To think that adults should not pass on fears to children? <dog related>

[buttonmoon78]

Yesterday I took ds1&2 to the local park. Ds1 climbed on the frame, ds2 was in buggy with me sat on a bench. Dog (collie) sat next to me.

There was another mum in the fenced area (for younger children) whose dd was playing on the other frame. When the mum saw us she said loudly 'come on dd - we have to go. That dog's going to bite you'. Cue wailing from dd

I do understand that people are frightened of things I am not and I understand that dogs can be frightening - I am frightened of several dogs I see daily. I am frightened of spiders (really frightened - I am allergic to the venom) but I try really hard not to let the dcs know that. And if that spider was behaving very calmly, behind a suitably spider-sized fence I certainly would not be telling my dcs that it was going to bite them.

This is not a 'dogs are marvellous' rant although mine is nor an 'everyone should love my dog because he's soppy' thread although he is but AIBU to wonder why people don't try harder to show their children a balanced view of the world?

Whatever our fears, shouldn't we try to put them aside to allow our dcs to discover for themselves what they fear and what they don't?

Your example above illustrates exactly the difference between wary caution and a full-blown phobia.

If someone can just casually and rationally dismiss [object] because it's practically miles away, and isn't interested in them at all... They probably don't have a phobia of it!

You're citing the price of apples and trying to extrapolate the price of oranges.

If someone's going to have a full blown panic attack at the sight of a dog on a lead 100 yards away that is indeed a phobia.

Very few people however have this reaction, many people are just a little afraid. As I've said before dogs will always be around, people can despise them all they like but doing so is pretty futile.

Now, I can agree with LeQueen that people should be careful expressing their fears, and try to conquer them if possible (for their own benefit, if nothing else. I was bloody pleased with myself about all my work years ago when I read the outside gas metre earlier... There's a huge Monster the size of my entire hand in there.)

But saying that phobics shouldn't be scared if [fear object] can't rationally hurt them misses the point by 59 kilometres. If phobias worked like that, hardly anyone British would be scared of spiders or cats, and a lot more people would be paralysed with fear at the idea of being in a moving car.

My DD has a little lead on her backpack. Can't get the little monster to walk to heel or fetch my bloody slippers though.

YANBU, used to similar this when I had my german shepherd. He was a big softie, well trained and always kept on a lead (not that he needed it) unless it was safe to let him off. Our neighbours utter arseholes called the council to try to get my parents evicted becuase of their dangerous beast. The reason they thought he was dangerous was because he growled when their some poked him in the face with a stick.

Some people are just idiots who shouldn't be allowed out of the house in my opinion.

LeQueen my MIL is the same, she's horrified that we let DD near my mothers dog. Yes he's a big dog but he's also a big softie who cured my grandmother of being scared of dogs. MIL keeps saying to DD who is 2 that she must not go near my DM's dog because dogs are nasty and he will bite her. She's been told that the next time she says it we will leave on the spot.

My 12 yo DS loves dogs (but more importantly respects them and can 'read' their body language)
My 9yo DD is slowly coming to terms with her dog phobia.She used to run into the road at the sight of a dog.Now she will stand in a driveway to let a dog go by, but is visibly stressed (shakey but not noisy) if it's not on the lead. She has never been bitten or attacked by a dog.

I have a long term hatred of geese,swans and ducks. The DC laugh at me (little swine) and make me "Face your fears mum" by walking up to them.
When DS was a toddler he liked feeding geese.I had to stand and feed the web feet feathered b'stards so that he didn't see I was worried.

Well, you've actually met her. For my part, I cannot imagine having a life limited to such an extent, by anything less than full oh-my-god-I'm-going-to-die fear. I'm afraid I'm never met anyone like that, other than teenage girls playing up anxiousness. (Such anxieties die a death, because the sheer inconvenience quicly outweighs the fear!) The only adults who I know to avoid objects like that are either phobic, or consciously believe [fear object] is dangerous.

Conscious "that's dangerous" believers who aren't phobic themselves can be the worst for deliberately inducing phobias in children, I find actually. The twits think they will cultivate cautious wariness, without realising that young children will react emotionally to a re-telling of Horrific Dog Attacks I Have read about Seen.

I really don't mind if a friendly dog of any size bounds up to my dc and licks them. On the face!

Ah,m but would your children mind?

The problem is that, depending on prior experiences, the child's temperament, and age, the relative size disparity between child and dog, general context of situation and whether the moon is in Capricorn that night*, the child could develop some level of fear, ranging from residual nervousness, to screaming terror.

Last summer, for example, a very small, cute puppy followed the pushchair along, trying to lick the twins. They thought it was hilarious, and giggled madly. I kept my feelings on hygiene to myself!

However, a couple of months ago, Twin 2 was shaking in fear after a loose puppy ran out of an alleyway and nearly knocked him over. S/he meant no harm at all, but it was still scary to him! If she had noticed us, and come back and licked his face, I think he would still be terrified of dogs!

I don't mind big bouncy/licky dogs running up either, but I completely understand that many people would not appreciate that at all (and not just those with phobias either), so would never let my two rush up to strangers.

I was actually scared of dogs as a child, so can see both sides I guess. I don't want my dogs to frighten or annoy anyone, and do my best within reason to ensure they don't. But there's not much I can do in some situations, e.g. if someone is terrified of my on-lead dog walking calmly at my side some distance from them.