To think my son should not have to laugh this off

[conkercon]

DS is just a week off of 16. He is openly gay and came out just over a year ago. He had to because he was getting bullied at school about being gay so he figured that if he came right out and said he was then what could the bullies say to that.

I have found in my experience that some teenage boys are the worst homophobes there are. My DS has had to put up with a lot of name calling, he can't use the toilet facilities at school without fear of water being thrown over him and other horrible things. But he has held his head up high and got on with his school life and is about to start his exams.

Today in a lesson the kids had to write down three things they would like to put in room 101. One boy asked if he could read his out. His were the KKK (fantastic), child abuse (wonderful) and gays! He had the cheek to turn to my DS and say "no offence DS". The conversation went on and this boy's reasoning was that gay people can't have children so what is the point of them. Obviously an idiot, but what has infuritated me is the teacher did absolutely nothing about it. He apparently was laughing although I actually think he maybe just did not know what he was supposed to do. I have met him at parents evenings and he seems okay. Never had to discuss anything like this though.

Some of the other kids started laughing and patting this kid on the back and my son just felt humiliated although he did not and would never let them see that.

If another child had said this and the word gays was replaced with Black, Asian, Disabled, Jewish, Muslim or anything like this he would probably have been excluded. But he is expected to laugh it off.

Would I be unreasonable to speak to the school about this?

My god, of course you would!

Please speak to the school - do you have any friends who would support you?

I have noticed schools are very homophobic from early on. it's up to parents to tackle this from early. I noticed at junior school that gay was used as a term of abuse - it is very much up to parents and teachers to say this is really not acceptable. I am shocked the teacher did not challenge the boy who said gay people should be put in room 101.

It's hate speech, those that don't understand the updating of the law and statutory policies, shouldn't tell others that there is nothing that they can do about it.

The school has to have a policy on it, it is written into all LA/LEA guidelines. The teacher has broken this policy.

Quick link that is why i have used Wilki

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate_speech

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate_speech

English GCSE Speaking & Listening, at a guess...the 'Room 101' task is pretty standard. I don't use it anymore because it generates fairly predictable responses, but yes, the teacher should've been aware of possible offensive responses & headed them off.

'Gays' is a common one actually, second only to ''

You start with groundrules, obviously...'No racism, homophobia or personal attacks'. Simples.

I'd certainly complain, the teacher didn't present the task properly or deal with an entirely predictable issue.

I can't add anything useful over and above what has already been said. Def YANBU and I would be having both the boy and teacher spoken to.

I only wanted to comment to express my admiration of your DS and the grace and dignity with which he has handled himself. Coming out is hard and he has done it at 16. He should not have to laugh this off but his poise will stand him in good stead. What a great kid you've got there OP.

birds not entirely sure if that comment was directed at me but I can assure you that I well understand the statutory and case law in relation to "hate crimes".

Whilst what happened to the OP's son was disgusting and should have been robustly challenged by the teacher at the time the behaviour was not a hate crime and to encourage the OP to believe otherwise, thus putting her on the back foot when it comes to her very valid complaint is unhelpful.

In order to make a crime out under POA the crown would have to prove: that the boy intended to cause harassment alarm or distress, by using threatening, abusive or insulting words/ behaviour and that the OP's son (or someone else present) was in fact caused harassment alarm and distress. Under the CJIA the behaviour must be threatening.

None of this makes the comments acceptable, and of course the OP's should. It have to laugh it off but equally criminalising albeit inappropriate behaviour is not helpful. I am also firmly of the view that if a complaint is made that a hate crime was commited and the school are able to revert immediately legitimately stating it wasn't it rather knocks the winds from the OP's sails. The fact is nasty, boorish, bullying behaviour doesn't become more acceptable by virtue of it not being criminal, so don't give the school the opportunity to claim otherwise.

OP your son sounds like a decent young man. You must be very proud.

At DCs school Homophobic bullying is now one of the worst "crimes" and gets you instantly into the highest level of punishment. So I would hope this event wouldn't happen there, and I would have already complained to the head.

I hope the Deputy Head rips the teacher a new one!
I mean seriously, this is the 21st century and people are still getting judged for their sexuality. It is not on!

It's disgraceful that the school has been so lax in dealing with this homophobic and ignorant behaviour. They need a kick up the arse. With regards to the attitudes of some of these teens, this is precisely why I am going to raise my children to be aware that people can be gay or straight and everyone Shula be treated with the same respect. It is disgusting that in this day and age this still happens

Your ds sounds amazing x

Please let us know how it goes x

I do teach the Room 101 task - it works brilliantly.

I have never experienced anything like this - the students know that the task is light-hearted, designed to be humorous - and I set the ground rules v carefully before we start. My kids say things like "Men who wear socks with sandals" and "Alpaca - not all llamas, just Alpaca". My guess is that the student in question realised there would be some implicit acceptance from the teacher - they would not have dared to try it in my class and, if anyone began such a piece, would be stopped in mid-flow and roasted publicly for it.

Your DS sounds ace.

The comment about what if there was another child in the class who is gay made me recall a boy who was teased/bullied about being gay and hung himself .

I really hate it when people say that kids can be cruel. It makes me wonder where they get it from and how they manage to be cruel more than once. ie why does no one put them straight about what is and isn't acceptable?

Pendeen

If you read my further posts you will see that I know exactly what I mean.

What concerned me was that your post looked like you were trivialising behaviour that was on a spectrum that can be a hate crime. Homophobia and aggressive / abusive behaviour focussed on someone because of their sexual orientation is as unacceptable as similar behaviour motivated by racial prejudice.

Had you properly drafted your post your intent would have been clear because as written it appeared you appeared to be taking homophobic incidents out of the realms of hate crimes.
And
Had I drafted my original post correctly to say "Homophobic incidents can be a hate crime" I guess we wouldn't be having this discussion.

I assume that as this is an internet forum not the LPC nor a formal contract negotiation we can allow each other a bit more laxness and flexibility in our drafting .

Sara as I said before I don't think anyone is suggesting this should be treated as a hate crime. I fully accept that it would be helpful if my original post was a bit clearer that incidents motivated by homophobia may be hate crimes in the same way as incidents motivated by racism.

However I think it is helpful to look at those incidents that are covered by hate crime on the CPS website and ask would the teacher really have accepted any of the other categories being put in room 101
disability
race
religion or belief
sexual orientation
transgender identity

I imagine that this kid thought it would be cool to a) have a pop at your ds and b) test out the boundaries of this teacher, to look impressive in-front of his mates - that oik wouldn't have said it in front of the HT or you, would he?

The teacher should have addressed it at the time. The fact that they didn't suggests either they saw nothing wrong in the comment ; were concerned the lesson was going to get derailed and chose to ignore it (wrong judgement call), taken aback themselves and not sure how to handle it (inexperience) or that other instances of misbehaviour were happening(?)

However, none of that mitigates your ds' justifiable anger and upset and am so impressed at the stance he's taken. This sounds like an issue that needs tackling from the top down, so it becomes just as unacceptable as racism.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude

Fair enough. Your comments fully accepted.

I would never trivialise, but always view - with deep suspicion - any faint echoes of Orwellian philosophy.

Sara my comment wasn't towards you, but the teacher is breaking LA/LEA guidelines, which is different from breaking the law, as such, i never suggest it was a hate crime, but it is hate speech. The policies are clearer and easier to enforce at that level than at what is needed for court. I linked and quoted 'hate speech' not crime.

My suggestion was never to criminalise it, but to make sure that the teacher and head understood that action should have been taken, as others have pointed out, to prevent this, but certainly after it had happened.

Maybe see it a a good oppotunity to arm your son with some cutting re-buff comments.
He may well encounter vile comments throughout his life and may need a bit of a hard shell.
As an openly gay man he it is also possible that he will encounter as soft non-verbal homophobia (side-ways moves instead of promotion at work for example).
Whilst he may take-o some situations and challenge others views, he might also want to dismiss some of them.
As his mum I'd be concerned that the teacher is rather lacking, aside from this situation is the teacher actually any good at teaching ?

I disagree with hate crimes of any kind, race, gender, sexuality, fat/thin, ect. A friend of mine was horribly bullied at school for being gay, it was awful, and i am really sorry your DS is getting bullied.

Just had me thinking, Theirs so many words/things your not allowed to say now-a-days, its political correctness a step too far. Soon you wont be allowed to use the word gay, it'll be sexually different or something. After than it'll be 'ginger' that turns into a hate crime!

Personally i feel words like 'gay' when its just in a matter of fact way, when it isnt ment as a hate crime bullying way, should be allowed to be said. Like xxx is gay.

"If another child had said this and the word gays was replaced with Black, Asian, Disabled, Jewish, Muslim or anything like this he would probably have been excluded." Exactly, and that is why you must complain about this to the head. Your poor son having to put up with these numbskull kids and that the teacher allowed this is appalling.

I do agree with crumpet
My school did nothing about any type of bullying, i was lucky enough not to be bullied, but my friend in particular, couldnt come into school as he was getting beaten up everyday. He had two years off and came back in year 11 to sit his GCSE's.

However, the boy who say about room 101 and ''gays - no offence XXX'' he might not have been saying it to be nasty, just like people say she's such a short ass no offence katespade?
The reasoning however is stupid, and he's probably got that from his parents,

YANBU -The school should deal with this as it is discrimination .
Like you say the boy should have been exluded as he would have been if he had have said anything rascist or disablist!
Its disturbing that in this day and age kids are being bullied for being gay.

People who say "no offence" have nearly always just been offensive. Saying you'd like to get rid of all gay people because they're pointless is nasty, whether you intend it to be or not. How could it be anything else?

I would also like to hear the teacher's side of what happened. He may have had a very good reason for playing this 'game'.

OP, you sound very calm and rational (and also very loving of your DS), so I am hoping you will not go in all guns blazing as some posts seem to suggest.