this reduces my chance of finding a job to bugger all basically but I've yet to find one that suits the hours I'm available anyway.

So would you accept the money from the SIL or take the wee one out of nursery ?

I third the private cleaning suggestions too - I have a friend who's built up a tidy little cleaning business with four or five clients, charging up to £10 an hour and who is now bringing in around £100-£120 a week cash, and fits it all around her school and pre school children. It's barely been six months and she's having to turn work down at times. It's most definately an avenue worth pursuing - as she says it's cold hard cash in her pocket, not someone elses, so why should she be scared of a couple of hours cleaning in order to get it. It's also leading to bigger and better things too - she's always had a talent for gardening and does some garden work too, and she's just been asked about a long term contract for a local business for their internal and external plants via one of her cleaning clients. So give it a whirl, you never know what you may end up with!

ivykaty44 - Your calculations with the cost of the car are spot on actually. However as far as the bikes go, whilst the idea appeals to me, having seen how cyclists are treated on the roads here I'd be very reluctant to put the kids in this. Out of interest do you use one ? My DH is a keen cyclist but regularly complains about drivers nearly knocking him off so he'd be reluctant too to let me loose on one of those with the kids.

The joy is in the giving and not the receiving.

Your SIL can see I need that she wants to fill, she will get a lot of satisfaction out of helping you because she loves her family.

Those dutch bikes are so expensive though

I don't use one, I used to put both of mine on the back of my bike in a seat.

They are both too big for the box on the front job - though my 19 year old would think it was a right hoot and want to bring her boyfriend!

I will say that as it is such a large contraption - and this really does count - cars are much more wary of them and therefore they give them a much wider bearth. I looks bigger than it is (its what men want) and as an oddish shape motorists just aren't to sure. It is a bit more like trying to overtake a motorbike and side car - meaning you can't as a driver try to squeeze past and you have to overtake properly...so I would say they are not the same as a solo bike.

They are starting to appear more and more in the area - I think though so are bikes, due to the fact that second cars are being sold and bikes are the replacement in many cases as just running a second car is 600 per year.

I would say take your DD out of nursery, but for the college course, it seems a waste not to finish it as it may lead to work. How much longer have you got to go until you finish?

Get a pashley trike with kid seats, much wider than a normal bike so they have to overtake you properly.

www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_nkw=pashley+picador+tricycle+child+seats

I actually contacted one of those phone sex companies just out of curiosity... I'd be earning 15p a minute ! Rising to 18p a minute after you've kept the caller on for 5 mins or something like that. Thought I could handle it considering the w***s that I had to listen to in my last job but for that pay it wouldn't be worth it.

helloclitty - have you not noticed the price of petrol? or the price of an MOT or service for a car? The dutch bikes don't need 50 pounds of petrol per month, they don't need 20 emissions tax per month, they don't need 20 insurance per month, they don't need servicing each year and an MOT at 100 +. Once you have paid for the bike it is free to run

I would take your dd out of nursery i think. 130 pounds a month is quite a bit if you are struggling and at 2 yrs old she does not really need to be there, then put her back when the hours come free at 3

Can understand you being reluctant to take the money from sil, i would be too

Also try any little things you can do in your free time from home like dooyoo, some of the survey websites - although they take ages to earn but if you keep doing it you will get something so its better than nothing. mechanical turk is another thing but i have not tried that one

Course finishes November 2013 so still got a bit to go. The time at college isn't a problem as such as this is a Tue and Wed night. If I did find a job on the two days that both kids are in nursery I would then have to give up one day's work to go into my placement in a nursery for the college course. To clarify, I have both kids Mon and Fri. Tue DS is in nursery, Wed and Thu DD and DS are in nursery so only on 2 days a week when I'm available to work and do my placement. Jesus my head is nipping trying to work this all out...

Another way of looking at this is that your SIL is trying to repay the help your DH gave her. As you said, you didn't expect to see that money ever again, but she paid it all back. Couldn't you do the same? It does seem like you are cutting your nose off to spite your face here...I understand you don't want to feel beholden but the cost of taking your DD out of nursery is more than just losing the nursery place. It's losing your future family friendly career. If it were me, I'd graciously accept the help, qualify as quickly as possible and then make sure I repaid it when I was back in work.

Your SIL sounds lovely, as do you. Let your family pull together in these tough times.

Good luck.

ivykaty
I total agree with you (I am a keen cyclist myself) but it does require a major outlay which it doesn't sound like the OP has to hand. That's the only reason I said that they were pricey.

Yes helloclitty, the idea of the bike appeals to me for many reasons (also need to lose a bit of weight so it would help with that !) but do not have that kind of money for the initial outlay.

Putting a 2 year old in nursery when you don't work is pretty extravagant, particularly when you clearly can't afford it.

I would not take that much money from anyone unless I was seriously in need, not just spending beyond my means.

If you really work on cutting down your outgoings you should be able to figure out a way to cover childcare in September when you need it.

I also feel so sorry for my partner at the moment as he keeps on saying I've not to worry and we'll manage somehow but unless a)he's got a stash of money he's kept quiet or b) he's planning on going on the game I don't see how things are going to get better. He says he's not worrying but I know he is and regularly wakes up during the night and can't get back to sleep.

You have a family car for things like weekend trips, supermarket visits etc and you don't need a vehicle to get to work in atm. From the sound of it you're town/city based and not without access to public transport. If it were me it would be obvious, you don't need a car but you do need to reduce your outgoings and your overdraft. The car would go.

OP - I don't understand why you are paying for your DD to attend nursery in the first place. She's 2 - she doesn't need to go to nursery unless you are working...

My daugther is only in nursery because I was looking for a job - can't work when she's not in nursery so while it may seem extravagant this was soley to enable me to work.

OK, but you are really unlikely to find a job to fit around a couple of days in nursery - the usual thing is to look for a job and then purchase childcare to meet the requirements of the job.

I'm not sure why you need two cars either.

OP are you in Scotland? If so the funding for childcare and courses is different than the rest of the UK . I have sent you a pm if you want to know what/who to ask.

GrahamTribe, I could get by on public transport for most things but the nursery, whilst relatively close by, is a nightmare to get to by bus, not accessible by train so I need a car for that.

Bonsoir, my son has been in this nursery for 3yrs. It's a great council run nursery and I had to wait 9 months to get him in (prior to that was paying through the nose for a private one). Obviously wanted my daughter in the same one thinking that when I found a job it would be easier to have one nursery run in the morning instead of two . I was offered a place for her after 2 months wait and if I'd turned it down would have went to the bottom of the list again. So I took it hoping that a job would turn up but obviously it hasn't. I realise it's unlikely to find work around only a couple of days but had to be seen to be looking to be eligible for any kind of benefit.

My partner works approximately 1 hr from home, not easily accessible by public transport so needs his car and I need mine primarily to get my DS to nursery. Grocery shopping etc also.

You could take them both out, that saves not only the £130 month nursery costs but also negates the need to have a second car on the road.

If my husband was waking up in the night worrying about finances i'd do everything in my power to help. Your course is only two nights, leaving 5 nights and weekends to work without childcare when your DH is home.

Maybe you need to think about moving somewhere where your logistics are easier and cheaper?