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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be furious that this woman spoke to me about this in the playground?

276 replies

DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 17:50

Honest replies please, I'm pissed off but unsure if I'm being over sensitive.

DD is in Y2 and is struggling with her reading. DH and I have spoken with the teacher and she is currently awaiting assessment for dyslexia. DD's teacher and I are working together to help her and she has been really helpful all along.

Anyway, there are parent helpers who go in weekly to read with the children and this woman (I barely know her), who read with DD today, proceeded to come up to me in the playground this afternoon at pick up to tell me, in a VERY loud voice that 'your DD had significant trouble with her reading today, I really think there is a problem. I have not been told she has any special needs, is there anything you need to tell me?'. I was flabbergasted and I am abso fucking lutely furious that she would even discuss this with me, never mind in the playground in full hearing of every other parent and pupil in the school, including DD who was standing beside me. (and I told her this) DD is worried enough about this herself.

She is not a teacher and DD's teacher would not dream of discussing this with me in front of other parents/children.

Do I need to calm down or do I need to kick her in the fucking shins the next time I see her?

OP posts:
DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 20:14

Well now I'm just upset. DD crying before bed. 'does special needs mean there's something wrong with me?' So now my beautiful, funny, SMART daughter thinks theses something wrong with her.

OP posts:
Whoopydofoxpoo · 04/05/2012 20:18

Oh thats really sad Dolly - just make sure Head Teacher knows all this .

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 04/05/2012 20:18

Your poor DD, Dolly. Just try to tell her that she is special to you, and everyone finds something difficult. What's important is that you will do your best to find ways to help her to find reading more fun. Have a look on the primary education board, there is lots of advice there, if you haven't already. Smile

TheUnMember · 04/05/2012 20:18

Why not just tell her that no, special needs does not mean there's something wrong with her?

manicbmc · 04/05/2012 20:20

Can you show her the link someone posted earlier?

Yes, she has a special need called dyslexia, which means she learns differently and that it might take her longer to learn to read but she will learn to read. She will very probably speed ahead once those connections are made in her brain. A lot of dyslexic people are very, very intelligent.

I really feel for her. Sad

FallenCaryatid · 04/05/2012 20:25

I'm a teacher, I have a son with additional needs and I would have responded to her query of 'is there anything you need to tell me?' quite assertively and told her several things she needed to know. Like the meaning of confidentiality and her role in the school. I would also have written to the head to ask that all volunteers get an updated talk on their responsibilities and boundaries as helpers in school.
I have several helpers in my class, and they are all exceptionally good. I have had an unsatisfactory and nosy parent, and I told her that I could no longer use her help. And why.
You need to talk with your DD about the help she may need, and her strengths in other areas. A possible SN does not mean there is something wrong with her, or any of the other children she may meet who have diagnosed SN.

nutellaontoast · 04/05/2012 20:29

Going to repost the link for you to look at with DD - Xtraordinary people - it's a charity about building confidence for dyslexic kids, just look at all the successful people (writers included) with dyslexia.

Your poor DD Sad

Nobhead · 04/05/2012 20:33

WTF Shock! I would be raging at this, kick up a stink to the head teacher and a very fucking big one. She needs to be a taught as lesson in tact, social skills and self awareness not to mention how not to be a total twunt. I am very Angry on your behalf, your poor DD Sad you both must have been mortified.

painauchoc · 04/05/2012 20:34

Complain to teacher and be very explicit what this woman said and in front of DD as well who understood and was very upset.
Absolutely disgraceful, she should not be allowed to assist if she is this indiscreet.

DaDerDaDer · 04/05/2012 20:42

Talk to her about all the amazing things she is good at.

Point out how she's noticed that some of her friends finds some things difficult eg sport, dancing, drawing, maths, making friends, concentrating, being kind, making up games whatever she will have noticed that others find some things difficult.

Tell her she's just finding reading a bit difficult at the moment, but she brilliant at other things.

So she can see everyone is good at some things and finds some other things hard, just like her.

Her hard thing at the moment is reading, but tell her she will get there with it likeeveryone else, and when she does it will be brilliant becaus she can read all the stories she loves, but until then you can you'll keep on reading them to her because books and stories are so wonderful (I bet she loves books and stories and has a brilliant imagination doesn't she??).

Tell her she has NOT got special needs, she's just like everyone else but her hard thing is reading whereas Sophie/Ella/whoever s hard thing is swimming/going to brownies/maths/whatever. She is just like her freiends. All learning new things and finding some things hard.

She does not need to know about the term special needs, it meaningless to her.

My 8yr old son is dyslexic. He doesn't even know he's dyslexic at this point. He knows his spelling isn't good, he knows he's only recently got good at reading but that's Ok cos now he's racing through the Roald Dhal books and has forgotten he ever found it difficult, and he knows he's a brilliant drawer, really popular, knows loads of historical facts, makes up the best stories and is a wonderful performer.

end of Yr 2 I was beside myself with anxiety that his, at that time significant reading difficulties, would destroy his self esteem and his love of school and learning, but I'm now relaxed as he's learnt to accept his weaknesses and recognise his strengths and is doing brilliantly.

Your DD will be OKSmile.

Despite that twat.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 04/05/2012 20:45

Hope you will update after you have complained on Tuesday op.

DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 20:48

thank you for that link nutella we'll have a home look at it tomorrow.
And of course I told her that itdoesn't mean there's anything wrong with her. I'm so mad.

OP posts:
landofsoapandglory · 04/05/2012 20:52

I'd have torn her a second arse hole! Fucking silly bint should not be anywhere near the classroom again. Complain very strongly on Tuesday!

I hope you can reassure your DD OP.

LetsKateWin · 04/05/2012 20:55

That's terrible. I used to volunteer in a school and wouldn't dream of doing that.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 04/05/2012 20:57

"I'd have torn her a second arse hole!" - what does that even mean?

DeWe · 04/05/2012 20:58

We're not given anything to sign before going in, but I can't imagine ever thinking that would be a good idea. The only time I ever spoke to a friend was when her dd told her she was the worse reader in the class, and I pointed out she was in the 2nd (out of 6) groups.

I think the class teacher needs to know and possibly the head.

knowotumean · 04/05/2012 20:59

YANBU

I think that this is one of the problems of the """""big society"""". Organisations are using more and more volunteers but don't have the time or money to screen, train or supervise them properly. Don't get me wrong I think volunteering can be a very, very positive positive thing but there can be a fall out.

I'm really sorry for the distress this bint (like the word soapandglory) caused you and you DC. You'll both be able to handle it though. Whereas the bint will probably be never be able to get enough remedial support for her insensitivity.

CrumpettyTree · 04/05/2012 21:12

I think you need to put your complaint in writing to the head, to make sure it is recorded. You could also mention the affect it has had on your dd. Poor lamb. :( Maybe send it on Monday night /Tues am as he probably can;t do anything over the weekend and probably needs a bit of a break.

FallenCaryatid · 04/05/2012 21:16

bbb, you really can't work out what it means?
It means to be so infuriated by someone that you wish to disembowel them.
HTH.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 04/05/2012 21:23

Ok, thank you.

ReallyTired · 04/05/2012 21:26

Your poor dd. What happened was seriously out of order. I think that schools should not allow parents to listen to children in the same year group as their child.

What happened was extremely serious and the school needs to take action. A letter to head would force the school to address the issue of confidentiality and boundaries.

maddening · 04/05/2012 21:35

tell dd that einstein was dyslexic - lots of fabulous, intelligent and creative people are dyslexic.

def complain to the school

bobbledunk · 04/05/2012 21:36

Your poor daughter, what an idiot to behave like that, she shouldn't be anywhere near other peoples kids. Yanbu and would have been entirely justified in punching her if you were so inclined. I hope you make a complaint to the head and her class teacher. Stay furious and make your fury known.

girltalk · 04/05/2012 21:42

Absolutely out of order. She has no bloody right to say anything, she's a volunteer not a professional so she should keep her opinion to herself. Definitely complain to the head and insist this idiot is kept away from your child!

TheSockPuppet · 04/05/2012 22:26

Op yadnbu, it was horrible of her to say those things to you, definitely complain to the head teacher!.

Reading some of the replies has confused me quite a bit though, I really don't understand why an adult would gossip about a Childs reading levels Confused, it's a serious question, I really can't figure out the point, especially in some cases to go as far as volunteering in the classroom just to gossip. Could someone please explain?

And Bibbity, are you the parent helper from the op's post? :o Go on, you can tell us!