Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that adults should not pass on fears to children? <dog related>

138 replies

buttonmoon78 · 01/05/2012 20:24

Yesterday I took ds1&2 to the local park. Ds1 climbed on the frame, ds2 was in buggy with me sat on a bench. Dog (collie) sat next to me.

There was another mum in the fenced area (for younger children) whose dd was playing on the other frame. When the mum saw us she said loudly 'come on dd - we have to go. That dog's going to bite you'. Cue wailing from ddHmm

I do understand that people are frightened of things I am not and I understand that dogs can be frightening - I am frightened of several dogs I see daily. I am frightened of spiders (really frightened - I am allergic to the venom) but I try really hard not to let the dcs know that. And if that spider was behaving very calmly, behind a suitably spider-sized fence I certainly would not be telling my dcs that it was going to bite them.

This is not a 'dogs are marvellous' rant although mine is nor an 'everyone should love my dog because he's soppy' thread although he is but AIBU to wonder why people don't try harder to show their children a balanced view of the world?

Whatever our fears, shouldn't we try to put them aside to allow our dcs to discover for themselves what they fear and what they don't?

OP posts:
aquafunf · 02/05/2012 10:51

i was involved in a situation that made me truly realise how scared some adults are of dogs

we lived on an estate with a large green at the back that all the little kids basically used as a garden. footpath ran through it. I was asleep at the back of the house but was woken by a dog barking loudly and a child screaming.

i went running as fast as i could- out front of house(we didnt have a back gate) and onto the green. There i found a large dog chasing a neighbours little girl. tbf, I dont think he was trying to attack her- just trying to be friendly- she was scared and starting running- he got excited and ran after her.

i dont have a dog or like them hugely- but I scooped up the child and the owner arrived a few minutes later, red faced and apologetic.

at this point the parent opened her gate. she said- i was in the garden but too scared to come out- i am terrified of dogs. she was white and shaking. too scared to open the gate and rescue her child? i must assume that if she could have helped her reaction, she would have done.

MrsHeffley · 02/05/2012 10:51

Sorry I disagree.

I don't believe in terrifying kids for the sake of it but I do believe in educating children so they can look after themselves and avoid danger if needs be.

I've always taught my kids not to approach unknown dogs and never to stroke unknown dogs as they have no knowledge of said dog's personality.

Sadly one of my dc got bitten by a dog they didn't approach and simply walked past.All dogs have teeth,all dogs can do damage.Children need to know this.

I think dogs have no place in a children's park(most have signs saying this) as screaming over excited children can over excite many dogs and lets not get onto the poo subject.I suspect this mother wasn't happy with your dog being in the park(he should have been tied up outside)and I can't say I blame her.

All 3 of my dc are now terrified of dogs and I would have have to left which is a shame as children's parks are meant to be for children not dogs.

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 02/05/2012 10:56

Yanbu! I often see an Indian family, mum, dad, 2 primary aged girls and a small boy in a buggy. I have a greyhound, very well behaved and also muzzled as he has black lab aggression. Everytime I pass this family the dad will stand at the edge of the footpath, arms and legs akimbo while the girls walk around him into the busy main road screaming at my dog even though he doesn't even glance in their direction.

I mentioned they were Indian because I've heard that dogs aren't pets in India (not sure how accurate this is so feel free to correct me). But they live in Britain ffs, every other person has a dog! You'd think they'd get used to seeing dogs walking around on leads but apparently not.

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 02/05/2012 10:59

The girls scream at my dog byw, not the dad just incase that wasn't clear.

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 10:59

Spagetti, if you KNOW that a particular family that you recognise have a real fear (maybe because of a real serious trauma that happened to one of them in the past? who knows?) then why can't you be considerate and cross the road with your dog when you see them?

backwardpossom · 02/05/2012 11:02

MrsHeffley the dog was sitting calmly on a lead on the other side of the fence and the mother said to her daughter "we have to leave, that dog will bite you". Surely you can see what utter lunacy that is?!

MrsHeffley · 02/05/2012 11:02

Exactly Monkey,my 3 would have been hysterical.Honestly the sense of entitlement some dog owners have ie love my dog so you all have to.

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 02/05/2012 11:07

Because whenever I see them it's on a busy main road, by the time there is a gap in the traffic they would have passed me anyway! And tbh I don't fancy dashing across that road with a slow, lazy greyhound and pushing a buggy (10mo DD).

MrsHeffley · 02/05/2012 11:08

Sorry you don't know the family or the circumstances.

I had to recently take my 3 away from our local beach which was crawling with dogs off leads. Some ran over their sandcastles,one(an unmuzzled greyhound) jumped over a baby in a buggy,the mother was livid.Some kept coming over sniffing.My kids are quite old 8,8 and 7 but they were sobbing.Now to many onlookers they'd think what an overprotective mother but sorry I don't believe in forcing kids to confront their fears with strange dogs.When you'e tried reassurance and cuddles it's time to leave.

If they're scared,they're scared.

Bring on summer beach restrictions.

Op strange park with a parents bench outside of the fenced play area.

Kayano · 02/05/2012 11:09

This is why my mum takes the baby for her jabs.

I thought I was scared of dogs for years. I wasn't. My mother was. She used to make me cross the road.if she didn't she would have had a full on panic attack

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 02/05/2012 11:10

Sense of entitlement? Really? Just because I don't want to push my baby over a busy main road twice? And also there would be no point crossing for the reasons I mentioned above.

Whoopydofoxpoo · 02/05/2012 11:17

''Op strange park with a parents bench outside of the fenced play area '' Confused

MrsHeffley - parks do have benches that don't have to be in play area !

MrsHeffley · 02/05/2012 11:17

People can be scared if they like Spaghetti,you don't get to dictate that people should like and be as comfortable with your dog as you are.

I loathe greyhounds-so sue me!Hmm

Meglet · 02/05/2012 11:18

I'm scared of plug holes. My kids aren't. DD was playing about and pulled out a load of hair from it .

I did my best, "that's lovely dear now let me put that in the bin" while grabbing a mile of toilet roll to wrap it up so I didn't touch it.

And I'm trying not to let my loathing of public toilets rub off on them. My family have mentioned I might not be doing a good job with this one.

elinorbellowed · 02/05/2012 11:18

Spagetti, as it happens, a lot of Muslim people don't like dogs, not just because culturally they don't keep them as pets (pretty sure that it is beyond decadent to feed a large dog when food is scarce) but because they are considered unclean in the way that pigs are. It would be a problem if your dog touched the kids, even if he didn't mean any harm.
When I lived in East London I encountered a lot of racism around this issue "Them Asians don't like dogs, they oughta get fucking used to it, living in England."
Oh, and unless the father wears a turban, which would indicate Sikhism and therefore probably Indian, they are far more likely to be Pakistani or Bengali.

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 11:26

put the dog INSIDE the buggy so the buggy is a sort of barrier?
step into a driveway

there's lots of things you could do

I know someone who is terrified of dogs because of a past attack and it is shocking how many inconsiderate people don't even bother shortening their leashes or stepping between their dog and her when they see her backed against a wall in pure terror!

No, people do not need to get used to dogs because it's britain, british dog owners en mass need to become more considerate if they insist on keeping large animals in thickly populated areas.

Its just basic politeness to tighten your lead if you're about to pass someone on a pavement, and to step into the wall/the edge to let them pass, I did when I had a dog, and if someone was really scared I'ld hold her collar and get out of the way

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 02/05/2012 11:28

Oh thanks for the correction elinor.

MrsHeffley it's not as if I'm foisting him upon them, I'm not walking him right upto them and demanding they fuss him. I'm just walking calmly past them on a footpath, which is fairly wide too, I just find it totally bizarre that the parents would rather their children walk in the road with cars and lorries and buses etc, than walk on the path! I keep to the edge as much as I can yet they still do this.

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 02/05/2012 11:32

Put the dog in the buggy?

i don't think that would work.

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 11:34

you know what I mean Hmm
place the buggy between dog and other people, dog between wall and buggy or yourself so that they don't have to form a barrier, you do it yourself

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 11:35

nobody bloody does that though Angry if you pass people with dogs with a buggy they go on the inside with the dog passing beside the buggy, its so rude!

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 11:36

I mean if I'm passing with a buggy and they are walking with a dog, hardly anyone ever EVER tightens the lead or moves the dog to the other side

elinorbellowed · 02/05/2012 11:40

Or stopping to chat and saying, "Don't worry, he absolutely won't come near your family, I've got him really tight. I'm so worried about your kids walking in that busy road. We'll stop against the side until you pas if you like. "

Any time.

TheBigJessie · 02/05/2012 11:53

I always try to keep a goodly distance between the children and dogs, but I tell them in a cheerful voice, "oh, what a lovely dog. Let's move over here so he or she doesn't get scared of you." As opposed to my mother's "oh my dog, it's another bloody dog" accompanied by other unpredictable behaviour.

TheBigJessie · 02/05/2012 11:56

Actually she said "oh my God" not dog!

squoosh · 02/05/2012 11:59

Phobias are easily passed on from parent to child. Dogs/spiders/daddy long legs aren't going anywhere so it's definitely the best policy to ensure as best you can that your child doesn't pick up on the fear.

Must be very debilitating to be scared of dogs, cats etc. It's only when you get to know animals that you can differentiate quite easily, 'oh he's barking beacuse he's happy, he's barking because he's a bit ferocious etc.