Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To think that adults should not pass on fears to children? <dog related>

138 replies

buttonmoon78 · 01/05/2012 20:24

Yesterday I took ds1&2 to the local park. Ds1 climbed on the frame, ds2 was in buggy with me sat on a bench. Dog (collie) sat next to me.

There was another mum in the fenced area (for younger children) whose dd was playing on the other frame. When the mum saw us she said loudly 'come on dd - we have to go. That dog's going to bite you'. Cue wailing from dd

I do understand that people are frightened of things I am not and I understand that dogs can be frightening - I am frightened of several dogs I see daily. I am frightened of spiders (really frightened - I am allergic to the venom) but I try really hard not to let the dcs know that. And if that spider was behaving very calmly, behind a suitably spider-sized fence I certainly would not be telling my dcs that it was going to bite them.

This is not a 'dogs are marvellous' rant although mine is nor an 'everyone should love my dog because he's soppy' thread although he is but AIBU to wonder why people don't try harder to show their children a balanced view of the world?

Whatever our fears, shouldn't we try to put them aside to allow our dcs to discover for themselves what they fear and what they don't?

OP posts:

monkeymoma · 01/05/2012 21:11

YwouldBU if you lived round here, lots of terrible dog owners and viscious fighting dogs

I'm not anti dogs I'm anti bad dog owners, who are in the majority here

so it could be a life saving fear round here, fear serves a purpose! it's there to keep you alive

monkeymoma · 01/05/2012 21:12

its not even a life limiting fear.

Whoopydofoxpoo · 01/05/2012 21:14

Novack - 'two babies killed by family dog ' where ? Not in UK it would be headlines !

TooManyBubbles · 01/05/2012 21:14

Button at children on leads... Only the other day my DH was suggesting that an extendable dog lead would have been a great help with my DS when he was little!

Chilenachica · 01/05/2012 21:15

Novackgood

While that is tragic, it frequently turns out to have happened because the owners didn't take sufficient precautions to keep the dogs from getting hold of the baby. A lot of people don't realise that in a dog pack all the adults help to care for the puppies. So any dog can move a pup away from danger, or take it to the mother at feeding time etc. Or help it's social development by playing with it. All of which involves using their teeth.

And if a dog thinks he/she is the Alpha, again down to the owners, it may get rid of the surprise newcomer. Again tragic, but avoidable if the owners are responsible dog owners.

elinorbellowed · 01/05/2012 21:16

I think I have done this, though I have never said anything like that - very daft.
I used to live next to a playing field/park/common area that often had pitbull types being taught to fight by gang member. (absolutely not exaggerating) A couple of times when DS was at the early toddling stage I had to whisk him up in the air when dogs started to race towards us. I always told him not to put his hand out to dogs as not all dogs are friendly. I'm not scared of dogs but he flinches from them, goes round the other side of me etc. A couple of local dog owners have told me that they think this is a good thing, as you need to be careful, not all dogs are well trained.

Jenski · 01/05/2012 21:20

My 3 yr old dd loves dogs and has to be told not to touch/go near to dogs she doesn't know. I am not scared of dogs (in fact would love a dog if I had the time).

However, today I was walking through the park with DD3 when a very lively staffy came running towards us and jumped up at dd. I looked around for the owner who was nearby but just watching her dog!

We carried on walking and then the dog repeated the behaviour which concerned me so I put my foot out to stop him jumping near dd3's face. I then turned to the owner and said 'Can you please control your dog!' To which she said 'Oh, he's only saying hello'!!!! To which I said 'Well DD3 doesn't understand that and I do not want her to have a fear of dogs!'

So, Yanbu, but I think the lady with the staffie in the park today should not be inflicting fear on my dd with her dog (so she was BU but you were not!)

LeQueen · 01/05/2012 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

surroundedbyblondes · 01/05/2012 21:22

It's a shame. We have a small dog and DDs are fearless of animals, which is not always a good thing. Not every creature wants to be greeted by grinning, dribbling, sticky toddlers . I work like mad to make sure my fears and pre-conceptions areb't passed on to my kids. I smile and kerp calm on planes, though I hate flying and I take my kids to the church playgroup because it's excellent even though I am anti-religious. I believe really strongly that our kids should grow up making their own choices, not being brainwashed by us.

MousyMouse · 01/05/2012 21:26

if you had the dog in the fenced in play area yabvu.

monkeymoma · 01/05/2012 21:26

it's hardly an irrational fear leQueen, it's not like being afraid of spoons!
I am not scared of most dogs (not when by myself anyway, but when with DS I am very suspicious of not so much the dog, but their owners/treatment/control/what they are kept for!) but was pleased that DS had a mild healthy fear of unknown dogs, which unfortunately has worn off lately, and I intend to nip that in the bud and get him keeping a distance from strangers dogs again as a matter of priority

Original poster

buttonmoon78 · 01/05/2012 21:35

Mousy not in the fenced area as already stated.

I agree that a healthy respect is essential and teach my dcs to ask before approaching a strange dog.

Equally I always reprimand (v gently) children who approach my dog without checking its ok. Simple survival tactics for all concerned

It was the unprovoked assumption which annoyed me a bit.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 01/05/2012 21:44

So she thought the dog was going to jump up over the fence area and come and bite her DD? When it was sitting quietly on the other side of the fence?

In that case her fear is very severe and probably adversely impacts a lot of things in her life, so I think empathy is called for rather than talking about how she is doing her DD a disservice.

Chilenachica · 01/05/2012 21:48

Actually, I over-looked something.

When my DD was bitten, aged 3, that was because of parents not stopping their DCs from pulling the dog's tail at a BBQ. Took me fecking years to remove her fear, she was just unlucky enough to be within reach of the dog's head while the other kids were taking it turns to pull it's tail while their parents watched and laughed

Original poster

buttonmoon78 · 01/05/2012 21:50

You see? Dogs and children are just the same really. Irresponsible owners/parents = tears all round!

OP posts:

boringnickname · 01/05/2012 22:04

Dont get me started!

Woman at the school has made her DD paralysed with fear when it comes to dogs - i was when one day the DD was running ahead so in order to call her back she said "come bak now, look there is a HUGE dog over there" cue hysterics from the dd - WTAF?? The dog was on the other side of the road, i was more worried about the fucking CARS!!!

My mother made me scared of spiders - i wasn't scared of them, but she would make me sit and watch them and tell me if they moved (my dad used to work late/nights and one night she fucking got me out of bed to watch a particularly big fucker that was under the TV - i was six FFS!!!)

I am combating my fears, i work with tarantulas

WibbleDribble · 01/05/2012 22:05

Astr0naut and Jenski - I can really relate to your tales. Both of my kids are now terrified of dogs and it makes walking around in the country quite challenging at times. If I had a pound every time I heard 'Don't worry, he won't hurt you - he's just saying hello' as the creature is bounding full tilt towards them..... We don't really have much of a choice whether we want to 'just say hello' back. I have even been slobbered on by random dogs while I've been out walking on my own But, Button, in answer to your original post I don't think YANBU

WibbleDribble · 01/05/2012 22:11

Button - Just to clarify, as my keyboard appears to be 'playing up again' YANBU

DeathByChocolate01 · 01/05/2012 22:16

YANBU! I had to take my guinea pig to the vet a few weeks ago and there was a woman there with a little boy (4 or 5) who was running around poking his fingers into other people's pet carriers and trying to stroke their cats/rabbits etc... my piggie was in a cardboard box so he ran over and tried to pull the box open and shove his hand in - all the while his mum just watched him and occasionally bleated "please don't do that darling". Then a lady came in with a dog, a lovely elderly spaniel, and he screamed and ran back to his mum - the dog owner actually told him "it's okay, she won't hurt you, you can come and stroke her if you like" but the mum snapped "I'd rather not, I don't want him to get bitten" and kept her son close by for the rest of the wait. I was very and that she thought it was fine for him to go around terrorising cats, rabbits and guinea pigs (all of which can give a good nip if they're scared!) but when it came to the dog, suddenly it appeared she actually was capable of controlling him after all and just couldn't be bothered before.

Sorry for the rant, I have been wanting to rage about that on mumsnet ever since it happened!

DeathByChocolate01 · 01/05/2012 22:22

Oh, just to add, I have every sympathy for kids who are scared of dogs - I was terrified of them as a child, and I do think it's the owner's responsibility to keep their dog under control. I'd never let my dog run at a child because she is bigger than most children and it would be the equivalent of an adult being charged at by a horse! But it does make me sad when kids run away at the sight of her when she's walking calmly on a lead.

WibbleDribble · 01/05/2012 22:35

DeathByChoc: I think you've summed this up very nicely! I was a bit wary about expressing my views but it's a two-way thing. I like all animals, I like well behaved children. Everyone likes their own personal space :)

LibrarianByDay · 01/05/2012 22:53

I don't think YABU.

I love dogs, always had them as a kid and have a large-ish one as a pet now. However, I am not keen on dogs off leads in public areas. My worst nightmare is to be out with the kids and/or the dog and to have a random other dog run up to us.

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 10:15

what a stupid woman deathbychocolate! (not you, her!)

Katienana · 02/05/2012 10:36

I grew up frightened of dogs because I was attacked by one as a kid. No one in my family had dogs so I also wasn't used to them - although there were a couple of Yorkies in our street that were friendly and I loved playing with. If I could slowly get introduced to a dog I would be fine. I don't like it when I can't predict their behaviour, which is always the case with a strange dog.
My fear is under control now and I am only wary of certain breeds. When I say wary I mean I would cross the street to avoid walking past, and would feel very nervous if walking alone and the dog was not on a lead.
I don't plan on passing this fear onto my kids, but think it is fine to teach them that certain dogs you should be very wary of, and never to pet a dog without the owners permission. They will have more contact with dogs anyway as there are 2 in DHs family.

Mrsjay · 02/05/2012 10:38

I think its important when they are young to hide fears especially of dogs not all dogs are going to eat your face however its fine for you to say stay away from the dog ,
now dds are older they know im shit scared of mice/rats and i used to quiver when the cat would bring them in the house , but they are old enough to rationalise fear imo a younger child isnt ,

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6