to ask my mum to remove Facebook comments?

[spg1983]

Ok, my SIL is currently in labour, my DB and SIL's mum are at hospital with her. She's been in labour for about 20 hours and is absolutely exhausted (understandably!).
She originally started in the midwife-led unit but was then transferred onto the normal labour ward when things started to slow down. Anyway, she'd got to 10cm dilated and we were all following her progress on her dad'd fb profile (it is only visible to about 10 people, all friends and family so quite private and means everyone gets the same news at the same time).

However, after about half an hour, SIL's dad posts that SIL is being prepped for a C-section. He's not said why but he did say SIL is exhausted and is also v upset and feeling really bad about having to have a section :(

Everyone else is rallying around and commenting on how well she's done and giving her lots of support, apart from my mum. She has fallen out with SIL in the past and although they get on on a day-to-day basis, they're not exactly best friends. Mum is fine, but she does sometimes say things without thinking and is not good at seeing others' points of view. Anyway, mum posted something along the lines of 'oh, well at least if she's threatened with a section, it'll probably spur her into pushing properly and she'll have a natural birth'

I really don't think she's trying to be mean; she's only ever had close friends/family who've given birth naturally and probably doesn't realise just how common it is and also that a section is not because she's not trying hard enough, it's because a natural birth will be too dangerous in this case. We don't know the exact reason why she's been prepped for a section but I'm guessing it's not lack of effort with pushing!

Anyway, I'm really stressing as I know SIL will see the conversations (mum has also posted along the same lines on her page so it's not just a badly-worded one-off). SIL is really upset and disappointed to have had a section and I just don't want her to see what mum's written. AIBU to ask her to get rid of them, or am I just getting too sensitive on SIL's behalf?

I personally think you're right to ask her to remove the comments. They are both ignorant and insensitive whether they are meant or not. Given this is going to be her GC then I think you'd be wise to point out how insensitive she's being even if she doesn't mean it.

Yes-get her Dad to delete.

Would she want a blow by blow account on FB at all?

I think you are right to ask your Mum to delete her comments. I actually would stop any more Facebook comments from anyone. I personally don't think it's the right place to be discussing you SIL's labour.

Thanks. SIL is fine with fb as it's only family and close friends on her dad's profile and (up until mum's comment) was just factual from her dad and supportive from everyone else. DB and SIL actually preferred it that way as they only had to keep in contact with SIL's dad and he'd pass news on. So that's not really the issue, I wouldn't do it myself but it's their choice!

Just your Mum´s comments need to go then!

I'd tell her to delete them now. I'm not an overly sensitive person, but after my emergency c-section if someone had insinuated that I hadn't tried hard enough I would have been beyond furious . I understand your mum maybe doesn't realise how offensive and wrong she is, but I think your SIL shouldn't have to read such a stupid statement.

Aaaargh...development. Just heard that I have a new nephew who was born via forceps delivery, apparently they took her to theatre and prepped for section but it was a back-up plan if forceps didn't work. Now mum's being all smuggo and saying "I knew she'd pull herself together" etc...

I asked her to remove her comments but she won't as she doesn't see why she has to, in her eyes she was correct, wasn't she?! SIL's dad can remove from his page but mum's gone on a bit of a fb rampage and her well-meaning but totally insensitive comments are everywhere!

My poor SIL...she's tiny, the baby was massive and he was her first so it was really tough for her. She's done so well but I just feel like mum's just spoiling the whole thing :(

YANBU Spg, Whether or not your Mum meant it, it is very insensitive. If left it could cause friction when SIL reads it, she'll be upset enough that it had to go to EMCS, not to mention emotional after everything she has just been through and the comments are very likely to distress her.It's just not worth leaving there.
Your Mum has obviously given birth, remind her it's not CS you get threatened with when you you're too tired to push...its the bloody forceps/ventouse :@ CS is a major op and not one the Dr's make an light decision to give- there MUST be some medical/safety reason for the EMCS or they wouldn't have done it.
Hope everything has gone well for your DB and his family xx

Your mum is fucking rude

If they aren't speaking to her afterwards it's her own damn fault

I wonder if they will let er see the baby straight away. I would personally let her stew and would be demanding an apology. Show her this thread op

Aww good it's all over now for her, however it ended. Sounds like the CS was possibly needed as they didn't want him to get stuck but he had other idea's to enter the world via the tunnel and needed a little help :)

Welcome to the world little one x and congrats on your new nephew x

If I were your SIL I'd let your mum wait a hell of a long time before she could see the baby. Your mum sounds very immature, tbh.

You're SIL's lucky to have you. You're quite right - your Mum's comments will be very upsetting when your SIL becomes aware of them. Be careful not to get caught in the crossfire...

You seem to be a very nice person and perhaps you see the best in everyone but I think you are mistaken when you said your Mum is not trying to be mean, I really don't understand how you can think that.

Her comments are coming over as very deliberately malicious and intended to hurt. I would be having strong words with her OP. She should be ashamed of herself trying to rain on your SIL's parade.

Hmmm your mum's comments don't sound all that well-meaning to be honest, but you're definitely right about the insensitive part!

Is she trying to fall out with her son and dil? She's certainly going about it the right way.

I think I should! Mum had really straightforward births each time and I think she finds it hard to believe just how wrong things can go sometimes. She's doing my head in with all of her posts saying well done and coming across as really supportive and happy (she is genuinely v happy about having a gc) but there's this underlying message of SIL being a bit of a failure for needing help. Am so angry, I wish she'd just phoned someone and got it all off her chest rather than posting it snidely on fb and covering it up with congratulations etc.

Forgot to say congratulations on your nephew! Try not to let your Mother suck the joy out of it.

You sound like a lovely SIL a rarity here apparently

YANBU ask your mum to remove all her bitchy sounding comments- and it does sound bitchy. Even if your SIL isn't the sensitive type, she sounds like she's had a rough time.

The fact she started in the MW led unit means she most likely wanted a natural delivery with little intervention. Your mum's comment will be a big kick in the teeth.

Really hope your mum sees sense and deletes her comments before your SIL sees any of them, because this sort of thing can cause bad feeling for a long time, which is not something you want to marr your DN's birth.

Your mum sounds incredibly mean. I would be so, so angry and upset if she was my MIL, it would definitely affect my future relationship with her. Will she be so judgemental and nasty about your DB and SILs parenting choices too?

FWIW: I used to be a bit (privately) judgy about people "not trying hard enough" as my my first labour was a piece of piss: arrived at hospital fully dilated, hopped in the pool, had some gas and air, pushed out DS 8.5lb and I am wimp about pain TBH. Thank god I never judged out loud. With DD I arrived at hospital fully dilated at lunchtime, thinking I would be home by dinner time, I ended up with an EMCS and had to stay in 4 days and still feel a bit traumatised by it all if I let myself think about it.

EEEEK. Your mum is on very thin ice. If i were SIL i would be absolutely livid.

Congrats on being an auntie :)

I sincerely hope she mends her ways...I don't have children but if (when) I do, I won't be held responsible for what I say to her if she gets all judgy on me! :)

You do
Sound like a lovely SIL by the way

You know what-your mum should remove the comments even if she thinks that she is right because she should care enough about her son & the woman he is married to to do so(imo).

"I knew she´d pull herself together"-bloody hell-the poor woman probably feels as if she´s just beem ripped apart.

Congratulations to them & you OP.