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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fantasise about ending it all

112 replies

flowerpot77 · 01/05/2012 12:31

Does anyone else ever feel like this? I have two lovely kids, one is 5 and the other will be one on Friday but I just feel like a totally crap mother. I think my kids would be so much better off with out me, I lie in bed imagining taking my own life, sometimes the urge is so strong that it totally consumes me. I imagine my husband finding me dead and how my kids would be without me... I know im stressed, I have just returned to work about 4 weeks ago (full time) and just feel like I cant cope and that every day feels like a ground hog day.... is this normal?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitybunny · 01/05/2012 12:33

No, it is not normal.

Please phone the Samaritans - they want to help you and are trained to help you.

Good luck.

cocolepew · 01/05/2012 12:34

You need to speak to someone, and soon.

Then you can start to get the help you need x

stabiliser15 · 01/05/2012 12:35

Am sure someone will come along who can help more than I can but wanted to reply.

It sounds like you are stressed and I am sure you are not a crap mother. Everyone feels like this from time to time but feeling like it all the time may suggest you need some help. Does your DH know how you feel? Can you speak to your GP or someone else?

SoozyWoozy · 01/05/2012 12:35

No, not normal to feel like this. Please call your GP today x

bibbitybobbitybunny · 01/05/2012 12:35

Samaritans website

Their freephone number is also on there. Please give them a call.

spatchcock · 01/05/2012 12:37

((hugs))

Your kids are 'lovely' because you did a great job raising them that way. You're not a crap mother, although we all feel like that from time to time.

PLEASE ring someone. Your GP, the Samaritans, your DH?

x

AdelaideAussie · 01/05/2012 12:37

I often feel like this but, I'm not under anywhere near as much pressure and stress so I can't help feeling impressed at how strong you are.

You should go and talk things over with your GP though.

muffinflop · 01/05/2012 12:39

Go and see your GP please! You need some help

I felt like this when I had severe PND and then again later when I had clinical depression. I didn't want to die but just wanted everything to stop, is that how you feel?

ripsishere · 01/05/2012 12:40

YABVVVVU. You are also more than 'stressed'. Please take the advice given.

AllYoursBabooshka · 01/05/2012 12:41

Oh sweetheart you sound so lost, When did you start feeling like this? Was it going back to work that triggered these feelings?

Talk to your husband, Please.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/05/2012 12:43

Please call someone the Samaritans or your GP right now.

Remember that your family love you and (however you might feel right now) you really do make a positive contribution to their lives.

Original poster
flowerpot77 · 01/05/2012 12:44

I do try and talk to my husband but I think he doesnt understand. He doesnt realise how strong these feelings are then he gets upset and tells me I'm threatning him with taking my own life.

I just dont want to be here anymore.

I went to see a GP in March who gave me Citolapram - all it did was give me the most severe jaw ache. He thought I had PND.... what more help can they give me?

OP posts:
muffinflop · 01/05/2012 12:48

They can give you something other than Citalopram! My body didn't agree with that one either. It took trying 3 different tablets before finding one which worked for me.

Please go back to the GP. It does sound like PND (or depression of some sort)

charmund · 01/05/2012 12:49

I think you've done really well to admit to your feelings on this post - it's a huge step and shows how strong you are.

Going back to work is difficult , particularly full time but to feel so stressed that you are thinking of ending it all means that you need help. Your kids and DH love and need you - please please talk to someone.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/05/2012 12:50

There is plenty more help. Talking therapies (counselling) helps. There are lots of different anti-depressants so it may be that a different one will suit you more. It is really important that you go back to you GP and tell him that you are having suicidal thoughts.

Please make an appointment today and tell them its urgent.

AllYoursBabooshka · 01/05/2012 12:56

Are you still taking the Citalopram?

Lovelynewboots · 01/05/2012 13:01

I think it said when I took Citalopram that you must see your gp if you are having suicidal thoughts. It could be the Citalopram that is causing them. In which case your doctor is the best person to help. See them today. Good luckx

dubbada · 01/05/2012 13:04

the fact your worried about doing your best for your children proves that you are a good mum - you care

dont do anything other than get help if only for the children think how they would feel in years to come

call your gp or anyone else there are people that can help

TattyDevine · 01/05/2012 13:07

Go back to your GP, or see another, for a different drug. Not normal to feel that way. If you've felt that way SINCE the Citrolapam then it might be the drug that causes it - and it says in the paper leafletty bumf that comes with it to say if you get suicidal feelings/fantasies etc etc

Go back. Nothing else matters, really, except you getting this seen to. So do it.

Rhinosaurus · 01/05/2012 13:31

Are you still taking Citalopram? If you have suddenly stopped taking it this could be causing you to feel the way you do. If you are still taking it, you need to go back to the GP immediately.

Is there anyway you can reduce your hours at work? Or have you got any wider family to help you at home? Or can you OH do more?

MrsHelsBels74 · 01/05/2012 13:43

Please see your GP as soon as possible. Sometimes it takes time for you to find the 'right' anti depressant (I speak as someone who has tried most of them). You may also be able to get other help such as a CPN or CBT. But please don't expect a sudden overnight cure, these things unfortunately do take time to resolve. Hang in there, go back to your GP & phone the Samaritans

Ekpoma76 · 01/05/2012 14:13

Pls pls don't act on those feelings. I would think your kids will rather have a mum that is alive and poor than a dead one. So if work is that stressfull kindly quit and take care of yourself first.
I have been feeling like that too but I spoke to my GP and she recommended a counselling group and also i seeked the strength i my inner being (God). I started going to church and praying for God's strength. If you are not a christian i know people talk about the various inner self seeking through other form of worship. Pls go through the medically route as well as physcial and spiritual. Take up an exercise you like to meet new friends e.t.c

valiumredhead · 01/05/2012 14:19

Call your GP NOW and make an appt - tell them you are having suicidal feelings. There are lots of ways depression can be treated and lots of different anti d's that can be taken.

Idiotishprattle · 01/05/2012 14:20

Ending it all isn't the solution you want.
You are a great mum, with a loving family who love you.
It's great that you feel able to talk about these negative thoughts and there are lots of supportive people to chat to on MN or The Samaritans, if you feel unable to talk about this to friends and family in RL
You do need to go and talk to a GP though, depression is an illness, a crippling, debilitating illness. It sometimes takes a while to find the right medication for you. Take care of yourself.

sugarice · 01/05/2012 14:22

Oh bless you. PLEASE see your GP asap and always remember that your dh and kids need you and love you dearly.