to ask my mum to remove Facebook comments?

[spg1983]

Ok, my SIL is currently in labour, my DB and SIL's mum are at hospital with her. She's been in labour for about 20 hours and is absolutely exhausted (understandably!).
She originally started in the midwife-led unit but was then transferred onto the normal labour ward when things started to slow down. Anyway, she'd got to 10cm dilated and we were all following her progress on her dad'd fb profile (it is only visible to about 10 people, all friends and family so quite private and means everyone gets the same news at the same time).

However, after about half an hour, SIL's dad posts that SIL is being prepped for a C-section. He's not said why but he did say SIL is exhausted and is also v upset and feeling really bad about having to have a section :(

Everyone else is rallying around and commenting on how well she's done and giving her lots of support, apart from my mum. She has fallen out with SIL in the past and although they get on on a day-to-day basis, they're not exactly best friends. Mum is fine, but she does sometimes say things without thinking and is not good at seeing others' points of view. Anyway, mum posted something along the lines of 'oh, well at least if she's threatened with a section, it'll probably spur her into pushing properly and she'll have a natural birth'

I really don't think she's trying to be mean; she's only ever had close friends/family who've given birth naturally and probably doesn't realise just how common it is and also that a section is not because she's not trying hard enough, it's because a natural birth will be too dangerous in this case. We don't know the exact reason why she's been prepped for a section but I'm guessing it's not lack of effort with pushing!

Anyway, I'm really stressing as I know SIL will see the conversations (mum has also posted along the same lines on her page so it's not just a badly-worded one-off). SIL is really upset and disappointed to have had a section and I just don't want her to see what mum's written. AIBU to ask her to get rid of them, or am I just getting too sensitive on SIL's behalf?

Your mum is out of order and I would report her posts to fb - there is an option that is something like harrassment of a friend or relative. There would be no comeback to you and it might work.

I think she is increasing your SIL's chances of getting PND actually.

Aww thanks. SIL is lovely and has done so much for our family, always supportive and helpful so I can't help but love her! It's one of those cases where my brother has chosen someone I'd definitely have wanted to be my friend, even if I'd just met her elsewhere and didn't have the family link. It's just sad that she's being treated like this :(

That labour and birth sound very similar to the one I had with DS and I would have been really upset if someone had told me I just wasn't trying hard enough. I didn't even realise DS had been born by the time they used the forceps, I was in such a dazed state, but my mum told me afterwards that the doctor commented I would never have done it on my own.

Your mother should remove the comments before they are seen by your SIL and she is upset by them.

YANBU, your mum is. She needs to get off her high horse and delete them before she finds they are (justifiably) angry. She is also has to get a clue of how arrogant and bitchy she is coming across, while it's not going to bother her to seem like that to us faceless strangers, she's also lookign like that to everyone on her fb and everyone who'll hear of this. Personally, i'd de-friend someone like that.

Will try again with mum - don't want SIL to get PND :(

Your poor SIL, if this was me, MIL would be on the receiving end of a hormone fuelled shit fit.
I would most definitely demand your M take the comments down. Perhaps you can be your SIL's voice. If you know that your SIL is going to take it to heart and be very upset by it, I would make your M realise that in no uncertain terms. Or tell your brother so he can demand you mum take her comments back.

I'm so sorry, I know its awful being in this situation and its horrible when we realise our parents sometimes can be cruel and bitchy. And unfortunately your mum is definitely being cruel.

If it wasn´t for the thought of how it might affect your SIL I´d say leave the comments & let mother take the backlash

Sounds as if SIL might be too nice for that, though.

Hope your mother doesn´t make a habit of this & SIL too nice & just sucks it up rather than deal with it.

well, much as I agree that your mum shouldn't wade in with insensitive comments, I think the idea of updating someone's progress like that on facebook is fairly awful, and in truth, if you put the minutii (sp?) of your private life on the internet for all your friends and family to see (regardless of whether that's all who sees it), then you do lay yourself somewhat open to people having opinions and comments to make.

I would do anything I could to get the comments removed and I would tell your mother straight that if she wants to be cut off from her son, DIL and grandson she is going the right way about it and to think before she opens her mouth or writes anything on facebook. She needs telling.

You are lucky to have such a fab SIL and she's lucky to have you wish I'd been as lucky

wannabe - what all 10 of their friends and family, how is this any different than constant phone calls? It does not give anyone the right to be an insentive/stupid/ignorant cow.

YANBU ask your mum to delete and if she refuses get your FIL to do it. Your mum is out of order.

Your mum is a stupid cow.

Is it SIL's father who has started the status update people are posting on? Can't he remove your M's comments?

I would tell her, in very clear and certain terms. Bloody insensitive and she needs to know!

How awful.

I would be refusing to let her visit if I was your SIL and read that!

Your mother sounds horrible, report her posts to facebook as abusive and defriend her. You should also tell her how vile she is.

Your mum doesnt come across as well meaning in the slightest, what an undeniably mean spirited thing to say/write.

I am so glad I had my DCs before Facebook was invented! Your Mum sounds horrible, I am sorry to say.

It sounds like your SIL was in a similar situation as me. I had a very long and tiring labour which did end in an emergency caesarean. I felt like a complete failure and really upset that I hadn't done it 'properly'. If somebody would have made those sort of comments to me/about me (especially on fb), unintended nastiness or not, it REALLY would of affected me and probably would have changed my opinion of them, possibly forever. I think you really should speak with your mum about this before it gets out of hand but its entirely likely that your SIL will hear it at some point being as it is all over fb, so the damage may already be done. It is a shame that what should be a happy experience/time in someones life can be overshadowed by someone elses thoughtless comments/behaviour. You sound lovely by the way and congratulations on your new nephew!

I had what sounds like a similar first birth - 27 hours, prepped for c section then forceps worked at last minute. If I was your SIL and I read those comments your mum would not be seeing her gc

Congratulations Auntie!

I think you need to post lots of positive comments showing that you completely disagree with your Mother to provide some balance and make sure you sil knows that you don't all think the same way as your Mum and that you are also aware your Mum is being a loon.

Does your brother know about your mums comments? If not, I would prep him, he will have been with SIL so can legitimately turn around and tell your mum that she hasn't got a clue, and if she doesn't alter her upsetting attitude then they will stay away until she can.

And many congrats to all!

*Sorry I assumed brother there! Hope it's right!

Wow, your mum sounds like a nightmare MIL! You sound lovely though! Definitely agree you should post very very nice comments on FB. Then remind your mum that while relationship with SIL may have been iffy before DCs, SIL will now be in "mother bear" mode and will tell your mum to fuckthefuckoff if she isn't careful.

Yup, she´s sounding MILzilla & the type of MIL MN tends to tell DILs to avoid as much as possible & not subject the children to!