Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son should not have to laugh this off

103 replies

conkercon · 04/05/2012 16:27

DS is just a week off of 16. He is openly gay and came out just over a year ago. He had to because he was getting bullied at school about being gay so he figured that if he came right out and said he was then what could the bullies say to that.

I have found in my experience that some teenage boys are the worst homophobes there are. My DS has had to put up with a lot of name calling, he can't use the toilet facilities at school without fear of water being thrown over him and other horrible things. But he has held his head up high and got on with his school life and is about to start his exams.

Today in a lesson the kids had to write down three things they would like to put in room 101. One boy asked if he could read his out. His were the KKK (fantastic), child abuse (wonderful) and gays! He had the cheek to turn to my DS and say "no offence DS". The conversation went on and this boy's reasoning was that gay people can't have children so what is the point of them. Obviously an idiot, but what has infuritated me is the teacher did absolutely nothing about it. He apparently was laughing although I actually think he maybe just did not know what he was supposed to do. I have met him at parents evenings and he seems okay. Never had to discuss anything like this though.

Some of the other kids started laughing and patting this kid on the back and my son just felt humiliated although he did not and would never let them see that.

If another child had said this and the word gays was replaced with Black, Asian, Disabled, Jewish, Muslim or anything like this he would probably have been excluded. But he is expected to laugh it off.

Would I be unreasonable to speak to the school about this?

OP posts:
2shoes · 04/05/2012 16:29

yanbu
that is disgusting, did the teacher do nothing?

Flubba · 04/05/2012 16:29

Definitely speak to them! No wonder you're upset! How's your boy doing?

Inertia · 04/05/2012 16:31

YANBU. Your son shouldn't have to put up with it, and schools should have a bullying policy in place to deal with this.

Sarsaparilllla · 04/05/2012 16:32

Complain to the school about the teacher, he shouldn't be condoning homophobia anyway, let alone when it was being used as a bullying tactic against another pupil

Annunziata · 04/05/2012 16:33

YANBU, that's disgusting behaviour. Your poor DS.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/05/2012 16:33

Report, complain and then report and complain some more. If the school does nothing about it, report and complain to Ofsted.

Absolutely vile and unacceptable.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/05/2012 16:34

The teacher gave tacit approval to homophobic bigotry. I would complain to the HT. The teenage boys have scant excuse for their attitudes - the teacher has none.

ragged · 04/05/2012 16:34

You need to hear the teacher's side of what happened.
I hate the whole "room 101" thing anyway, sounds like a difficult lot of boys to engage with.

SomebodySaveMe · 04/05/2012 16:35

YANBU that's horrible Sad
I hope your DS is ok. It must take guts to come out when still at school.

Thetokengirl · 04/05/2012 16:36

YANBU
Definitely speak to the school.
You must be really proud of your son. he seems to be showing a level of maturity that not only his peers aren't attaining, but also his teacher.
I would have thought something like this would have been an ideal opportunity for the teacher to start a conversion about homophobia and to correct this other childs incorrect views, rather than laughing!

CrispyCod · 04/05/2012 16:36

You should definitely raise this with the school. Issues like this are down to education, both in the home and at school. The teacher should have intervened.

I have found in my experience that some teenage boys are the worst homophobes there are.

I can agree with this. They are going through a period of change which is why education is so very important at this point in their life.

HairyGrotter · 04/05/2012 16:36

I would complain, he is condoning homophobia. Totally unacceptable

GeekCool · 04/05/2012 16:37

That's horrific, your poor DS. YADNBU. Definitely complain.

manicbmc · 04/05/2012 16:37

I believe teachers have to report homophobic behaviour and comments. I would complain very strongly, in writing.

Why should your ds have to put up with this just for being himself? Angry

KRITIQ · 04/05/2012 16:37

Absolutely YANBU! I'd have been livid. It is the teacher's responsibility to challenge examples of bigotry and discrimination amongst students and this is clearly what this student's response was.

Even if your son wasn't in that class or there weren't any out Lesbian or gay students present, the teacher definitely should have challenged the comments. In effect, by not saying anything he/she was colluding in the perpetuation and normalisation of homophobia in her class.

Definitely speak to the school about it. This should not have happened and should not happen in the future.

bigjoeent · 04/05/2012 16:37

YANBU, definitely speak to the school, I'd try to find out the teachers side though.

Your son is amazing, hope he is OK.

pinkpyjamas · 04/05/2012 16:37

Appalling that the teacher didn't, at the very least, use this as an opportunity to tackle homophobia head on.

And for the teacher to say nothing when the other boy said "no offence" to your DS is beyond belief.

Send a letter to the school, demand they address this with the teacher, and ask for a copy of their bullying policy.

Your poor son, having to put up with this crap - no wonder you're outraged!

KRITIQ · 04/05/2012 16:38

Absolutely YANBU! I'd have been livid. It is the teacher's responsibility to challenge examples of bigotry and discrimination amongst students and this is clearly what this student's response was.

Even if your son wasn't in that class or there weren't any out Lesbian or gay students present, the teacher definitely should have challenged the comments. In effect, by not saying anything he/she was colluding in the perpetuation and normalisation of homophobia in his/her class.

Definitely speak to the school about it. This should not have happened and should not happen in the future.

fuzzpig · 04/05/2012 16:39
Shock Angry

What everyone else said

MsVestibule · 04/05/2012 16:40

Agree with Ragged, but even if only 50% of it us true, I am truly [shocked]. It's the sort of thing I would expect from a classroom discussion in the 70s. If your son's account is correct, then the teacher should have been able to think on his feet and say that the other boy's comments were totally unacceptable.

Definitely take it further.

katykuns · 04/05/2012 16:44

Take it further.. that is disgraceful!

Well done to your son though, how strong he is!

knowotumean · 04/05/2012 16:46

you would be unreasonable not to talk to the school about this.
words fail me. the school need to commission some intense equalities training immediately. If I was the headteacher I would discipline the teacher/call a meeting with all staff to make sure that this type of shit is not allowed to go unchallenged.

mollymole · 04/05/2012 16:47

Take it to the Head, if the teacher has condoned the bullying by going along with it then they are also bullies. it is totally unacceptable.

NenNen · 04/05/2012 16:50

I'm a teacher and I would remove the student from the class for making such a deliberately provocative comment. Go to the HT, the class teacher should get a warning.