To think that adults should not pass on fears to children? <dog related>

[buttonmoon78]

Yesterday I took ds1&2 to the local park. Ds1 climbed on the frame, ds2 was in buggy with me sat on a bench. Dog (collie) sat next to me.

There was another mum in the fenced area (for younger children) whose dd was playing on the other frame. When the mum saw us she said loudly 'come on dd - we have to go. That dog's going to bite you'. Cue wailing from dd

I do understand that people are frightened of things I am not and I understand that dogs can be frightening - I am frightened of several dogs I see daily. I am frightened of spiders (really frightened - I am allergic to the venom) but I try really hard not to let the dcs know that. And if that spider was behaving very calmly, behind a suitably spider-sized fence I certainly would not be telling my dcs that it was going to bite them.

This is not a 'dogs are marvellous' rant although mine is nor an 'everyone should love my dog because he's soppy' thread although he is but AIBU to wonder why people don't try harder to show their children a balanced view of the world?

Whatever our fears, shouldn't we try to put them aside to allow our dcs to discover for themselves what they fear and what they don't?

Oh and exactly how much damage can a muzzled dog do? Not much I'm guessing.

Sqoosh sorry I disagree.

Said dog that bit my son wasn't barking,he was old and blind(facts my son was oblivious to).

When said son was in hospital a boy his age was rushed in during the night having been bitten by the family spaniel,they were trying to save his face.His mother next day was saying they had 3 of them which had never done anything like it.It was a completely unprovoked attack.

I have a friend who is a vet and it makes her furious when she sees people just not accepting the damage all dogs can do.

She has huge great big dogs which have helped my son begin to overcome his fears(on his terms nobody else's)and her stance is pretty similar to mine re informing children.I fail to see how anybody can deduce a dogs history,age, personality and mood that day in a minute meeting.

Sounds like my in laws. My Bil has made my DN and DN so scared of dogs they scream and try to run away if they even see one miles away. They are 8 and 10. So YANBU it is wrong to purposefully pass on fears to children this way.

Dogs can inflict horrific injuries and sometimes even kill, but this isn't most dogs. Your poor little boy, I can't imagine how traumatic and painful that must have been.

But my point is that dogs are everywhere, dogs will always be everywhere, surely it's better for children to feel confident around dogs rather than terrified. And if you do 'know' dogs you can often tell much about their temperament. Of course rule number one when teaching children about dogs is never go up and start petting/grabbing them. Put your hand out for the dog to smell first. (This is a general rule, I'm not referring to your son's attack).

I think teaching kids to be wary of strange dogs is good. Being terrified is not.

The problem really is that a phobia, by definition, is an irrational fear. It's easy for me to be calm and collected around dogs, because I'm more wary and uneasy, than scared.

If I was actually terrified, I probably would pass it on to the children just like I will with the spider phobia

I know it must be really hard to not instill fears like this into your DC's from personal experience as well.

My mum has OCD which she has transfered to myself and my DB which i am trying to deal with as my 1st DC is due in July and i don't want to pass that on to her.

My DM is also terrified of dogs as her dad was attacked by one on his bread delivery round when she was a child, not serious but scary for a child to witness. While i have been able to look at it more rationally and be aware of dogs but luckly not scared of them my brother, who has just turned 30, is still convinced that he is terrified and all dogs are evil because of how my mum reacted whenever we saw one.

"oh, what a lovely dog. Let's move over here so he or she doesn't get scared of you."

That's a great response BigJessie Wish the mother in the OP knew about it, although we don't know the history behind that comment, its not the best way to go about educating your child about the dangers of dogs.

This isn't really about dogs, this is about bringing up children to be safe yet confident (not terrified everytime they walk down the road).

There's a great cd-rom that teaches children to be safe around dogs, both strange and familiar, I think the website has some free stuff on there too:

www.thebluedog.org/en/

www.soundtherapy4pets.com/treatment/blue/0/1/

MrsHeffley I'm so sorry your ds was bitten. And I agree that ALL dogs have the propensity to cause real damage. However, my dog, on a lead, on the other side of a fence was not about to cause damage. I completely understand and applaud wariness, but instilling sheer terror in a child is irresponsible. A dog can easily pick up on fear and flappiness could just cause them in turn to be frightened. Often dogs which bite do it from fear. There are obv dogs which are just vicious but often the dog is afraid.

And yes - our park has many benches. Some inside the fence, some outside. Not all visitors to the park have small dcs. So please don't insinuate anything when I say that we were on a bench outside the fence.

monkeymoma I always pull my dog to the other side. If he's off the lead, as soon as I see another walker I tell him to lie down which he does until they've passed. If they wish to stop and say hello it's their choice. A dog is a dog. He doesn't get a choice about who he says hello to, as I'm in charge of his social life - he is bottom of the pack.

"Dogs are domesticated wild animals." So is homo sapiens.

""Dogs are domesticated wild animals." So is homo sapiens"

don't want strange humans licking my child's face either, expect humans to respect my space and part of that is keeping their dogs respectfully controlled

Once again - we agree!

Can't believe I forgot to say in all this that dog is invited to ds1's reception class this afternoon as their special topic is currently pets. Am hoping v much to do a little 'safe child safe dog' education!

Meant to say that on the flip side dog owners should:

• have their dog under control (on a lead/good recall skills)
• have their dog properly socialised with adults and children (and muzzle if unsure)
• make sure their dog respects peoples space (short lead, training)
• accept that some people are scared of dogs, and consider them
• remove their dog (or short lead) in overstimulating situations
• if their dog is friendly with kids and kids want to stroke (and parents are happy), instruct the child on how to do so safely

My DN nad DN being terrified of dogs actually makes them more unsafe as they tend to scream and run away they attract the attention of dogs that hadn't even noticed they existed. And my BIL may have a phobia, but he does nothing to try and counteract their fear when a dog isn't there. Surely you should being explaining you have a phobia and it isn't good to be like that?

I agree monkeymoma - I don't let my dog approach anyone, especially if they look as if they are nervous of him. But the thread was about fear - specifially about the fear of being attacked or hurt by a dog. .

I think it's a good thing for parents to teach children to be cautious about dogs, not to go running up to them or pet them without asking etc. Saying 'that dog will bite you' is going too far though, especially as small children tend to take things literally! No wonder the poor child was 'wailing'.

I have had people step out into a busy road (with child in pushchair) to avoid my dog as well. I know people can't help their fears, but it seems bizarre, especially as I had him on a short lead and it was a wide pavement so they could have passed me on my non-dog side without going anywhere near him. On a narrow footpath/pavement I will happily stop and make him sit and wait while people pass, if they look nervous and/or have small children. I wouldn't cross a busy road unnecessarily though, and especially not if I had a child of my own with me.

yes of course keep children wary of strange dogs well any animal really not all want to be stroked and picked up
, Jaycat would have really scratched a child if they tried to pick her up

, but please dont tell children that the dog is going to eat them , of course there is owners who are always going to let dogs run wild but a lot of owners ARE responsible ,

"YANBU. Some people are selfish, and the parents that do this care more about themselves than they do about their children. Children need to be taught how to be safe around dogs, its a parents job to do that."

Some dogs aren't safe and frankly need to be put down. If a dog attacks someone in a public place then there should be no second chances or excuses. The dog should be destroyed as swiftly as possible.

I have physical (and mental) scars from when I was attacked by a dog. I was seven years old at the time and doing NOTHING wrong. I was carrying a lovely ball which I didn't want burst by the dog. The dog was angry and decided to sink its teeth into to me. The pathetic excuse of an owner even tried to make excuses for his out of control mutt.

I also think that the owner of a violent dog should lose the right to keep dogs for five years and be fined. Any other pets belonging the owner should be taken away and rehomed or destroyed if they show aggresive tendencies.

A seven year old child should be able to play in the park without being mauled by a random dog. If a human being had infliced the kind of injures I suffered then they would be facing jail or at least community service.

I would like the keeping of dogs to be restricted.

I wonder if she was using it as a way to get her dd to hurry up. You know hoe difficult it can be to get kids to leave parks sometimes. Maybe she saw it as a short cut to getting her dd to want to leave the park. Pretty bad thing to do if so.

Did I miss the bit where the Op's dog mauled the child ?

Yes, the dog didn't DO anything, the parents of the other kids did. That's the whole point of this thread.

No, but the was possibly slightly uncalled for if in answer to reallytired's comments Whoopy!

Really I assume you mean if a dog attacks anyone anywhere rather than simply in a public place?

I agree with much of what you say - bad owners should be prevented from keeping dogs, ownership SHOULD be restricted. A child should be able to play unmolested. But how would you decide which dog was aggressively violent and which was reacting to behaviour from a human?

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.

Perhaps regulated rather than restricted.

Uncalled for - do you really think - yes its very sad that people/children get mauled by dogs but the thread isn't about that - its about someone frightened by your sitting controlled dog .

I guess what I mean is that yes - the thread is not about mauling dogs but a well behaved perfectly lovely dog. But I find the to be sometimes overused and when someone is so obviously uber sensitive on a subject it seems a bit harsh to use it.

Perhaps I'm being a little uber sensitive myself!