To think my son should not have to laugh this off

[conkercon]

DS is just a week off of 16. He is openly gay and came out just over a year ago. He had to because he was getting bullied at school about being gay so he figured that if he came right out and said he was then what could the bullies say to that.

I have found in my experience that some teenage boys are the worst homophobes there are. My DS has had to put up with a lot of name calling, he can't use the toilet facilities at school without fear of water being thrown over him and other horrible things. But he has held his head up high and got on with his school life and is about to start his exams.

Today in a lesson the kids had to write down three things they would like to put in room 101. One boy asked if he could read his out. His were the KKK (fantastic), child abuse (wonderful) and gays! He had the cheek to turn to my DS and say "no offence DS". The conversation went on and this boy's reasoning was that gay people can't have children so what is the point of them. Obviously an idiot, but what has infuritated me is the teacher did absolutely nothing about it. He apparently was laughing although I actually think he maybe just did not know what he was supposed to do. I have met him at parents evenings and he seems okay. Never had to discuss anything like this though.

Some of the other kids started laughing and patting this kid on the back and my son just felt humiliated although he did not and would never let them see that.

If another child had said this and the word gays was replaced with Black, Asian, Disabled, Jewish, Muslim or anything like this he would probably have been excluded. But he is expected to laugh it off.

Would I be unreasonable to speak to the school about this?

R&T I have no reason to believe the teacher is not a good teacher. Both my dss have been taught by him and eldest DS likes him.

However, by DS did tell me another story about how quite a while ago one of the kids made a comment that the said teacher was "gay" and the teacher told him to be quite as that was "disgusting". But he has taught my son for quite a while and has never given any inclination that he dissaproves of my son being gay.

I also don't believe the boy who made the comment was bullying my son. My son has been bullied and still gets called names, normally by the younger kids. My son thinks the comment was partly made for attention. But from what I have heard I think the teacher handled it badly. For example someone said that they lay down groundrules before the 101 lesson begins. The teacher did not do this. And I still believe that if the word gay had been replaced with the word Black, Asian, disbaled etc then more would have been made of it.

I have read a lot of the Stonewall website that someone recomended and it was very interesting. Having read it I actually believe that this is a whole school issue and that homophobic comments are not taken as seriously as racist comments for example.

I am going to be very calm, but I am not going to let this go. Not with regard to the teacher, or the pupil as there is no point in a witch hunt, but I want to see it brought up as a whole school issue that is going ot be addressed. Not just one assembly and a quick mention in the staff room.

My son and I had a really long chat yesterday about attitudes to being gay and some of the stuff he told me really broke my heart. Just the everyday things he has to put up with, snide comments, not feeling comfortable using public toilets so using the ladies instead where he can, and not being able to use the school ones at all for fear of nasty comments if using urinal or water thrown over him if in the cubicle.

If he likes a boy he can't just chat to them like normal. He has to find out if they are gay and in school there are very few who will admit to it. He sees all the hetrosexual kids getting into relationships and he would really like to have a special someone as well. It is just so much harder for him. And now his best friend (girl) has got a boyfriend he is feeling even more isolated.

Thankfully he has never been beaten up, but that is something else that I really worry about although he doesn't.

It is so hard to be gay For those who think it is a lifestyle choice then think again. Who would choose to have it so hard?

I am now a about to write a letter to the school plaugerising based on some of the comments you have made. I have also told DS about some of the things you have said about him. He now has an oversized head :).

Thanks again.

Yanbu.

I think that the fact he can come out at such a young age shows what a loving family he has. That he is coping with this so well and doesn't want to get anyone in trouble is showing a lot of maturity for someone so young. You must be very proud of him.

I would want answers from the school about this, you are right, if it was any other group that this lad had mentioned then there would be uproar and it would probably be in all the papers.

I hope you get some answers. It sounds as if there has been a fair bit he has to put up with. I hope it gets easier for him.

Re-thinking it conker i was just thinking the boy said ''No offence xxx" to show off infront of his friends, and i read your post saying he did it for attention is probably right.

Its not very nice, and i hope you get it sorted. Other posters are right about what a loving understanding mother you are, I dont understand why people have such a bad attitude toward people that are gay. My Ex-bosses shouted at me because i said a neutral comment about people who are gay, i said 'Their sexuality is nothing to do with me, or anyone else in the world for that matter'' and i was shouted at like i'd just suggested hitler come back into power. I dont understand it at all.

Could he find away to meet some friends outside school? I presume he's in his Last year, and hopefully college/work should be alot different!

If he's doing his exams, could you ask about him doing them in a seperate room so he's not put off by the horrible people being in the room aswell?